Gary Goldsmith entered the Celebrity Big Brother house last weekend, and he only got to spend five days “in the house.” He was the first “celebrity” evicted, which is just… *chef’s kiss*. Either way it went, it would have been horrible news for the Windsors, the Middletons and the royalists. All they really wanted was to use the Princess of Wales’s uncle to parrot some of their unhinged talking points about the Sussexes. Instead, ITV paid six figures to a broke-ass domestic abuser, all so he could make an ass out of himself, the Middletons and the Windsors. Every second he was on CBB was further evidence that everything about the Middleton-Windsor clan is tacky, cheap, disreputable and low-class.

The Princess of Wales’s uncle has become the first person to be evicted from Celebrity Big Brother. The 58-year-old businessman was voted out by the public after just four nights. Kensington Palace aides were thought to be relieved that his time on the ITV1 show had ended after he used the platform to speak extensively about the Royal family.

After leaving the house, Mr Goldsmith admitted it had taken him a while to acclimatise. He said he felt as though he had been walking around with a target on his back after being nominated for eviction by fellow housemate Sharon Osborne. He also said he had been asked repeatedly about the Royal family because the housemates didn’t know what else to ask him.

Mr Goldsmith, wearing a denim shirt, said in his first exit interview: “This is the first television programme that I have ever done, my comfort zone is back in Slough, it took me a while to acclimatise.” He said he was “self-doubting” when he joined the ITV show, and he should have been “more authentic”. “I could have been way more gregarious,” he said.

Speaking about his many references to the royal family, he said: “People were asking me a lot of questions specifically about that because they didn’t know what to ask me. And I did volunteer it a lot. First time on TV and I cried like a baby, twice,” he said about his experience.

[From The Telegraph]

Hilariously, CBB fans apparently think the fix was in because of Gary’s eviction – fans apparently tried to vote to “save” him but he was still evicted because there are new rules or something. I wonder if there’s a conspiracy/theory that the palace managed to get Gary evicted from the CBB house. I feel like that might genuinely be a thing too. Especially since every royal reporter is basically saying that the palace was watching Dodgy Uncle Gary very closely:

Buckingham Palace is keeping a ‘watchful eye’ on Gary Goldsmith during his stint on Celebrity Big Brother, according to a royal expert. While Kate’s ‘bad uncle’ claimed he did not need the Firm’s stamp of approval to appear on the show, it is said the Palace is watching his every move.

Jennie Bond told the Mirror: ‘I think they’ll completely ignore it unless he says something so completely outrageous that they feel they’ve been goaded into responding to a reality show. I hope [William and Kate] aren’t investing their precious time into something that will be deeply upsetting to watch. He thinks being in there he’s a knight in shining armour, but the Palace will be keeping a watchful eye.’

Speaking to MailOnline today, royal expert Richard Fitzwilliams suggested the news [of Gary’s eviction] would come as a relief as the Middletons ‘will have pleaded with him not to go on Big Brother’, adding ‘I certainly wouldn’t want to be in his shoes when he and Carole Middleton next meet up! Good riddance to Uncle Gary. He thought he could trade on his royal connections, but the public will not have forgotten his conviction for assault in 2017 despite the hype surrounding his appearance. He had nothing to offer other than mumbled platitudes. These were, however, embarrassing, especially during this stressful period, for the royal family. However, the public sent him to the Tower early as he proved to be an abominable No-Man.’

[From The Daily Mail]

Yeah, I don’t doubt that they were watching him and “monitoring” the situation, but I also wonder if Gary’s whole deal is reciting talking points from some Daily Mail loon. From his ghost-written Mail columns to his CBB appearance, it definitely feels like Gary has been bought and paid for. Similar vibes with Toxic Tom Markle, and if you told me it was all the same project, with the same people behind it, I would believe you.

Screencaps from CBB/ITV.