Amber Riley is still probably best known for playing Mercedes Jones on Glee, which is a shame, because since then she’s taken every opportunity she could to showcase her talents. In 2017 Amber won rave reviews and an Olivier for Best Actress (the British equivalent of a Tony Award) for her turn as Effie White in Dreamgirls (which you know must infuriate a certain costar who’s never been nominated for a Tony). In a recent interview with xoNecole Amber discussed new music (her first album Riley was independently released in 2020), her mental health journey and fighting to take up her ‘Big Girl Energy’ in an industry that doesn’t make much space for Black, plus-sized women:

Glee was ‘not her moment’: Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break. In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character “to have a voice” but eventually realized her efforts were useless. “It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I’m not who they’re choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now,” she says. “And, that’s okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I’m doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I’m seeing right now on screen.”

She wants respect, not approval: “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says. It’s why she’s worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She’d rather be respected. “I think you should be a person that’s easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I’m not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don’t have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life–in whatever aspect, whether that’s personal or business–people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it,” she says.

On creating “a life worth fighting for”: She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.” After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”

[From xoNecole]

Aesthetics first: the photos from this article are stunning. If you have any doubts about how the new mantra is working for her, just take a look. As for what she has to say, I kind of just want to send her a big Thank You for laying her thoughts out so clearly and confidently. It’s obvious that the woman she is today is the result of real work she put into her therapy. What she says about spending money in the name of enriching her life, while knowing money will always be a worry she carries, that’s a delicate balance. And therapy has helped her recognize that it’s worth investing in her own joy. That’s a lesson I appreciate hearing.

There were many moments in the interview where her descriptions were so vivid I nearly gasped. She talked about doctors in Hollywood pushing pills on her for anxiety, to the point where one day in makeup she put her arm down on a curling iron and didn’t even feel it cause she was so drugged out–the makeup artist had to point out to her that she was burning. She still has a scar on her arm. Amber doesn’t sound like she was complaining, she just spoke the truth (her truth). Looking to the future, she put out there that she wants to do a romcom with Winston Duke and someday play Rosetta Tharpe. Screenwriters, please make this happen.