Fashionistas yell at me when I share my thoughts about Schiaparelli, but I can’t help myself: this stuff might be beautifully constructed, but the looks are always completely tragic and unflattering. I get why fashion girls wear Sciaparelli and why it must feel like you’re wearing a challenging piece of avant-garde art, but I’m simply too much of a traditionalist, I guess. Why would you wear some dumb sculptural piece which makes you look like an alien, when you could just wear some basic-bitch flattering gown?

Anyway, these are some photos from Monday’s Schiaparelli show during Paris Fashion Week. I was surprised to see two headliner celebrities attend the show: Zendaya and Jennifer Lopez. J.Lo is a traditionalist – she loves Valentino, Oscar de la Renta, Ralph Lauren, Versace. Why Schiaparelli? Why THOSE glasses? Why that hair??? Speaking of bad hair, check out Zendaya. When I use the phrase “bangs trauma,” this is what I’m talking about. I’m sure it’s a wig or hairpiece, but we’ve finally answered the question of “can Zendaya pull off any look?” No, she cannot. I’m also surprised to see her at this runway show, given the fact that she signed an exclusive contract with Louis Vuitton.

Bonus: Hunter Schafer got the best Schiaparelli, honestly. There’s like one good idea in a collection full of bullsh-t – the stand alone gilded lily, unattached to the dress. People would love to just buy that one piece and wear it as jewelry.

Photos courtesy of Backgrid.

Angela Levin is looney-tunes royal commentator and, bizarrely, one of Queen Camilla’s biographers of record. Levin gets some of her talking points from the palace, I’m sure. But some of her talking points come from the voices in her head, or the darkest, most deranged parts of the anti-Sussex internet. Levin has been called in to give some commentary about all of the royal health crises going around these days, from King Charles’s enlarged prostate to Fergie’s skin cancer to Princess Kate’s mysterious hospitalization and abdominal surgery. The clip of Levin talking about Kate and William has gone viral in some quarters:

Some partial transcript of Levin’s comments:

“It’s very unusual to stay in hospital for 14 days. If at home you’ve got all the comfort that you could have with someone coming in and looking after you. She could have nurses galore and the children could see their mother. But she is there for 14 days and they seem very firm that she won’t be doing anything until around Easter, which is a very long time. I think that’s the most scary thing about it. She works so hard and tries so hard that I think it’s very concerning that she’s there. She’s not the sort of woman who wants to stay in a hospital.”

“[William] goes back to his own mother, when he became what she called ‘the man of the house.’ He had to deal with her mental illnesses and crying and screaming and he put tissues under the bathroom door when she locked herself in, to help her. And I think he’s took that responsibility on when he was only 15 and didn’t quite know what to do. But here is a mature man and he will know that his priority is to look after his wife, who has been so wonderfully supportive to him, that he’s decided that this is the thing he’s going to do.”

[Via GB News]

It’s the comparison of Diana and Kate, specifically the idea that William will understand how to handle Kate’s situation because of his mother’s “mental illnesses.” Not to give Levin the benefit of the doubt here, but I suspect she wasn’t trying to spill anything, she was just trying to position William as a “caretaker” to his mother and now his wife. I will say that I find William’s absence at the London Clinic the most bizarre part of all of this. Kate had major surgery last Tuesday (a week ago) and he’s only visited her once? And the kids haven’t gone to see their mother? And Carole hasn’t been to the hospital either?

Photos courtesy of Backgrid, Cover Images.

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As you all know, Nick Cannon has 12 children with six different women, ranging from ages 12 (his twins with Mariah Carey) to 13 months (daughter Halo Marie with Alyssa Scott). Over the last couple of years, Nick has gotten a lot of side-eye – to put it nicely – over his large brood and his unconventional arrangement with his children’s mothers. This arrangement involves Nick only financially supporting them as long as they don’t date anyone other than him while stipulating that he can date as many women as he wants to.

Nick, for his part, has always outwardly expressed happiness and been welcoming of all of his children. He even drops $200k a year to take them to Disneyland! In a recent interview with People, Cannon was asked about his kids, including what it’s like having them in such an extensive age range, what’s rewarding about it, and whether or not there’s room for one more.

The most challenging aspect of having teens to infants: “My entire life is challenging. I don’t live a normal existence, but I embrace it. I love challenges. I wouldn’t say there was one specific thing that stands out more than another. Every day, there’s a new challenge, and I accept it.”

The most rewarding part of fatherhood: “Just hearing your kids say, ‘I love you, Daddy.’ You know what I mean? The first time they say it, whether they’re one year old or 18 months, to hearing it from your kids that are on the brink of being teenagers, there’s nothing better than that,” he continues, also noting that “big hugs” and “picking them up from school” are some other “best” moments.

From Christmas to Spring Break: Currently, Cannon says that he is “finally coming up for air” after celebrating the holidays with his kids and is now “preparing for all the spring break type of stuff that’s right upon us. So, a lot of getting back outside again, a lot of basketball starting back up, and just a lot of sports and outdoor activities. As a dad, that’s the kind of stuff you structure your schedule around, all of your kids’ extracurricular activities.”

Cheaper by the Baker’s Dozen? When asked if he has any plans to welcome any more kids to his larger-than-life brood, Cannon laughs, telling PEOPLE, “I’m chilling right now. There’s no plans on the horizon as of yet. It’s so funny, everybody’s always trying to get me to have more kids. It’s like, 12 ain’t enough?”

[From People]

I mean, for me, two was enough, so if you want my opinion, I’d say yes, 12 is plenty, lol. I’m glad he finally got there. As for most rewarding moments, there really is something to be said about how happy your kids are to see you when you pick them up from school. (Three of Nick’s kids are school-aged and a couple are preschool-aged.) Those hugs really are just the best. I also really enjoy the bedtime chats I have with my boys, which is when they’re most willing to openly share. I wonder how much Nick actually picks his school-aged kids up or participates in bedtime.

I do wonder who exactly is trying to get him to have more kids. People who love reporting on this kind of stuff? The women with whom he already has children? Are there new girlfriends in the mix? Is it his publicist who just wants a head’s up? You know, Nick, there’s a way for men to continue having unprotected sex without the threat of pregnancy. It’s called a vasectomy. I promise it won’t take your manhood away from you. It will only lessen the amount of time and money you have to spend at Disneyland.

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Sofia Vergara is starring as the late, real-life former drug lord Griselda Blanco in the upcoming Netflix series Griselda. Blanco, who was also known as the “Cocaine Godmother,” immigrated to Miami, Florida from Colombia in 1964. She began a successful cocaine operation that led her to reign over the Miami drug trade. (Note to anyone who has read The Thursday Murder Club series: I know they are nothing alike, but now whenever I read about a cocaine Queenpin, I can only picture Connie in my mind, lol.)

The first of six episodes of Griselda was set to drop on Thursday, January 25. Vergara, who is also a producer, has been heavily promoting the series. However, this premiere date is now in jeopardy because Netflix and Vergara are being sued by Blanco’s family for using their image and likeness without permission. Her last surviving son, named – I kid you not – Michael Corleone Blanco alleges that he’d been sharing stories with parties interested in giving his mom’s story the Hollywood treatment up until 2022. According to Mikey C, Netflix told him that they wouldn’t use any of these stories. They did anyway. Oops!

In the lawsuit, Blanco’s son reportedly said that he’d been shopping around his and his mother’s life stories since 2009 in the hopes of developing them into a production. Netflix expressed interest during that time, he said. The son, who has previously shared tales about his mother in multiple public interviews, alleged that the streamer said it wouldn’t utilize any of his anecdotes. But the upcoming series heavily relies on them anyway, he claimed, adding that he did not receive any compensation.

According to the lawsuit, the Blanco children are seeking a court injunction to prevent the show’s release. Representatives for Netflix and Vergara did not immediately reply to HuffPost’s requests for comment.

Vergara recently sat down with ET to discuss her portrayal of Blanco, describing her as “a complex person.”

“There are so many nuances to explore in terms of who she was as a drug lord and, of course, as a woman, as a mother,” said Vergara, who herself is Colombian. “She was someone who did whatever it took to protect her family. I really wanted to explore that from the point of view of, you know, of her being one of the only women in history to have gone as far as she did.”

Blanco was reportedly one of the first Colombian women to traffic cocaine into the U.S. She spent years behind bars for drug trafficking and three murders. But some suspected that she was linked to dozens more killings, if not hundreds.

Blanco was also a focus of 2006’s cult-classic documentary “Cocaine Cowboys.” She was shot dead in 2012.

[From HuffPo]

I’m always kinda struck by these types of lawsuits. Well, not the lawsuits themselves, but by the fact that production companies will use images or personal stories about their subject without the necessary permission. On one hand, wouldn’t it be easy enough to write a check and get permission? But on the other hand, is there any kind of legal document that Michael Blanco should have signed ahead of time to make sure Netflix didn’t do him dirty? I think US copyright laws probably would indicate that Michael gave permission by consenting to the interview because nothing he said was copyrighted, but I’d love to hear more about this area of law from any experts out there. I do know that companies will steal ideas from people they interview from jobs and, other than not just answering those types of interview questions, there’s not much you can do about it. Either way, I have a feeling that Michael and Netflix will probably work something out that (hopefully) fairly compensates him. Griselda sounds like she was a fascinating and powerful woman who is about to gain a whole new generation of notoriety.

Photos credit: Netflix Press

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Up until recently I’ve been laughing along bemusedly at the Stanley cup craze. But now I’m starting to get nervous that it’s a bad omen for an election year. Quick recap: TikTok has bewitched the masses into losing their ever-loving minds over the $45 Stanley Quencher. Which is a water bottle. That’s it! Maybe it’s just because the caucuses have begun and I’m projecting all my fears onto the public’s vehement selection of a water bottle that I patently don’t understand the zealotry over. And speaking of, police arrested a woman in Sacramento for stealing 65 Stanley cups from one store, about $2,500 worth of merchandise. Please let the madness stop

The craze for Stanley stainless steel drinking cups reached new levels last week when a woman was arrested for allegedly stealing 65 of them, worth almost $2,500, from a store in California.

Police in Roseville, Placer County, northeast of Sacramento, said Sunday that they were called to a reported theft from a store on Stanford Ranch Road in the city on January 17.

“Staff saw a woman take a shopping cart full of Stanley water bottles without paying for them. The suspect refused to stop for staff and stuffed her car with the stolen merchandise,” police said in a statement on Facebook.

“An officer spotted the suspect vehicle as it entered Highway 65 from Galleria Blvd and initiated a traffic stop,” the statement said.

The so-far unnamed woman, 23, from Sacramento, was arrested for grand theft. Pictures released by police show her car trunk and passenger seat stuffed with a variety of cups.

Stanley cups have become highly-sought items in recent months, thanks to a trend driven by social media influencers. The “Quencher” cup, which holds 40 fluid ounces and retails on the Stanley website at $45, has in particular become a fashionable item.

“While Stanley Quenchers are all the rage, we strongly advise against turning to crime to fulfill your hydration habits,” police said.

[From NBC News]

OK here’s where I’m struggling, aside from the fact that we’re still just talking about stainless steel water bottles: the store employees see this woman with 65 Stanleys in her shopping cart, they ask her to stop but she refuses, loads up her car, and drives away. Was it not possible to detain her while she was transferring the cups from cart to car? Please educate me! Because right now I’m just imagining myself as the thief and… yeah I would totally be apprehendable in the act of moving 65 water bottles into my car. The maneuver would be neither smooth nor swift. Plus I’m a responsible shopping cart user and would be simply unable to leave the parking lot without returning the cart to one of the designated stations. Thieves can have manners too, you know. Anyway, I applaud the police for not only stopping the theft in action, but even more so for issuing the superbly dry statement: “we strongly advise against turning to crime to fulfill your hydration habits.” No notes.

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Nicole Kidman vamped it up in a good Versace & terrible makeup at the NYC Expats premiere. Why did her makeup artist do this to her?? [RCFA]
Kate Hudson does look very ‘90s in these pics. [LaineyGossip]
Was Jacob Elordi a good SNL host? [Pajiba]
Halle Bailey explains why she kept her pregnancy a secret. [Hollywood Life]
Hello to Pedro Pascal & Jay Ellis. [Go Fug Yourself]
Lana del Rey is doing ads for SKIMS. [OMG Blog]
A conversation about Great Photo, Lovely Life. [Jezebel]
Simone Biles shows support for her husband. [Just Jared]
Justin Timberlake will be the SNL musical guest next weekend. [Seriously OMG]
Jinger Vuolo is feuding with her in-laws. [Starcasm]
Hidden features of common products (I didn’t know half of these). [Buzzfeed]

All of these Sussex-focused articles being published in the wake of the Princess of Wales and King Charles’s dual “health crises” have one purpose: to do everything possible to keep the focus off of Prince William, Kate and Kate’s mysterious medical situation. It’s classic and obvious deflection, and the “deflect to negativity about the Sussexes” thing has been happening for the past six years. What’s interesting is that this time, it feels like people really aren’t buying it? It’s gotten so absurd, all of this performative wailing about how Harry and Meghan should be living in the UK, being kicked and abused and denigrated just so William can do god knows what with god knows who while Kate is in the hospital. I’ve literally lol’d at some of the hysteria, and I had a good chuckle at this NY Post piece, “As royal family suffers health crises, Meghan Markle ‘had no intention of pulling her weight’.” LMAO!!!!!

William, Kate and Charles will be AWOL for a while: Queen Camilla, 76, will be the only one of the four most senior royals on public duties for some time. But 5,000 miles away, Prince Harry was at home in Montecito with his wife, Meghan Markle, their two children, Prince Archie and Princess Lilibet, alongside their dogs and brood of rescue chickens. It was a “Sliding Doors” moment: If the Duke and Duchess of Sussex had remained in the UK, they would now be the public faces of the British royal family, taking up the sidelined trio’s engagements. Indeed, Harry would even be a Counsellor of State, a member of the royal family who can fill in for the monarch. One well-placed palace source told Page Six: “A situation like this would have given them a clear runway to dominate the coordinated family schedule.”

The Sussexes aren’t saying anything to or about that family: Instead, the couple has stayed silent and largely out of sight as the Duke of Sussex’s sister-in-law and father’s health issues became public. In fact, Page Six is told that Prince Harry and Markle, 42, have not spoken personally to Charles since his 75th birthday on November 14. Sources say that Harry would have been officially informed — as with all senior family members — of his father’s health situation. But it is possible he first learned from reading the news on his phone. By convention, family messages are normally passed between private offices, so the alert could have come from the King’s equerry, Major Johnny Thompson, to Harry’s staff via phone call, WhatsApp message or email.

Meghan should have stuck around the UK for years, just for this moment: The presence of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex in the UK for this royal health crisis, in a parallel history, would not just have made Meghan the princess of hearts. It may also have quelled some of the speculation and questions over Princess Kate’s condition and diagnosis, which remains unknown. If the Duchess of Sussex, who was once a hugely popular figure in the UK, could have stepped in at engagements for her sister-in-law, that information vacuum may have been easier to fill.

Meghan’s absence has increased the criticism of Kate!! Instead, [Meghan and Harry’s] absence has sharpened the judgment of her critics, including Hugo Vickers, royal historian and friend of the royal family. Vickers claimed to Page Six: “Meghan Markle had no intention of pulling her weight. She surely had a little plan from the start, which did not include being a hard working supportive member of the royal family. Harry got on well with his family before he married. Afterwards? I rest my case.”

Oh, the Sussexes will be in Canada in a few weeks! In the next few weeks, we are told, Harry and his wife will visit Canada to launch the 2025 Invictus Games for wounded and disabled service personnel and veterans, which will be held in Vancouver.

[From Page Six]

While I’m sure there are low-information royalists who genuinely believe that Harry and Meghan should feel duty-bound to, like, fly to the UK and check in on Charles and Kate, I hope these stories are being met with laughter across the board. After the way these people have treated Meghan and her children for YEARS, it is patently absurd to argue that Harry and Meghan have missed a real opportunity here. The Sussexes tried to make it work, they offered a half-in solution, they have expressed a desire to come back (still) and do charity work and all of their offers and attempts and solutions have been met with ridicule, abuse and disgust. I am excited to hear that the Sussexes will be back in Canada though – likely for the “one year until the Invictus Games” events.

Photos courtesy of Instar.

Robert Hardman’s new book about King Charles actually had some shady asides about Prince William, it’s just that no one really paid attention to those parts because they were too busy screaming about the name Lilibet. Hardman’s sources made it clear that William is a very dull man indeed – a non-reader, incapable of finishing anything other than a one-page memo, and not someone who is ideological, political, spiritual, curious or intellectual. Interestingly, people have started focusing on William’s lack of spirituality and his discomfort with religion in general. It’s a big deal because one of the big parts of being monarch is that William will serve as Supreme Governor of the Church of England. Sources told Hardman that William doesn’t share his father’s “sense of the spiritual, let alone the late Queen’s unshakeable devotion to the Anglican church.” William rarely goes to church and he is “not instinctively comfortable in a faith environment.” That’s led to some talk about whether William, as king, would separate the crown from the Anglican church. Well, this was included in Roya Nikkhah’s piece in the Sunday Times, which came straight from a Kensington Palace briefing:

The health drama comes as it can be revealed today that William will not cut ties with the Church of England when he is King, and will uphold the centuries-old tradition of the monarch being the church’s “supreme governor”.

William is not a regular churchgoer and does not have the strong faith of the late Queen Elizabeth II and King Charles, but he has no plans to change the sovereign’s unique role within the Anglican faith upon his accession, despite recent speculation he will look to sever ties with the church.

The reigning monarch holds the title Supreme Governor of the Church of England, a title taken by Henry VIII after his break with the Catholic church due to his divorce from Katherine of Aragon, a staunch Catholic, in order to marry Anne Boleyn.

Sources close to William have insisted “the conversation has never come up” and dismissed the suggestion that he is considering altering the monarch’s relationship with the church.

[From The Times]

Ah, so William is not religious and is not a particularly faithful Christian, but he’s committed to doing the bare minimum for the Church of England, for sure. All of this has caused a somewhat interesting back-and-forth in the British media. Like, an actual national conversation about whether the UK should even have a national religion or expect their royal family to be tied to the CoE, or whether William’s apathy towards religion should make him ineligible to be king. I don’t have a horse in this race but it’s fascinating to watch – Charles got so much pushback, back in the day, for suggesting that the sovereign should be more accessible to a multifaith society and vow to become the “defender of faith” rather than “defender of the faith.” And now William is like “I hate church, I’m barely a Christian, who even cares, this sh-t is boring, I don’t wanna read the Bible.”

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Instar.

Many of us were surprised by the timeline laid out for the Princess of Wales’s recovery from her mysterious abdominal surgery. Kensington Palace announcement, which made no mention of a hopeful “full recovery” for Kate, said that Kate would need 10-14 days in the hospital, and then she would recuperate at Adelaide Cottage through Easter. Easter is March 31st. It didn’t even occur to me, but Easter Sunday is generally the only time we see Kate and William for a month – Easter falls during their kids’ school break, and y’all know that William and Kate believe that they can never, ever work during their kids’ twenty weeks of school holidays. All of which means that Kensington Palace just quietly added several more weeks of “convalescence” to Kate’s schedule – now they’re saying that it will likely be weeks after Easter before Kate is seen, because of the kids’ school holiday. It could be May before we see Kate, basically. Some highlights from this Telegraph piece:

Kate is irreplaceable, but not because of her workload: She is, quite simply, irreplaceable. This is not down to her volume of work. Neither she nor the Prince of Wales go in for the relentless daily schedules of his older relatives. Rarely is a ribbon cut or a plaque unveiled on their watch. Instead, she has carved out a unique space in the royal landscape. After finding her passion for early years, she has tailored most of her working life around her mission to change life for the next generation. A glance at the court circular shows a stream of early years engagements and early years meetings, broken up with a visit to highlight mental health and communities here, or supporting the King in his duties there.

No one can step into Kate’s shoes: The Princess’s months-long absence will not see anyone stepping in to fill her shoes to help out. Other members of the family will not be turning up to long-planned engagements about early years. Well-intentioned as it would be, the Princess’s projects are designed around her own expertise and convening power. “The way she has designed and built the early years project means the work can and will continue in the background while she is out of the office,” a source said. When absent, the Princess “can actively follow it from home”.

Back with a bang, well after Easter: The plan, said a source, is for the Princess to be “back with a bang” as soon as is feasible. It is estimated that she will not return to work before Easter, which is on March 31, with the Wales children’s school holidays – usually blocked off in the family diary – extending for a few weeks after that.

She won’t miss Trooping in June: She will miss the Bafta ceremony on February 18, short planned tours to Latvia and Italy, and some day-to-day engagements. There is no sign yet that she will not be fighting fit for Trooping the Colour in June and its customary balcony appearance, after taking the salute at the Colonel’s Review for the first time as Regimental Colonel of the Irish Guards.

[From The Telegraph]

It hasn’t even been a week and they’re soft-launching “actually, Kate won’t be seen until late April, early May at the earliest.” I mean, what the hell is really going on? A question without an answer at this moment. As for “the Princess’s projects are designed around her own expertise and convening power” – it’s a very fancy way of saying that Kate’s schedule is mostly unimportant busywork and word salad speeches that don’t amount to much. Kate’s Early Years “events” are, for the most part, carefully constructed, zero-impact pieces of theater, staged for the tabloids. This is going to be interesting to watch, because after an absence of five months, it will be curious to see if anyone acknowledges that many of Kate’s appearances could have been a three-sentence email. I truly hope she’s okay, and that when she makes a full recovery, she starts focusing on substantive work.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red.

King Charles’s enlarged prostate and Princess Kate’s surgical mystery have resulted in the most obvious of detours for the British media: wild speculation and commentary about what the Duke and Duchess of Sussex should do or are doing. Harry and Meghan are minding their business in Montecito, as they have been for over three years. What makes it even funnier is that it’s clear that Buckingham Palace likely authorized some of those “where is Harry, why isn’t he coming back” pieces as a way to get a reaction. Well, now “royal sources” have confirmed that Harry and Meghan did send their “support” to the Waleses and the king.

Harry and Meghan have given their support to the King and Princess of Wales following their health scares. It came as Charles prepares for a prostate operation and Kate spent her fifth day in hospital after major abdominal surgery.

The move, which will be considered an olive branch, comes nearly two months after Charles, 75, and Kate, 42, were publicly named in an alleged race row over the skin colour of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s eldest child Archie, four.

A source said: “The King and the Princess of Wales have received support from Prince Harry and Meghan regarding their health. The Duke and Duchess contacted both parties in different ways to pass on their concern and best wishes.”

It comes after months of claims of a severely strained relationship between the Sussexes and the rest of the Royal Family. This week, it was revealed the King has quietly made provision to stop Harry acting as a ­substitute for him if he falls ill or is abroad.

[From The Daily Mirror]

LOL, the palace really rushed out and yelled “Harry called, we got a reaction from him, what does it mean?” Anyway, I believe Harry probably sent a supportive email to his father and maybe sent a sad-face emoji to William’s private secretary and I hope that was the end of that. As for Charles “quietly” making that change – it wasn’t quiet, every outlet covered it:

Prince Harry and Prince Andrew won’t be among the Counsellors of State that King Charles could call upon when he heads to the hospital to treat an enlarged prostate.

Buckingham Palace announced on Wednesday that the King, 75, will have a “corrective procedure” for the benign condition next week, prompting royal watchers to wonder if other family members will be tapped for additional duties in his absence. While a royal source tells PEOPLE that the King 75, will be capable of fulfilling his constitutional requirements and duties during this time, The Times spotted that Prince Harry and Prince Andrew’s Counsellor of State eligibility was quietly nullified soon after King Charles’ accession.

In the second reading of the Counsellors of State Bill 2022-23 in the House of Lords on Nov. 21, 2022, Lord True said that the Royal Household confirmed that, in practice, only “working members of the Royal Family will be called on to act as Counsellors of State.” The bill became law in December 2022 and made headlines because it made Princess Anne and Prince Edward Counsellors of State for King Charles for life. The “working members” stipulation largely flew under the radar — until now.

In another catch, The Times reported that Prince Andrew’s eldest daughter Princess Beatrice is also prevented from acting as a Counsellor of State because she is not a working royal. While Princess Beatrice, 35, is a frequent fixture at royal family holidays and is a patron of several causes, she does not undertake official engagements on a full-time basis on behalf of the crown like Prince William and Kate Middleton do.

[From People]

Whatever. This is just another dumb pseudo-punishment intended for an audience of one: Harry. It doesn’t even matter because Charles is going to be fine and he’ll probably only need a few weeks of recovery.

Photos courtesy of Cover Images.