We’ve already had more than a month of screaming, crying and throwing up from the Windsors when it comes to The Crown. The fifth season of the Netflix drama premieres on November 9th, two weeks away. Y’all better prepare yourselves for two more weeks of royal tantrums, that’s all I’ll say. What’s funny is that it’s clearly just King Charles who is beside himself with anxiety. But he knows it’s not like he can come out and say “they’re going to be mean to me” and “how dare they dramatize the awful way I treated Diana!” So the king has given little “tasks” to his friends, associates and political allies to carry out. Over the weekend, an unnamed family friend ran to the Times to cry about how the series is “vicious” and how Harry should be ashamed of himself:

The close friend of the royal family, who attended the Queen’s committal in Windsor, strongly criticised Netflix, which has resisted calls for a fictional disclaimer before each episode.

The friend said: “I’m horrified by what is going on with Netflix and how they are vilifying the royal family. It is vicious. It’s as if they’re trying to destroy the royal family.”

Asked what Queen Elizabeth would have made of the plot lines, the friend said: “It would have destroyed her.” She added that it put the Duke of Sussex “in the most invidious position”, given his lucrative deal with the streaming giant. “If I had my family being vilified like that, I wouldn’t take a penny [from Netflix].”

[From The Times]

Charles is setting himself up for such awful stories once the series comes out. Because he’s raised such a fuss, everyone will feel the need to “fact check” what’s in The Crown with the actual historical receipts, and all of that will A) look worse for Charles and B) extend The Crown’s power and narrative and C) make Charles look “vicious” and sadistic. Speaking of sadism, one of Princess Diana’s old friends got a call from the new king:

Diana’s close friend Simone Simmons told The Sun that the hit drama risked forcing Princes William and Harry to recall “the most painful time” of their lives.

She said: “These are cruel, sadistic and wicked people to recreate these moments. They are the lowest of the low. They are rewriting history as they go along and that’s what makes me very angry. Netflix are deliberately reviving the most painful time in the boys’ lives. It’s forcing them to relive the pain, agony, and psychological torment they suffered when their mother died. I think it’s disgusting and sick. Why are they setting out to upset William and Harry? The makers of this programme do not care about the heir to the throne and everything he has been through. Why do these callous, insensitive people feel the need to recreate that horrible day? They are going out of their way to hurt the Royal Family.”

[From The Sun]

Considering Simone Simmons was such a good friend to Diana, you’d think she would spare a thought for her friend Diana, who was treated so abominably by the Windsors? All Diana wanted was to survive all of the pain and torment that family put her through, and to tell her story. As for Diana’s adult sons… William has clearly said on the record that he thinks his mother was paranoid and delusional. William and Charles want to solely own Diana’s life and memory for their own narratives… all while Harry, his mother’s son, has shown the world how little has changed in the House of Windsor.

Photos courtesy of Backgrid, The Crown/Netflix.