Well, ask and ye shall receive. Yesterday, I mentioned that I was bummed that the SAG-AFTRA strike had deprived us of more Barbie promotion goodness, and suddenly, new behind-the-scenes footage was released. The footage shows different clips from the filming of “I’m Just Ken,” including rehearsals, the Ken chorus recording the song, Slash playing guitar, and Greta Gerwig cracking up. The montage of footage is set to Ryan Gosling singing “I’m Just Ken.” It’s definitely worth the watch.

Even “Barbie” director Greta Gerwig can’t get “Kenough” of Ryan Gosling.

The actor, who stars as Ken in the movie, had Gerwig in the throes of laughter on set while filming the “I’m Just Ken” musical sequence, as seen in new behind-the-scenes footage that was released on Monday.

The video showcases the pair cracking up while watching a playback of Gosling singing about living a life of “blond fragility,” and later bending over in laughter after the cast of Kens dance around the set during the infamous “Beach off.”

In another clip, Gerwig hilariously throws her hands to her mouth after watching Gosling furiously rip off his coat, and even Simu Liu, who also plays Ken, is seen losing it alongside Gosling during the 1950’s dance sequence.

And as if Gosling’s commitment to nailing this role wasn’t clear enough, the triple-threat’s talent is reinforced when he’s seen fully nailing his dance moves in bonus footage of him performing parts of the musical number during various rehearsals.

Guns N’ Roses guitarist Slash is also seen recording his guitar part for the song, and producers Mark Ronson and Andrew Wyatt are showcased working their magic in the studio as the cast of Kens sing with passion while recording their backup vocals.

The “I’m Just Ken” sequence in the film illustrates Ken’s frustration with the dynamic between himself and Margot Robbie’s Barbie. The pair are best friends, but Ken’s feelings for Barbie go beyond that.

“I’m just Ken. Where I see love she sees a friend,” he sings. “What will it take for her to see the man behind the tan, and fight for me?”

It’s clear though that Gosling is so much more than just Ken, and he’s Kenough.

[From CNN]

Oh, I feel the Kenergy. The music video is truly delightful. I’ve already watched it twice and am about to make Mr. Rosie watch it with me a third time. From the outside, it really looks like filming Barbie was an absolute blast. It’s also pretty great to see the cast getting along so well. Loved seeing the musicians, like Slash and Wolfgang Van Halen, interspersed in there as well. While I 100% support both strikes, I do think this is a super clever way of promoting Barbie and keeping the buzz up, especially since it’s going to be available for streaming on demand starting on September 5. I do hope that we get another video – it doesn’t have to be a musical montage – of behind-the-scenes goodness from the Barbies’ side of things. Ooooh, can you imagine how much outtakes gold there must be with Kate McKinnon and the snapping the other Barbies out of the trance stuff? I need a blooper reel, stat!

When the Princess of Wales has been MIA for a while, the media tends to repeat old, superficial stories with some new spin, like “Kate is amazing because she copied someone” or “Kate’s flag-cosplay shows she’s ready to be queen!” This is one of those stories. For years now, we’ve known that Kate doesn’t play well with other women. That’s especially true when she’s the guest at someone else’s wedding. Suddenly, Kate is desperate to pull focus and make an ass out of herself, like when she wore the palest of “primrose yellow” dresses to the Sussex wedding. There was the bright fuchsia dress she wore to Princess Eugenie’s wedding. There was the matronly dusty-rose dress she wore to her sister’s wedding, which was technically fine except that Kate was practically standing on her head in her attempt to pull focus from the bride. You get the idea – Kate is a passive-aggressive witch. Please allow a royal expert to try to convince you that, actually, Kate is always a perfectly dressed wedding guest.

When she’s attending weddings, the Princess of Wales reportedly has a simple and savvy trick to avoid stealing the spotlight. Explaining Kate’s approach to wedding guest style, HELLO! Online’s royal correspondent Danielle Stacey said, “It’s a fashion trick that [Kate Middleton] often deploys when it comes to her wedding guest outfits. We’ve seen Kate re-wear pieces from her wardrobe to some of her closest friends and family’s nuptials, including a floral Jenny Packham dress for Emily McCorquodale and James Hutt’s wedding in May 2012 (previously worn on the royal tour 2011) and a blue tweed Missoni coat for Lucy Meade and Charlie Budgett’s wedding in 2014. As well as repeating an outfit, Kate has also opted for a dress or a coat in a different colour, but a similar style to a piece she already owns. It’s something for us all to take note of – you don’t just have to wear your occasion-wear once!”

For her brother-in-law Prince Harry’s wedding in 2018, Kate recycled a pale yellow Alexander McQueen tailored coat that she had already worn on three previous occasions; for Princess Charlotte’s christening in July 2015, the Trooping the Colour celebration in 2016, and during a visit to Belgium in 2017.

However, the dress caused a lot of controversy as its pale colour meant many believed it to be white and wearing white to someone else’s wedding is a big no-no. Thankfully, The Palace released a statement sharing that Kate’s look was “primrose yellow” in colour despite the television cameras making it read more white.

[From Woman & Home]

The thing is, it’s been five years and we still haven’t solved the stupid mystery of Kate’s McQueen coatdress at Meghan and Harry’s wedding. If she repeated the previously-worn McQueen coat from Charlotte’s christening, good job, you’re admitting that Kate wore white to another woman’s wedding, because that christening coat was absolutely white. I actually do believe that Kate had an almost exact replica of the christening look made in the palest, almost-white “primrose yellow” shade. And she decided to wear it anyway, because she’s rude as hell. You know who else pulled almost the exact same thing? Camilla. She wore an “off-white” dress to Charles and Diana’s wedding. The excuse was similar to Kate’s excuse – the grey color was just so pale, it read as white on-camera. Kate and Camilla really are birds of a feather.

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Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.

King Charles has been in residence at Balmoral officially since Monday. Hello Magazine reports that Prince William and Kate are due to visit “in the coming days.” Hello’s piece actually reminded me of something I forgot, which is that William and Kate arrived in Scotland separately last year, well before QEII passed away. William and George arrived at Balmoral first, then Kate brought Louis and Charlotte up separately. This would have been right before Kate was sent to live in Adelaide Cottage, her little separation house. Separate lives.

Instead of focusing on the sorry state of the Wales marriage, of course all of the royal experts are completely focused on that random claim that King Charles and Prince Harry were planning to meet for “peace talks” in September. The original claim was solely about Harry and his father. Then William freaked out and started running around and furiously briefing reporters that Charles wouldn’t dare, that William still hates Harry and William would never sit down for any peace talks. Well, Duncan Larcombe was one of those royal commentators who got a call from Kensington Palace:

Multiple royal experts told Fox News Digital they don’t believe a “peace summit” is happening between the monarch and “the spare.”

“The person I spoke to about this, they poured quite a lot of scorn on it, and we’re not at that stage yet from either side,” said royal expert Duncan Larcombe. Larcombe said it would take “nothing short of a miracle” for Harry, 38, and Charles, 74, to come together and repair their relationship.

“Feelings between Prince William and Prince Harry are still running so strong that I think King Charles would think long and hard about going behind William’s back and trying to make peace with Harry,” he explained. “I just don’t think that time has come yet. I’m not saying it never will. But I think we’re a long way off.”

Larcombe claimed that whenever the royals finally agree to a sit-down, the Duchess of Sussex wouldn’t be part of the conversation. The former American actress became the Duchess of Sussex when she married Harry in 2018.

“If … they do have a summit, that will only happen on the basis that it’s in the strictest confidence and the details of that conversation would never go anywhere else,” Larcombe explained. “I just don’t think that they would trust Meghan. … You can’t have a full and frank conversation with Harry and run the risk of it being broadcast in America soon after. That’s a trust thing. The royals do not trust Meghan. And I think they’ve already got quite a good reason not to trust her at this point.”

[From Fox News]

“I just don’t think that they would trust Meghan” – Meghan, the woman who basically said that the Windsors and the British media were in cahoots to ger her to unalive herself? The same woman who didn’t even reveal half of the sh-t that those people did and said to her? The woman who was held hostage repeatedly by a racist, misogynistic institution? The thing is, they’ve always been terrified of her and it’s just because they don’t have anything on her, nothing to hold over her head, nothing to threaten her with. Anyway, these people f–king suck and it speaks volumes that the sum total of this little briefing spree is that “we still hate Meghan and we refuse to include her in anything, and William is permanently incandescent with rage.”

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.

I genuinely have no idea what’s really happening between Scooter Braun and his clients, including Ariana Grande and Justin Bieber. Demi Lovato absolutely left Braun, both sides have confirmed that. But Ariana and Justin’s standing with Braun and his management company SB Projects is still up in the air. Variety had a piece (which I covered separately) in which their industry sources were all over the place. My best guess is that both Ariana and Justin are leaving SB Projects, but Scooter is reminding them both that they still have contracts with him and it’s not as easy as just announcing something to Billboard or People Mag. Speaking of, Bieber’s team announced something to People Mag:

For the first time in 16 years, Justin Bieber is working on music without Scooter Braun by his side, a source tells PEOPLE exclusively. While the source says Bieber, 29, is “still managed” by Braun, 42, multiple insiders tell PEOPLE the pair haven’t spoken in nearly a year. (Puck News was first to report the estrangement.)

“Justin’s been working on his new record for the last six months. Scooter and SB Projects have not set up one session or done one thing for this [new] record,” says the source. “The relationship with Scooter has run its course.”

A rep for Braun has not commented on the situation, and a label rep for Bieber did not immediately respond to a request for comment from PEOPLE.

On Tuesday a source confirmed that Ariana Grande had parted ways with Braun after 10 years of working together. “They are friendly but she’s outgrown him and is excited to go in a different direction,” said a source close to the situation. “Yes there are negotiations happening because of contracts. But this is her choice. It’s time for something new.”

Still, a music industry source with knowledge of the situation maintained that “all of Scooter Braun’s clients are under contract and negotiations have been going on for several months as Scooter steps into his larger role as HYBE America CEO,” adding, “People are spreading rumors based on what they know, but they are off. Scooter’s team at SB Projects are still handling both Justin and Ariana as they work through what this new structure looks like.”

[From People]

“All of Scooter Braun’s clients are under contract and negotiations have been going on for several months…” So… Scooter must have stepped away from the daily management last year, and Ariana and Justin are not happy with the people currently handling their careers at SB Projects. That’s my take. I also believe that Justin and Ariana are both ready to spread their wings and get new teams now that they’re 29/30 years old, but they aren’t completely clear on how to actually untangle themselves from their management, especially with Scooter breathing down their necks and reminding them: “we’ve got contracts, dummies.”

Photos courtesy of Backgrid, Cover Images.

Tom Quinn is “accidentally” spilling all kinds of royal tea. Usually, royal biographers are stenographers to palace courtiers, fancying themselves part of the royal image-making process. Perhaps Quinn’s book, Gilded Youth: An Intimate History of Growing Up in the Royal Family, is the standard, unreadable hog-wash, but his promotion for the book is full of all kinds of shady sh-t about Prince William and Kate. In recent months, Quinn has revealed that William is “prone to tantrums” and Kate “treats William like the fourth child.” Quinn recently spoke about how William and Kate “throw cushions at each other” because they’re constantly and violently furious with each other, but don’t worry, their violence is “always kept under control.” Speaking of violence and assault, Quinn has heard from his palace sources that Will and Kate are still enraged about Prince Harry revealing his 2019 assault.

The Prince and Princess of Wales have certainly not forgiven Prince Harry’s explosive revelations in the Duke of Sussex’s best-selling memoir Spare, a royal expert claims. Tom Quinn told Daily Express US that Prince William and Princess Kate harbor “a lot more anger” behind closed doors Harry than what the pair show in public.

“I interviewed people that worked for Harry and Meghan when they were in England. I also interviewed people that worked for Kate and William,” Mr Quinn told the publication. “They say that privately there’s a lot more anger than there is publicly. William and Kate are especially furious about the accusation that William physically assaulted Harry.”

The author of Gilded Youth: An Intimate History of Growing Up in the Royal Family added that while “brothers fight all the time”, William remains bitter that Harry aired their grievances publicly.

“William is really angry about the whole idea that these difficulties should be aired in public,” Mr Quinn told the outlet.

[From Sky News]

It’s been more than eight months since Harry revealed, in Spare, that William assaulted him in Nottingham Cottage in 2019. In that time, William and his people have never even denied that the assault took place, they’ve never briefed the media about “William’s side,” they’ve never said “well, William only assaulted Harry because Meghan is Black!” All we’ve ever heard is that William is furious, disgusted, incandescent with rage because… Harry revealed the assault, which absolutely happened. Really think about that. Think about how f–king bonkers it is that William is violently angry that his victim SPOKE ABOUT BEING ASSAULTED.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Backgrid, Instar, WENN and Cover Images.

Here are some photos of King Charles at the formal “welcome” ceremony at Balmoral Castle on Monday. This ceremony was done much later than QEII used to do, partly because QEII liked to be “in residence” officially in Balmoral by late July, whereas Charles has been staying at Birkhall so as to allow for more tourism at Balmoral. Charles just has so many properties, palaces, castles, halls, cottages and mansions at his disposal now, there’s no way he can ever spend enough time in each one. Oh well.

On Monday, the Metropolitan Police also announced that King Charles had been cleared of all potential charges in the years-long “cash-for-honours” scandal. The investigation was slow-walked and it was largely an exercise in bureaucratic ass-covering. There was never any chance that Charles would ever have to face consequences for passing out knighthoods and British citizenship papers to anyone who gave him a suitcase full of cash. I was surprised that the Daily Beast’s Royalist column even bothered to cover it, and to be critical of King Charles. Here’s the important part of the Royalist column:

After [Michael Fawcett’s] letter was published, a complaint was made to the police by former MP and cabinet minister Norman Baker. Investigations proceeded slowly and the king was never interviewed despite saying he was willing to co-operate. On Monday, the police quietly announced that they would not be proceeding with the investigation. They did not say why.

Baker condemned the decision not to proceed as evidence of corruption and double standards. He told The Daily Beast: “It’s an open and shut case. People were condemned out of their own mouths. The letter said, give us some money, and we’ll help you with your application for citizenship and a further honor. I mean, that that was there in black and white. I think the U.K., sadly, is more corrupt than it used to be. And I think it’s also a place where vested interests are not challenged as much as they should be. The fact that people get away with it has probably encouraged others. There is a message here; that if you’re an important person, and you have got friends in the right places, then you can get away with things.” He said a normal person would have gotten a “very different result.”

Graham Smith, CEO of Republic, an organization that campaigns for the abolition of the monarchy, told The Daily Beast: “If you look at the letter from Michael Fawcett, the evidence couldn’t be clearer. He was very clearly and explicitly saying, ‘We will help you get an honour in response to the donation.’ Fawcett couldn’t possibly promise an honour without the knowledge and support of Charles. So the notion that the police would drop the investigation without having even spoken to Charles is absurd. I think Charles will have learned a helpful lesson from this, which is that he can do what he likes without any fear of consequences.”

“This is not the first time the Met have ignored accusations against the royals. When Charles was accused of having received €3 million in cash from a Qatari politician, for example, the police should have investigated that, because there are laws about bringing money into the country, and there are laws around money laundering. But they just ignored it. And, of course, Virginia Roberts reported Andrew to the Met many years ago, and they ignored that as well,” he said. “I think it reflects very badly on the royals. Charles is someone who clearly has no concerns about living by the standards that the rest of us have to live by.”

[From The Daily Beast]

While I understand why we still need to make a show of gathering critical statements about police corruption and royal double-standards, I do have to wonder if this is performative at every level? Absolutely nothing happened to Prince Andrew, you know? Andrew’s crimes were about rape, human trafficking and Jeffrey Epstein. Charles’s crimes are also sleazy, but in a completely different way. Anyway, I’m not surprised that nothing happened. That was the whole point of Clarence House strategically leaking those stories before Charles became king.

Meanwhile, the Telegraph’s sources insist that Charles will never, ever work with Michael Fawcett again. We’ll see.

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Photos courtesy of Avalon Red.

Jennifer Aniston covers the latest issue of WSJ. Magazine, supposedly to promote the latest season of The Morning Show on AppleTV+. Pretty sure she’s promoting struck work, although it’s possible that this interview was conducted pre-strike. Considering she also doesn’t directly address her recent bullsh-t with Jamie Foxx, it doesn’t sound like this interview was conducted recently. But Aniston does have that permanently “dated” quality, like she was frozen in amber in 1995. Aniston is 54 years old now and, at times, she sounds massively out of touch, especially when she’s talking about “cancel culture.” Some highlights from the interview:

Her parents’ split: “It was always a little bit difficult for me in relationships, I think, because I really was kind of alone. My parents, watching my family’s relationship, didn’t make me kind of go, ‘Oh, I can’t wait to do that.’ I didn’t like the idea of sacrificing who you were or what you needed, so I didn’t really know how to do that. So it was almost easier to just be kind of solo. So I didn’t have any real training in that give-and-take.”

She’s focused on herself, not pleasing someone else: “It’s just about not being afraid to say what you need and what you want. And it’s still a challenge for me in a relationship. I’m really good at every other job I have, and that’s sort of the one area that’s a little….”

On aging: She’ll “try almost anything once.” Her aesthetician recently gave her a salmon-sperm facial. “First of all, I said, ‘Are you serious? How do you get salmon’s sperm?’” She added that she’s unsure if it helped her skin at all. She also uses weekly peptide injections for anti-aging purposes. “I do think that’s the future,” she said of the peptide.

On cancel culture: “I’m so over cancel culture. I probably just got canceled by saying that. I just don’t understand what it means…. Is there no redemption? I don’t know. I don’t put everybody in the Harvey Weinstein basket.”

An encounter with Weinstein: “He’s not a guy, you’re like, ‘God, I can’t wait to hang out with Harvey.’ Never. You were actually like, ‘Oh, God, OK, suck it up.’ I remember actually, he came to visit me on a movie to pitch me a movie. And I do remember consciously having a person stay in my trailer.”

Who she’s sleeping with nowadays: “My dog. That’s who I’m sleeping with.”

[From WSJ. Magazine]

“I’m so over cancel culture. I probably just got canceled by saying that. I just don’t understand what it means.” Like, figure it out? Talk to someone outside your goddess circle. Talk to someone outside your exclusively white bunker. Why the f–k is she parroting Fox News talking points?

I honestly relate to her about “it was almost easier to just be kind of solo.” I see people who had parents role-model some truly dysfunctional marital dynamics and those people manage to shake it off like it’s nothing. I guess that kind of stuff catches up to you later in life though.

I don’t know if she’s overdoing the “peptides” but her face seems weirdly jacked, although she can move it. Something is affecting the way she speaks. Her lisp was never this pronounced and it’s like she’s wearing ill-fitting dentures while also numb with Novocaine.

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Cover & IG courtesy of WSJ. Magazine.

Maybe you have to be too online to “get” why this story is so funny, but I’ll try to explain it. This ginger man is Oliver Anthony. A few weeks ago, he and his song “Rich Men North of Richmond” were trending all over social media. The whole thing was bought and paid for by right-wing groups who were astroturfing their new conservative folk hero, someone who would sing the kinds of songs they want, songs about welfare queens and how white men can’t catch a break in this country. Here’s the song:

As I said, this song was artificially amplified and boosted by conservative media, and there was a rush to declare Anthony their new guy, despite widespread mockery of his message:

Country music 1955:
Shot my boss
After cracking his jaw
Loaded up a shell
Then I waited for the law

Country music 2023:
Another boy has fudge
Tell Congress to act

— Sam Knight (@samknight1) August 14, 2023

Boss gets a dollar
While I get a dime
Please cut his taxes
And deregulate mines pic.twitter.com/pEb3LnN1g8

— Nude Gingrich (@JarJarFan69) August 14, 2023

Well, it worked – “Rich Men North of Richmond” debuted at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 chart this week and every QAnon-adjacent is breathless and delirious about it. The fact that Anthony also has a racist conspiracist history is a feature, not a bug, and apparently he was pretty active in the 9/11 conspiracy community. He is the white supremacist folk hero of their dreams, correct? Well, funny story:

Promoted algorithm boosted “based” red beard hillbilly song guy was faking his accent and says diversity is our strength. pic.twitter.com/z1t39xBXHI

— Devon Stack (@Black_Pilled) August 22, 2023

Please, this is so funny. The guy playacting a racist hillbilly for profit is like “America’s best asset is our racial diversity” and what happens now? I don’t think it actually matters to his “fans.” Some of them will be mad that he’s not as racist as them, but the conservative campaign marches on.

I love how they’ve spent the last couple weeks insisting there’s nothing racist about the neo-confederate welfare queen song but the moment the singer expresses support for a racially integrated society he gets cancelled for being woke.

— Cecil (@Capricoda) August 22, 2023

Photos courtesy of YouTube.

The thing about this Scooter Braun situation is that I can’t stand it when Taylor Swift is right about someone. Taylor has made it clear that Braun is Snake Enemy #1, replacing Katy Perry (presumably). Jake Gyllenhaal and John Mayer are snake-enemies as well, but Scooter is definitely ranked above them. In 2018, Braun purchased Big Machine Record Group, which held the masters for Taylor Swift’s first six studio albums. Taylor threw a massive fit about Braun’s purchase and she weaponized her fans against Braun and Scott Borchetta, to the point where Scooter’s then-wife called out Taylor for her behavior and her fans’ behavior (the Snake Fam were calling in death threats and calling Scooter’s home).

Braun quickly managed to unload Big Machine’s catalog for a profit, then he sold his Ithaca Holdings for $1.05 billion. He is currently phasing into the position of American CEO of HYBE, all while still operating his management company SC Projects. SB Projects is/was the management home of Justin Bieber, Ariana Grande, Demi Lovato, J Balvin and more. Except that the rumor mill is churning that Braun is losing all of his pop star clients and no one knows what’s going on. Variety tried to get to the bottom of it and even they don’t know who to believe. Some highlights:

Demi Lovato is definitely out, but Bieber & Grande might not be: Bieber’s allegedly impending departure was strenuously denied by multiple sources (although Puck, which first reported the news, insists the story is accurate, as does at least one source Variety spoke with). And Grande’s exit — which, if true, would be the second time she’s parted ways with him — was strenuously denied by sources close to Braun while a rep for the singer did not respond to Variety’s requests for comment (although unnamed sources apparently confirmed the split to Billboard).

Braun is stepping back from the daily management of SB Projects: Yet some sources tell Variety that Bieber and Grande are not leaving the company, but rather Braun is continuing to step back from day-to-day management to focus on his role as CEO of HYBE America, the South Korean entertainment giant behind K-pop titans BTS, to which he sold Ithaca Holdings, the parent company for his SB Projects management business, for a whopping $1.05 billion in 2021. “All of Scooter Braun’s clients are under contract and negotiations have been going on for several months as Scooter steps into his larger role as HYBE America CEO,” the source says. “People are spreading rumors based on what they know, but they are off. Scooter’s team at SB Projects are still handling both Justin and Ariana as they work through what this new structure looks like.” However, other sources insist that Bieber, who recently “cleaned house” and brought in a new attorney, agency and business manager, is set on leaving SB Projects.

This quote possibly came from Taylor Swift: “He’s imploding,” one source says, suggesting unsavory revelations are in the works. “It’s a different world since the pandemic. You just can’t be an asshole like that anymore.” However, another source counters, “He’s getting out of management — he has been for years. That’s the real story.”

Braun hasn’t even been involved in the daily careers of his clients in recent years: Indeed, several sources tell Variety that Braun has been only tangentially involved in the careers of even his biggest artists in recent years, with SB Projects’ longtime executives handling the demanding day-to-day work of managing major artists. Indeed, the CEO of a company valued at $11 billion presumably would not have time for such attention, even though both Bieber and Grande have been relatively inactive in recent years. Meanwhile, his first major move as CEO of HYBE America was the acquisition of Atlanta hip-hop powerhouse Quality Control, home to Migos, Lil Baby, Lil Yachty and others, for $320 million.

[From Variety]

Variety is also trying to make it sound suspicious that Justin Bieber and Ariana Grande have been relatively quiet professionally in recent years, to which I say… the pandemic and health issues? Bieber had to cancel his tour because of Ramsay Hunt Syndrome, and Ariana was one of the few people taking the pandemic seriously. I mean, I don’t know. I doubt Braun was like “you guys need to go underground for a while, don’t make any new music for a few years!” That doesn’t make any sense. Anyway, if Taylor Swift was right about Braun, so be it and I’ll admit it. But to me, this sounds like a wannabe mogul who is overextended professionally and trying to transition into a less hands-on executive lifestyle. I also kind of doubt that Bieber and Braun had some kind of falling out, and if Bieber is leaving, it’s more about Bieber wanting to change his professional life overall.

Photos courtesy of Cover Images.

The thing about the royal summer holidays is that it’s very easy for the Windsors to be slow out of the gate to respond or react when there’s a legitimate issue. It’s happened time and time again in the sleepy summer months, where a problem is magnified by the Windsors’ summer-reticence to actually DO something. So it is with Prince William’s World Cup fiasco, where he was too lazy, stupid and sexist to travel to Australia to support the Lionesses in the Women’s World Cup final. William has been Football Association President for well over a decade, and his job entails more than “watching football from home.” Anyway, it’s been a full week of watching William get dragged and I’m not ready for the party to be over. Please enjoy this excerpt from the Guardian’s “No one really cares about William missing the World Cup final. This was about Harry – again” by columnist Zoe Williams. The subheadline: “Ignore Piers Morgan. Most people aren’t angry about the royal no-show – they just want to take our future king down a peg or two.” A PEG OR TWO.

The question I was not expecting was “Where was Prince William at the World Cup final?”, still less to hear it endlessly examined, by news anchors, bigmouths, football pundits and politicians. Who was the angriest, between Jon Sopel, who tweeted: “Happy to accept might be impossible for the PM, given other commitments. But Prince William? Why?” and Piers Morgan, who went in on: “With respect, YRH [Your Royal Highness], you should have got on a plane.”

…This is what happens when you get into a popularity contest with your brother. Having made the decision to neither complain nor explain, as per his family’s motto, there has been little William could do in the face of Harry’s Californian openness, except exist as a counterpoint, the not-open brother, who hasn’t been to therapy, who probably doesn’t meditate, who doesn’t have problematic feelings, still less tell anyone about them, and hope that public opinion would swing his way. And it has, broadly: he is now the most popular member of the royal family after the departed Queen, though if all the respondents knew they were allowed to stick with the deceased, surely Henry VIII would have got more of a look-in?

Kate of Wales (or whatever), meanwhile, is fourth most popular, after Princess Anne, while Meghan and Harry languish at 11th and 12th respectively. William’s victory as preferred sibling has been pretty resounding, but he has been in this game long enough to know that triumph in it is just the opening of a new nightmare, one in which the populace can rescind their approval at any time, on a whim, and they test this power with fresh objections all the time, just to prove they still have it. There are so many reasons that William might be selected as the face of the oppressive patriarchy, but football isn’t really one of them.

Now that he is on the back foot, he will be ominously aware that the next thing he doesn’t attend has the potential to drag him down further, and the third will turn into a pattern of behaviour, The Prince Who Doesn’t Turn Up to Things. What an easy slide that is to The Prince Who Doesn’t Share the Nation’s Joy or Pain. He will be showing his face to judge cheesecake competitions, while wondering neurotically whether Harry has got the jump on him by going to Crufts.

It is an absolutely poisoned chalice, royalty, and the answer has been obvious for decades: all of you, put yourselves out of your misery and abdicate. Since none of them will do that, the second best idea is to be more Anne. Very private princess – I have no idea what she does and doesn’t attend, only that it’s always headscarf weather.

[From The Guardian]

I thought it was funny, although her premise is sort of incomplete. While I do not doubt that William’s fanatical obsession with Harry is a huge part of this, the larger problem is… William is lazy. That’s a stand-alone issue, although one could argue that the only way to get William to do anything at all is by telling him that Harry already did it. Harry spoke at the United Nations – William wants to do it too! Harry is embraced by Americans – William wants the same! Harry is a global statesman with a portfolio of charities, foundations and the Invictus Games. William wants to be just like that, only without putting in any effort or time. So he’s just running around, telling people he’s a global statesman, all while he refuses to leave his mistress’s love shack (or whatever). But I also agree that people are using the World Cup fiasco as a chance to take William down “a peg or two.” They all know. It’s another open secret.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, screencap courtesy of the Diana Awards.