Gary Goldsmith’s time on Celebrity Big Brother is not going well. The Princess of Wales’s uncle is in there with noted Sussex-hater Sharon Osbourne, who basically looks like a reanimated corpse. They’ve been sitting around, bitching about Prince Harry and Meghan, but then Sharon is now trying to get dodgy Uncle Gary evicted from the house. How the worm turns, eh? But really, Gary has already fulfilled his obligations by talking endlessly about the Sussexes and how Kate is a saint, an angel who never puts a foot wrong.

Gary Goldsmith, who is the brother of the Princess of Wales’s mother Carole Middleton, also said he believed there was a “rewrite of history saying how unhappy” the Duke of Sussex was, as the businessman opened up to fellow housemates on this year’s rebooted Celebrity Big Brother. Speaking to Sharon Osbourne on the reality show on Tuesday, the 58-year-old said of Harry: “I think it’s really sad. At some point, I think he’s going to come back and be part of the gang – he might need to. I think we’re a very forgiving nation, I think everyone would give him a chance.”

He said: “I have a feeling that Harry was really, really loved. When they were a threesome – so Kate, William and Harry – they looked really comfortable together. Then suddenly there’s an extra dynamic that comes in, puts a stick in the spokes, and creates so much drama that I don’t genuinely think was there – and rewrote the history and saying how unhappy he was. And I just don’t think that’s fair. You can’t throw your family under the bus, write books about it, and then expect to be invited around for Christmas.”

Mr Goldsmith also spoke of Kate and his admiration for how she prioritises her family. He said: “It’s difficult to get hold of Kate at the best of times, and she’s got children – and I love the fact she puts her family first.”

Speaking on social media, Goldsmith said conspiracy theorists ‘should leave [Kate] alone right now because there’s a reason why they’re not talking about it. They are giving her a little bit of space. I just think it’s fundamentally wrong and if it was happening to anybody else they would think to give them some space. But because Kate’s Kate, she does such an amazing job, there’s always interest in her. She’s the number one royal for a reason and I just beg people to give her some space. I do think that they’re changing the dynamic and they are family centric. They’ve got duty and it’s a privilege to have the roles that they do have, but it’s family first. You’ve got to look after yourself. You put your own oxygen mask on before you look after others. Kate, get well, love you and when you’re ready we’ll see you again. That’s what we do to anyone else, why not her?’

[From The Independent & The Daily Mail]

From what I saw online from British CBB-watchers, Gary’s comments went down like a lead balloon, especially his comments about Harry and Meghan. He’s complaining about the Sussexes selling out the royals… while he’s on a tacky reality show, selling out his royal in-laws. He’s a convicted domestic abuser who is targeting an American woman and calling her a “stick in the spokes.” And he’s continuing with the narrative that Harry should have just never married so he could be a third-wheel to William and Kate’s toxic marriage forever. Sure. Meanwhile, friends of Bill & Cathy ran to the Daily Beast to complain about Gary and everything else:

The [new photo of Kate on Monday] was immediately seized on by some critics, who argued that it was orchestrated by the palace, in a vivid example of the impossibility of answering all online critics. Sources have told The Daily Beast the appearance was not staged for the cameras.

A friend of William and Kate’s told The Daily Beast: “Gary’s a private citizen, and he can do what he likes, but he must have known that doing Big Brother right now would fuel the feeding frenzy. It’s inconsiderate to say the least. Kate and William have had every excuse to dump Gary but they never have. But if he says something embarrassing, or gives away any personal information, that will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.”

Another friend of the family said: “He couldn’t have picked a worse time. It’s blatant cashing in and it is thoughtless. But since the queen died, it has been pretty much open season.” Asked if this meant they thought the late queen would have actively used her influence to prevent someone tangentially involved with the family like Goldsmith appearing on a reality show, the friend said: “I just don’t think he would have dared had she been alive. Now anyone seems to be able to do whatever they want without repercussions.”

However, a friend of Carole’s told The Daily Beast: “Gary is a lot of things but he isn’t stupid. There is no way he will say anything to risk his relationship with the family. Mike Tindall did I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here and that was fine, and I am sure this will be too.”

[From The Daily Beast]

It’s true that since QEII died, all of the minor royals and royal-adjacents and Kate’s tacky family have all been cashing in, however they can. It blew up in the Middletons’ faces last year when Party Pieces collapsed and with it, the Middleton house of cards. That’s the larger story, one which has been curiously ignored by the British media. Between Party Pieces’ collapse and Gary’s CBB appearance, it looks like the Middleton-Goldsmith clan is in dire financial straits, and it looks like they’ve lied about their money for decades. Phrases like “blackmail risk” and “would do anything for an easy paycheck” are ricocheting around my head.

Screencaps courtesy of Celebrity Big Brother’s YouTube video & Instagram.

Queen Camilla is still on vacation and will be through the weekend. Her next scheduled appearance is on Commonwealth Day, March 11, where she will “lead the family” at a service at Westminster Abbey in her husband’s absence. Prince William is scheduled to appear alongside his stepmother but we’ll see if that really happens. Camilla’s holiday this week didn’t exactly land the way she hoped – she thought people would be like “of course she needs time off, she’s been carrying the Windsors on her back!” Instead, people were like “thirteen events in one month isn’t really working your fingers to the bone, Cammy Cakes.” There are also rumors of a larger rift between Camilla and Prince William, but who even knows at this point. So, it’s time for Camilla’s allies to try to refocus the narrative: Camilla is “shattered” and overworked, but she would never complain about it.

Shattered: “She is absolutely shattered and exhausted by the turmoil of the past two months,” a friend of Camilla’s told The Daily Beast. “She is 76 years old, and her husband has just been diagnosed with cancer. Anyone would find that a lot to deal with, without the media scrutiny that comes with her position as well.”

She would never complain about anything! Another friend of the family told The Daily Beast: “Camilla has basically had to do everything in recent months, and it is no secret that it has been tiring. She has been under extraordinary pressure at a time in her life when most people are well into their retirement. You would never hear her moan about it because she knows it goes with the territory, but everyone is just very glad she is taking some time for herself, especially as this could go on for several more months.”

She works so hard, you guys: Asked how Camilla felt about taking on so much more work than she had likely anticipated—Camilla has undertaken 13 official engagements since the king’s cancer diagnosis was announced on February 5, and has been the public face of the monarchy since then—one of her friends said: “It wasn’t what she anticipated but, as anyone who knows her will tell you, she is not a complainer. She is proud to support her husband. We are all just very happy that she has actually gone ahead and taken this week off.”

No one knows where she is: Asked if they knew where Camilla had gone, the friend would only say her destination was overseas and extremely private. The Daily Beast has not been able to confirm her destination. The palace did not respond to a request for comment. There is little doubt however that her absence has left the royal family, which was already notably short-staffed before, looking even more threadbare.

William still refuses to do much: While there are increasing calls in mainstream and social media for William to return to a fuller schedule of engagements, especially after he cancelled a high-profile appearance at a memorial service for his godfather, the last king of Greece, last week, The Daily Beast has been told that William is determined to stick to his guns and maintain a light schedule until his wife is fully recovered, likely around Easter. The couple are not expected to travel abroad much this year, if at all.

Camilla’s holiday was a mistake?? A former palace staffer told The Daily Beast: “I totally get Camilla taking time off, she needs it, but my personal view is that it will probably turn out to be a mistake for her to have got on a plane. The reason the queen never went abroad for holidays is that their staff just can’t protect their privacy overseas in the same way they can at the royal estates. With everything going on, it’s not the perfect time to be chilling by a pool. If she had stayed in the U.K. they wouldn’t have even had to announce anything.”

[From The Daily Beast]

See, I think if Camilla had announced a week off with the time spent at Ray Mill or Highgrove, people would have been more accepting of that – a staycation, if you will, where Camilla would be seen as “on call” in case of emergency, and physically close to her ill husband. Jetting off on an overseas holiday while her husband has cancer and while the working-royal ranks are so threadbare… that’s a huge problem. I love how these sources are like “Camilla never complains” whilst complaining on her behalf. Please: Charles, Camilla, Kate, William, Sophie, Edward – they all complain and explain constantly.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.

Gwyneth Paltrow “operates like a colonizer.” So true. [LaineyGossip]
Austin Butler improvised his kiss with Stellan Skarsgard. [Socialite Life]
Caitlin Clark keeps shattering NCAA records. [Jezebel]
Mark Zuckerberg & Priscilla Chan attended an Indian billionaire’s wedding. [Hollywood Life]
Rihanna performed at that same billionaire’s wedding. [OMG Blog]
A Dune reader explains things to Dune watchers. [Pajiba]
American airports are definitely falling way behind. [Buzzfeed]
Kumail Nanjiani joins the cast of Only Murders in the Building. [JustJared]
Sinbad gave us a health update. [Seriously OMG]
I kind of love Cate Blanchett’s Fendi suit. [RCFA]

In the past week, I’ve gotten the feeling that the royalists would much rather talk about how much they hate Prince Andrew, as opposed to the weirdness around Prince William skipping his godfather’s memorial service and then Camilla jetting off on holiday this week. They’re telegraphing the fact that they really, really do not want to talk about the situations with Camilla and William, situations which I thought were somewhat separate. But according to the Mail’s Ephraim Hardcastle column – “Eyebrows are raised at Queen Camilla’s decision to take a week off amid shortage of royals” – the Peg & Cam situations are linked.

Royal eyebrows tilt skyward at Queen Camilla’s decision to take a week off in the midst of the Family Firm’s worst labour shortage in history.

With both the King and the Princess of Wales hors de combat, there simply aren’t enough of the first team to cover the plethora of engagements requiring a royal presence.

Mischief makers hint at a falling-out between Camilla and William stemming from his no-show at King Constantine’s memorial at Windsor, and claim she decided on a holiday.

Alarmingly, the sudden dearth of working royals has given discredited Andrew hope of some sort of rehabilitation by helping William and Princess Anne fill the gaps. But one courtier whispers of an Andrew comeback: ‘He has two chances. None and none at all.’

[From The Daily Mail]

“Mischief makers hint at a falling-out between Camilla and William stemming from his no-show at King Constantine’s memorial at Windsor, and claim she decided on a holiday.” This is the first I’m hearing of that mischievous theory. I would actually believe that William and Camilla have been at “war” to some degree for months now, especially as Camilla’s actions and photo-ops exposed William’s lies and obfuscation around Kate and everything else. It’s like Camilla has been trying to expose him, and maybe Constantine’s memorial service last week was the final straw for both of them? I could absolutely believe that Camilla saw every other Windsor taking time off and going on vacation and she decided she deserved a holiday too. I also believe that Camilla’s holiday is unpopular within Buckingham Palace – the “tell” there was Camilla plainly briefing to the Times that she works so hard and completely deserves some spa treatments.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.

I’ve said this a few times – and I even said it in this week’s Gossip with Celebitchy podcast – but the timeline for the Princess of Wales’s return to public life is not actually going to be “around Easter.” The palace began pushing back that timeline almost immediately, especially since Kate and William usually disappear for a month around Easter anyway, because of their kids’ school holiday. The ultimate goal was and is to have Kate out, doing events, by June. That’s the real timeline – they want her to attend Trooping the Colour in June, and if she’s not out and about by then, some sh-t will really go down. Speaking of, the Ministry of Defense announced that Kate would absolutely attend Trooping, and now Kensington Palace is pushing back on that. Well well.

The Princess of Wales’s attendance at Trooping the Colour has been announced by the Ministry of Defence before getting the green light from Kensington Palace, prompting confusion about her involvement. The Army’s website announced that the Princess, as Colonel of the Irish Guards, would review soldiers on parade on June 8. However, the palace was not consulted ahead of the announcement and has not yet confirmed her attendance.

While plans are in place for the Princess to attend, sources said the palace would make the official announcement as and when a final decision is made.

The MoD said the King, who is undergoing cancer treatment, would also be back in action for his official birthday parade the following Saturday, June 15. Tickets have gone on sale for both events.

The announcement is the first to be announced for the Princess since she stepped back from official duties to convalesce following abdominal surgery on Jan 16. Buckingham Palace sources said that planning for the King’s future engagements continued, with allowance to be made for his changed circumstances, if necessary, nearer the time. The Army’s website, which is selling tickets for £15, said the Trooping the Colour attended by the Princess would be the same as the parade traditionally inspected by the monarch.

[From The Telegraph]

We should keep a list going on all of the upcoming events which William and Kate refuse to confirm – no one will say if William will attend the service for Commonwealth Day next week, no one will say if William will do the D-Day anniversary events, no one will confirm the Waleses’ appearances at Trooping, no one will confirm any appearance for St. Patrick’s Day (Kate is the new patron of the Irish Guards, she took over from William last year). And on and on. KP is making it clear: don’t assume you’re going to see William OR Kate until the autumn, and maybe not even then.

Oh, look who just confirmed for Commonwealth Day! I wonder if William will end up canceling at the last minute.

NEW
The Queen accompanied by The Prince of Wales, The Duke and Duchess of
Edinburgh, The Princess Royal, The Duke and Duchess of Gloucester and The Duke of Kent will
attend the annual Commonwealth Day Service of Celebration @wabbey on Monday

— Rebecca English (@RE_DailyMail) March 5, 2024

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images, Backgrid.

One of the most upsetting stories of the week is absolutely the Noah Cyrus-Tish Cyrus mess. Noah is Tish’s 24-year-old daughter. Noah apparently had some kind of friends-with-benefits situation with Dominic Purcell circa 2022, and Purcell moved from Noah to Tish. Tish and Dominic got married last August and, at the time, there was some minor drama within the Cyrus family. Several of the Cyrus kids, including Noah, did not attend the wedding. We didn’t know what the drama was all about at the time and now we know: Noah and her new stepfather used to have sexual relations. A whole-ass tacky mess. Well, Miley Cyrus has always been one of her mom’s biggest supporters, but apparently this Noah-Dominic situation was news to her.

Miley Cyrus was unaware of any alleged “drama” surrounding her sister Noah Cyrus, mother Tish Cyrus and her mom’s new husband Dominic Purcell, a source tells PEOPLE exclusively.

“Miley had no idea about the drama with Dominic. No idea at all,” the insider says of the “Flowers” singer, 31, after a source revealed earlier this week that Noah, 24, and Purcell, 54, had been seeing each other before his marriage to Tish, 56.

“She confronted her mom about it. She thinks it’s a strange situation, but she loves her mom and wants her to be happy,” the insider adds.

Representatives for Miley, Tish, Noah and Purcell did not immediately respond to PEOPLE’s request for comment on Sunday. A rep for Noah previously had no comment this week regarding the alleged relationship between her and Purcell. Earlier this week, a source told PEOPLE that the younger Cyrus sister “was offended” over her mom’s relationship with the Prison Break star.

The insider claimed that Noah and Purcell had previously hooked up and stopped seeing each other before the actor and Tish had pursued their own relationship.

“Noah and Dominic were seeing each other in a friends with benefits way, off and on. They stopped seeing each other and then Tish started something up,” the source said, adding that “Tish knew he had been seeing Noah.”

“Tish never gave Noah the chance to talk about all of this before they got married,” the insider also noted.

[From People]

I sort of believe that Miley was unaware, just as I believe that Tish was aware of Noah’s thing with Dominic. Honestly, Tish and Dominic happened so quickly, it would not surprise me at all if the entire Cyrus clan (except Noah) was largely unaware of Dominic’s romantic history. Miley had probably only spent a short amount of time with him before he married Tish. This whole thing is just… ugh.

Meanwhile, did you know that Tish has a podcast called Sorry We’re Stoned? She recently chatted with Wiz Khalifa about how she wishes that she was smoking weed when her kids were growing up. She thinks she would have been a more relaxed parent. I don’t know, marrying your daughter’s former lover is a different kind of relaxed.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images, Tish’s Instagram.

The South by Southwest Festival starts on Friday, March 8th, the same day as International Women’s Day. For IWD, guess who’s coming to SXSW? The Duchess of Sussex! Saddle up, because the squad is heading down to Austin, Texas, yeehaw! While Austin is known as a bastion of liberal politics, the rest of Texas, not so much. Texas is currently something of a right-wing laboratory for all things anti-woman, anti-LGBTQ, anti-child, pro-gun, pro-police and pro-Trump dictatorship. So I would assume that Meghan will stay in Austin and go nowhere else when she participates in the IWD keynote panel discussion on Friday:

Meghan Markle has something special planned for International Women’s Day. On Monday, the SXSW Conference announced that the Duchess of Sussex, 42, will participate in the Opening Day Keynote Panel later this week. The 38th conference celebrating the convergence of technology, film, television and music kicks off Friday in Austin, Texas, and runs until March 16.

Meghan is set to join a panel called “Breaking Barriers, Shaping Narratives: How Women Lead On and Off the Screen” alongside Katie Couric, Brooke Shields and Nancy Wang Yuen, an author, sociologist, pop culture expert and diversity, equity, and inclusion consultant at Peoplism. The conversation will be moderated by Errin Haines, host of The Amendment podcast and editor-at-large for The 19th News.

“Women’s representation in media and entertainment has come a long way, but there’s still much to be done, especially for women of color and mothers. Social media’s omnipresence has raised the stakes, creating an often dangerous environment which has led to serious mental health issues for teenage girls in particular,” said the release about the keynote.

The group including Meghan, Couric and Shields was described as “visionary female leaders at the forefront of news, media, entertainment, and philanthropy who are breaking barriers, challenging stereotypes, and working toward a healthier society on and off our screens.” The Duchess of Sussex was shouted out as a feminist, champion of human rights and gender equity and co-founder of The Archewell Foundation, among other accolades.

“Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex, Katie Couric, Brooke Shields, Nancy Wang Yuen and Errin Haines are the perfect finishing touch to eight days of remarkable Keynote Speakers,” Hugh Forrest, Co-President and Chief Programming Officer of SXSW, said in a statement. “We are so honored to host this distinguished group on International Women’s Day for a significant discussion on the importance of representation in media and entertainment.”

[From People]

I honestly haven’t heard much about Katie Couric in a few years, not since she released her memoir, which turned out to be a tone-deaf exercise in how much Couric hates women and spent much of her broadcast career going out of her way to undermine and destroy other women. What a choice for International Women’s Day, huh? I doubt Couric was Meghan’s call. Anyway, it will be interesting – Meghan is a very good public speaker, and the way this is being described, it will be more of a panel discussion than a series of speeches. Meaning, I bet Couric and Meghan are on stage together. Ten bucks says that Couric tries some mean girl sh-t on Meghan and/or Brooke.

Announcing a Keynote Session with Meghan, The Duchess of Sussex, @katiecouric, @BrookeShields, @nancywyuen, and @errinhaines for #SXSW on March 8! #InternationalWomensDay https://t.co/5WlpfCU4Hl pic.twitter.com/L3UOY67vaP

— SXSW (@sxsw) March 4, 2024

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, screencaps courtesy of NYT Dealbook video.

While caring for her husband Bruce amid his frontotemporal dementia (FTD) diagnosis, and raising their daughters, Emma Heming Willis has also decided to be a advocate for FTD patients and families. She wants to pay forward all the support and resources she’s received. Emma has made it clear that, unlike the actors in her family, being a public advocate is outside her comfort zone. But the cause of helping others understand aphasia and FTD is worth stepping out of her shell. What it shouldn’t have to involve, though, is needing to tell the media at large to stop making up “stupid headlines” about Bruce and how he’s doing. Yet that’s how Emma spent her Sunday:

“The headline basically says there is no more joy in my husband. Now, I can just tell you, that is far from the truth,” Emma said as she began the video. “I need society — and whoever’s writing these stupid headlines — to stop scaring people. Stop scaring people to think that once they get a diagnosis of some kind of neurocognitive disease that that’s it. ‘It’s over. Let’s pack it up. We’re — Nothing else to see here. We’re done.’ No.”

She then said that her family’s experience has been the “complete opposite of that” amid Bruce’s frontotemporal dementia (FTD) diagnosis.

“There is grief and sadness. There’s all of that. But you start a new chapter,” Emma said, adding that the new chapter is filled “with love, it’s filled with connection, it’s filled with joy, it’s filled with happiness.”

“That’s where we are. So stop with these stupid headlines. These stupid clickbaity things that freak people out. Stop doing that. There’s nothing to see here, okay?” she continued.

In the caption, Emma reflected further on the inaccurate reporting she’d seen as she encouraged media outlets to be “mindful” of how stories about dementia are framed.

“My experience is that two things can be true and exist at the same time. Grief and deep love. Sadness and deep connection. Trauma and resilience. I had to get out of my own way to get here but once I arrived, life really started to come together with meaning and I had a true sense of purpose. There is so much beauty and soulfulness in this story,” she wrote.

“Here’s what I’ve come to understand is that we are being educated by the wrong people. People that have an opinion versus an experience. People that have not taken the time to properly educate themselves on any kind of neurocognitive disease. Why can I be so bold and say that? Because I see headline after headline and blurbs of misinformation,” Emma continued.

She added: “I’m not even talking about my family, I’m used to the craziness of these farfetched headlines and stories. I’m just talking about baseline dementia awareness and what’s being fed to the public. You wonder why anxiety and depression is up in our society. I honestly think part of it has to do with this kind of clickbait, how things are framed and pushed out to us and how we have a split second to take that information in. Man, it’ll do a number on my psyche.”

[From People]

Emma found a way to refocus the topic back to FTD education and awareness, but again, she shouldn’t have to deal with this. The only people who have the authority to speak on Bruce’s condition right now are Emma, Demi Moore, and his daughters. And their public comments of late have been filled with love, fondness, and even joy. Yes, the relationships have changed, but like Emma says, love and grief can coexist. By contrast, someone who’s never met Bruce wrote a negative, clickbaity headline about him. It’s tasteless, not to mention hurtful for those close to Bruce and for family members of people with dementia.

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A post shared by Emma Heming Willis (@emmahemingwillis)

Photos credit: CPA, PacificCoastNews / Avalon, Media Punch/INSTARimages.com, Backgrid and via Instagram

Dua Lipa wore a very Angelina Jolie-esque black leather Versace gown to the BRIT Awards. Did she get a new stylist? Because she’s been killing it. [RCFA]
Sophie Turner stepped out with Peregrine Pearson in Paris. [Just Jared]
Rafa Nadal played well at the “Netflix Slam” and he also spoke about whether he will really retire at the end of this year. [Socialite Life]
Sydney Sweeney really enjoyed herself in NYC, ahead of SNL. [LaineyGossip]
You know what’s underrated? Diet Dr. Pepper. [Seriously OMG]
Review of Dune 2. [Pajiba]
Marion Cotillard will always be up for some Chanel. [Go Fug Yourself]
Charli’s new music video for “Von Dutch.” [OMG Blog]
90 Day Fiance’s Citra is pregnant. [Starcasm]
North West is sharing photos of her dad on her TikTok. [Hollywood Life]
Women talking about the everyday sexism they experience. [Buzzfeed]

The Telegraph was one of several major outlets trying to explain just how the disappearance of the Princess of Wales has become such a major international story. To be fair, I think once we passed the two-month mark without hearing from or seeing Kate, there would have always been drama. But the drama was definitely compounded when Prince William skipped King Constantine’s memorial service at the last minute, citing “personal reasons.” That seemed like the final straw or the dam breaking or whatever metaphor you want – there was no turning back, and Kensington Palace’s incompetence in dealing with the conversations and conspiracies has made matters worse. So, the Telegraph did a lengthy piece called “How a week of Princess of Wales conspiracies are testing royal tradition; Amid a torrent of social media rumours speculating on Kate’s health, can the policy of ‘never complain, never explain’ continue to hold?” Hannah Furness actually got some panicky quotes from royal insiders who are insisting that Kate is absolutely fine, she just won’t be seen for a while.

Kate’s absence: It has been 68 days, the internet will tell you, since the public saw “Kate Middleton”. That she is recovering from major surgery at home – the explanation offered freely, clearly and repeatedly by the palace – is not enough to satisfy modern curiosity. According to social media, overseas websites and WhatsApp groups across the country, she may instead be hiding in a mystery location, in a coma, being cloned, having “Brazilian butt lift” cosmetic surgery, or waiting for a bad haircut to grow out. For the avoidance of doubt: she isn’t.

Never complain, never explain: In the absence of a stream of updates from Kensington Palace about the Princess, there comes the wisdom of social media conspiracy theorists and trolls making mischief – some glib, others (in light of the Princess’s inarguable medical needs) grimly sinister. The old palace policy of “never complain, never explain” is being tested to destruction.

Will & Kate’s spokesperson: “From our perspective, we were very clear from our statement at the start of this in January that the Princess of Wales planned to be out of public action until after Easter, and that hasn’t changed,” says a spokesman for the Waleses. We were always clear we wouldn’t be providing updates when there wasn’t anything new to share. The last thing anyone wants is a running commentary of the Princess of Wales’s recovery. Nothing has changed from that approach in January.”

All of the conspiracies & jokes about Kate: “Some of it’s funny, I guess?” said one source. “More of it is pretty uncomfortable, when you remember this is a real person they’re talking about.” Add in a new media landscape where anyone can set themselves up as a “royal expert”, it all has an air of spiralling out of control. Much of the divisive disinformation about the Royal family is assumed to have been spread by bots and trolls, but there are now countless social media accounts dedicated to obsessive fandoms cheering on either the Sussexes or the Waleses at the expense of the other. TikTok influencers who discuss royal events from thousands of miles away, having never set foot in a room with a royal or anyone who knows them, garner multi-millions of views by virtue of being outside the “mainstream media”.

The Spanish reports of Kate’s coma: Even the more traditional parts of the media have played a part – overseas. A detailed report on a popular Spanish television news programme, alleging that the Princess was in a coma, is still being widely discussed despite being denied in full by a royal aide. All in, the palaces now face an ungovernable cycle of new media which is meddling with its protocols like never before.

KP is mad that Buckingham Palace makes them look bad: Part of the problem, one old hand points out, is the difference in the responses between the palaces: Kensington representing the Waleses and Buckingham representing the King and Queen. “The public just doesn’t know what to expect,” the source noted. “One day they’re hearing all about the King’s prostate, the next they’re not hearing why William has missed his godfather’s memorial. Neither of those approaches are necessarily right or wrong, but you can see why the general public are confused.” Another said: “I honestly don’t think there’s any mystery or need to panic.”

No proof of life for Kate: After calls for the Princess to pose for photographs as evidence of her whereabouts, one source says: “Why should she? Truly, I don’t get it. In what other circumstance would a woman take sick leave after a major operation, and instead of being allowed to recover she’s supposed to pose for pictures?”

Friends of the Waleses: The truth about the Princess’s health, say friends of the Waleses, is not salacious. She is doing well; she will be fine; her recovery is tiring and necessarily long. She did not stay in hospital for two weeks through private healthcare decadence or – as some ill-thought-through online theories would have – to get some peace and quiet: it was, literally, for the good of her health.

Again, KP is mad that BP makes them look bad: “They need to be aligned in their approach,” says a former royal adviser. “At the moment, one palace never explains, the other is always explaining.”

[From The Telegraph]

Please, this is delicious. It’s the “I never thought leopards would eat MY face” of royal gossip. Remember when Kate was set up as the perfect princess who always did her duty and posed for photos because she could always be counted on to dutifully follow the terms of the invisible contract, so long as she was set up as the perfect (white) princess? And now we’ve got “of course Kate will not pose for photos after going missing for 70 days, how dare you even suggest that!” There are multiple stories happening all at once here – one story about what is really going on with Kate, one story about Kensington Palace’s incompetence with managing the unfolding crisis, and one story about how KP and Buckingham Palace are fighting because Charles is running circles around William’s incompetent ass.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Backgrid, Cover Images.