A week ago, Jonathan Majors and his girlfriend were traveling by taxi back to his apartment after a night out. His girlfriend tried to look at or grab his phone, and that’s when Majors (allegedly) physically assaulted her. Reportedly, he slapped her and had his hands around her throat at one point. They separated after the taxi ride – she went to a friend’s place and then to the hospital where she was treated for bruises and lacerations. She ended up reporting the alleged assault to the police, and Majors was arrested and taken into custody last weekend. He was charged with misdemeanor assault, aggravated harassment, attempted assault and harassment, then he was released without bail. He loudly proclaimed his innocence following his arrest, and his lawyer spoke about how they have “two written statements from the woman recanting these allegations,” and Majors dismissed her claims, saying that she was merely having “an emotional crisis.”

Well, on Thursday, Jonathan Majors’ lawyers released the texts which – they claimed – were the victim “recanting” her accusations. These are texts sent after this poor woman left the hospital after Majors brutalized her, after the cops saw her visible injuries. Oh, and Majors’ lawyer released the texts exclusively to TMZ, the men’s rights advocacy group.

Jonathan Majors’ lawyer shares with TMZ alleged texts sent to the actor from the woman https://t.co/bgu2USrrMJ pic.twitter.com/48qVCDM8Wp

— philip lewis (@Phil_Lewis_) March 30, 2023

As many have noted, it’s wild that HIS lawyer released such damning texts and that the lawyer thinks these constitute a recantation or retraction. By this poor woman’s own descriptions, we know she had visible injuries, we know that she’s terrified of him, we know that (like many victims of domestic violence) she blames herself for “grabbing his phone.” Terrifyingly, we also now know that the 911 call happened because he hurt her so badly that she “collapsed” and “passed out,” probably from Majors strangling her.

jonathan majors lawyer really woke up and was like “let’s put out evidence that the girl did pass out and collapse and maybe people won’t ask how that happened if she says she grabbed his phone”

— ashley ray (honeycomb) (@theashleyray) March 30, 2023

This a fawning response in an attempt to do damage control and establish safety with an abuser the survivor has a continuing relationship with. Survivors of abuse do this literally all of the time. It’s a survival mechanism. https://t.co/Ai3eoc5hZr

— Lee Shevek (@butchanarchy) March 30, 2023

Photos courtesy of Avalon red.

It is too funny that, on the same evening Donald Trump got indicted, Gwyneth Paltrow was “acquitted” in her ski trial. Trump indicted, Goop innocent! Gwyneth was the defendant in a civil trial over a 2016 ski accident on the bunny slopes of Park City, Utah. Terry Sanderson tried to claim that Gwyneth crashed into him and left him with broken bones and head trauma. Gwyneth said no, Sanderson crashed into me and people did check on him. The jury believed Gwyneth and they awarded her the $1 she was asking for. Vindication!

The jury reached a verdict in the civil trial between Gwyneth Paltrow and Terry Sanderson over a ski collision that happened seven years ago. After less than three hours of deliberations on Thursday, the jury in Park City, Utah, found that Paltrow, 50, was not at fault and that retired optometrist Sanderson, 76, was at fault 100 percent and that it caused the actress harm. The jury awarded her $1.

Over the course of the two-week proceedings, the jury was tasked with determining what Paltrow and Sanderson did before and after the Feb. 26, 2016, incident, who was the downhill skier, and who crashed into whom.

Paltrow says in a statement obtained by PEOPLE, “I felt that acquiescing to a false claim compromised my integrity. I am pleased with the outcome and I appreciate all of the hard work of Judge Holmberg and the jury, and thank them for their thoughtfulness in handling this case.”

Her attorney Stephen Owens adds, “We are pleased with this unanimous outcome and appreciate the judge and jury’s thoughtful handling of the case. Gwyneth has a history of advocating for what she believes in — this situation was no different and she will continue to stand up for what is right.”

Sanderson’s attorney C. Peter Sorensen said in a statement, “We are disappointed in the outcome, but we love and support the legal process. We thank Judge Holmberg, the jury and staff for all their efforts. We will spend the next while evaluating and discussing where we go from here.”

While exiting the courtroom after the verdict was revealed, Paltrow leaned in and briefly whispered to Sanderson before continuing to leave. Sanderson confirmed to Extra that she said, “I wish you well,” and he responded, “Thank you, dear.” He told the outlet that was “very kind of her.”

[From People]

Yeah, Gwyneth leaning over and saying “I wish you well” to the guy who spent years trying to sue her for millions of dollars is… cold as ice. As someone joked, that’s Brentwood-speak for “go f–k yourself.” Anyway, it’s remarkable to see as Gwyneth has come out of this smelling like a rose! In the Gossip with Celebitchy podcast coming out this weekend, I even admitted that I believed her version of events but that doesn’t change the fact that Gwyneth is an objectively terrible person. It’s just in this one particular case, she was not at fault.

Gwyneth Paltrow is INNOCENT! And, even more importantly, is now $1 richer. JUSTICE IS SERVED! https://t.co/3L3RzhBjSz pic.twitter.com/Tt34Inlr2t

— Decider (@decider) March 30, 2023

Photos courtesy of Backgrid.

The good news just kept rolling in last night – Trump indicted, Gwyneth acquitted, and Samantha Markle’s dumbf–k lawsuit was thrown out of court. Previously, I tried to unpack Samantha’s defamation lawsuit against her sister Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex. Basically, it came down to Samantha trying to prove that Meghan “defamed” her when Meghan spoke to Oprah about her childhood, which Meghan described as feeling like “an only child.” Plus, Samantha claimed that Finding Freedom defamed her, only Meghan did not write or publish Finding Freedom. The case was crawling its way through Florida’s civil courts, and it even looked like the Duke and Duchess of Sussex might have to sit for depositions for this nuisance suit. But no, the judge dismissed this mess on Thursday.

Samantha Markle has lost her defamation case against her half-sister, the Duchess of Sussex, after a judge in Florida granted a motion to dismiss. Samantha lodged her case in March 2022, when she sued Meghan Markle for “defamation and injurious falsehoods” along with “malicious lies” in a number of alleged instances, including during the duchess’s well-publicized sit-down interview with Oprah Winfrey alongside husband Harry.

On Thursday, U.S. District Judge Charlene Edwards Honeywell granted Meghan’s motion to dismiss after Samantha claimed the pair’s relationship “unravelled” as the duchess’s star rose and she eventually met Prince Harry.

Three of the issues Samantha noted in the lawsuit stemmed from Oprah’s 2021 interview, where Meghan claimed that she was “an only child,” that she had only met her half-sister “a handful of times,” and that Samantha had changed her surname to Markle after Meghan started dating Prince Harry so that she “could cash in on her newfound fame.”

“A reasonable listener would not think that Defendant was suggesting that she has no half-siblings, that Plaintiff does not actually exist, or that Plaintiff is not related to her,” the ruling reads regarding Meghan’s claim to Oprah that she was an “only child.”

“As a reasonable listener would understand it, Defendant merely expresses an opinion about her childhood and her relationship with her half-siblings. Thus, the Court finds that Defendant’s statement is not objectively verifiable or subject to empirical proof…. Because the statement is not ‘capable of being proved false, it is protected from a defamation action.’”

Samantha claimed in her lawsuit that Meghan told Oprah that the pair had only met “a handful of times”—but the court wrote that it could not verify that allegation: “This statement is nowhere to be found in the interview transcript.” The court ultimately denied the claim without prejudice and with leave to amend.

Similarly, Samantha’s claim she changed her surname for fame was dismissed “because it is explicitly contradicted by the transcript,” noting the allegations Samantha noted were not true to what Meghan actually said during the interview: “She changed her last name back to Markle, and I think she’s in her early fifties at that time, only when I started dating Harry. And so I think that says enough.”

The claims were dismissed without prejudice, though Samantha could file an amended complaint within 14 days of the order.

In another instance, Samantha alleges her half-sister “contributed false information” to the authors of the book, Finding Freedom: Harry and Meghan and the Making of a Modern Royal Family—specifically mentioning Chapter 12, titled: “A Problem Like Samantha.” However, the court agreed with Meghan: “Defendant argues that the claims based on Finding Freedom must fail because she did not publish the book,” the ruling reads. “The Court agrees.”

The court denied Samantha’s request for attorneys’ fees and costs under the anti-SLAPP statute without prejudice, as premature.

[From The Daily Beast]

From what I can see, there hasn’t been a ruling on whether Samantha will have to pay for Meghan’s legal fees, but the court did say that Meghan won’t have to pay Samantha’s fees or anything else. Man, it’s been awfully quiet in White Markle-ville for a while? No updates from Mexico, and Samantha just got her delusional ass handed to her. What a shame. No, really – it’s a shame that Meghan’s relations are so f–king tacky and despicable. I can’t even imagine doing this to a family member. Anyway, I hope Samantha is broke as f–k and she crawls under a rock.

Photos courtesy of Instar, WENN.

LMAO. So, earlier this week, Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg let everyone believe that it could be late April or early May before the grand jury indicted Donald Trump. Then by the end of business on Thursday, Bragg was like “hey, here’s a 34-count indictment on Trump.” Glorious! The indictment is still sealed, so we don’t know exactly what he’s being charged with, nor do we know the extent of the evidence against Trump. Considering this grand jury has been empaneled since January, I think we can safely say that Bragg has a lot of evidence of fraud, criminality and shenanigans, all related to Trump’s hush-money payments to Stormy Daniels, an American hero and icon. We also know that these charges could involve significant jail time. LMAO.

The New York Times has been doing rolling updates on the situation all of yesterday evening and into this morning. New York law enforcement is bracing for a sh-tshow of violent morons demonstrating on behalf of their orange god. About 20 people (SAD) showed up outside Mar-a-Lago in Palm Beach to cheer for Trump. Trump is currently living in Mar-a-Lago, his Florida compound, and there seems to be a lot of energy towards getting him to peacefully surrender in New York next week, likely Tuesday. I imagine there will be a lot of coordination with his Secret Service too. Meanwhile, Florida’s governor, Ron DeSantis, has already huffed and puffed about how New York law enforcement better not try to extradite Trump from Florida.

What else? Trump has been going bonkers on Truth Social and there are very real fears that he is once again trying to incite his army of heavily armed sh-theads to do something awful. Still, I can’t wait for the perp walk. LMAO.

BREAKING: Governor Ron DeSantis says Florida ‘will not assist in an extradition request’ for Trump pic.twitter.com/bJiNDzTwKv

— Insider Paper (@TheInsiderPaper) March 30, 2023

He will be fingerprinted. He will be photographed. He may even be handcuffed.

Now that a Manhattan grand jury has voted to indict Donald Trump, here’s what will happen when he is arrested. https://t.co/1rzwYG7y30

— The New York Times (@nytimes) March 30, 2023

The front page of The New York Times for March 31, 2023. https://t.co/Y3WOVhr1wj pic.twitter.com/aLjLVdPMP7

— The New York Times (@nytimes) March 31, 2023

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images, Backgrid.

A few weeks ago, Avril Lavigne and Tyga were spotted kissing and made a coupley appearance at Paris Fashion Week. This was right after she dumped Mod Sun and it felt like an extremely random pairing. She usually goes for Canadians and they’re both throwbacks, but in very different ways. Anyway, apparently Avril and Tyga are still going strong-ish. They’re not exclusive, but they’re spending a lot of time with together and are very into each other. Okay then!

Avril Lavigne and Tyga are enjoying each other’s company.

“They’re very into each other,” a source tells PEOPLE about the “Girlfriend” singer, 38, and “Rack City” rapper, 33, who have been romantically linked since they were spotted having dinner at Nobu in Los Angeles last month. They were later seen sharing a kiss during Paris Fashion Week.

They don’t plan on rushing into a relationship, however, says the insider.

“They’re still not exclusive and just getting to know each other. They’re taking things very slowly to be on the safe side and really get to know each other before diving into something serious,” the source adds.

“But they are spending a lot of time together,” they add, noting that Tyga will be focused on his career soon. “He’s about to get locked in working on new music.”

Despite taking things slow, Tyga has gone all out and bought an $80,000 necklace for Lavigne.

The custom-made jewelry from Mavani & Co Jewelry features 50 carats of white and black diamonds, as well as pink sapphires, founder Eric Mavani confirmed on March 19.

In an image of the necklace shared on Instagram, the piece can be seen with several pendants on it, including two of the letter “A” written over a pink heart, as well as two skulls and crossbones accessorized with pink ribbons. Lavigne’s first name also takes center stage at the front of the necklace.

[From People]

I wonder whose camp the source came from. Probably Tyga’s since they mention his new music. Hm, is a couples’ collab on the horizon? Maybe that’s why she’s not getting serious. But really, what the source says is completely reasonable. Avril and Tyga have only been (publicly) hanging out for a month or so, so of course they’re still getting to know each other. I don’t even think that’s taking it slow — it’s normal dating! But the talk of exclusivity sounds very early 20s for a couple that is in their mid-late 30s. And I guess taking it slow means something different for celebs, since Tyga had a custom $80,000 necklace made for Avril. Despite the cost, it looks… um, just her style.

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A post shared by ERIC MAVANI (@ericdajeweler)

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A post shared by T-Raww (@tyga)

Photos credit: Backgrid

I have a beef with Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom. They keep talking about their relationship but then they don’t post new photos on their social or pose together anywhere so I have to keep reusing these same old tired photos from other posts. Work with us people! I still don’t know why they are talking so much about their relationship, or at least Orlando is. Katy’s latest admission at least had some context. While at a cocktail event for American Idol, Katy was noticeably not cocktailing. When asked why, she said she and Orlando were five weeks into a three-month pact of not drinking.

Katy Perry is a woman of her word!

The American Idol judge stopped by a curated cocktail event at New York City’s Mister Paradise on Monday alongside fellow judges Lionel Richie, Luke Bryan and host Ryan Seacrest, but revealed that she would not be partaking for a very special reason.

“I’ve been sober for five weeks today… I’ve been doing a pact with my partner [fiancé Orlando Bloom] and I want to quit,” she said while jokingly pretending to cry.

After Bryan playfully asked if she was caving, she responded, “No, girl! I can’t cave. I made a promise. Three months.”

[From People]

Originally, when I read the quote “… and I want to quit,” I thought Katy meant she wanted to quit drinking. But I see now that probably meant she wanted to quit the pact in that moment. She wanted this story out there so we get to discuss it. (That’s the disclaimer for everyone about to tell me I am making too much of this.) I realize someone was probably going to ask why Katy wasn’t drinking at a cocktail event, so she needed a reason. That in and of itself is unfortunate because we should be able to say ‘I don’t want a drink’ and have it not be an issue. But she owns a non-alcoholic beverage company, which the bar had on hand. She could have just said ‘representing, folks!’ and ordered a mocktail. It’s a great message for those in the public eye to be seen drinking mocktails and other non-alcoholic options while enjoying themselves. But Katy made a point of saying she’s not drinking because of this pact and that the pact had a time limit. Which simply invites questions. Like why only three months? Is it a cleanse thing or a we’re drinking too much thing? There’s of course always the pregnancy speculation with a woman not drinking, and the three month time limit plays into that. Orlando cut down on his drinking after it was implied that it led to relationship issues with Miranda Kerr. It’s possible he’s backslid or maybe he wants his fiancée to join him in cutting down.

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A post shared by Orlando Bloom (@orlandobloom)

Photo credit: Xavier Collin/Image Press Agency/Avalon and Instagram

Lana del Rey is reportedly engaged to Evan Winiker (edited for spelling, my bad). [JustJared]
Matthew Rhys’s mustache is so bad, you guys. [GFY]
Chris Pine looks like an elegant grey wolf. [Tom & Lorenzo]
Women’s college basketball games are more popular than NBA games. [Jezebel]
Will kids want to see Pixar’s Elemental? [LaineyGossip]
The end is nigh for Curb Your Enthusiasm. [Dlisted]
Will you watch Rachel Weisz in Amazon Prime’s Dead Ringers? [Pajiba]
Jinger Vuolo is attracted to men other than her husband. [Starcasm]
Juno Temple & Brett Goldstein talk about their Ted Lasso storyline. [Buzzfeed]
Trump v. DeSantis is going to be a race to the pits of hell. [Towleroad]
Rita Ora wore a crochet top. [Egotastic]

Here are some photos from King Charles and Queen Camilla’s first day in Germany, although I feel like I should point out that their day got a pretty leisurely start. They didn’t even arrive in Berlin until mid-afternoon! I looked it up – London to Berlin is less than a two-hour flight. C&C probably didn’t even leave England until noon. Their day started with an official greeting at the airport, then a ceremonial welcome at Brandenburg Gate, where Charles and President Steinmeier did a walkabout for the people gathered there. I went looking for wide shots of the crowd at Brandenburg Gate to see how many Germans really wanted to see C&C. From what I could tell, there were literally… dozens. Maybe it topped out at about 100? Also, during the walkabout, a man offered Charles a Burger King crown. Charles declined. Now that he’s king, he cannot sit on any foreign throne, nor wear any foreign crown, not even Burger King.

Then in the evening, Camilla got all dolled up in her most glittering horse tarp and they did the big state dinner at Bellevue Palace. I’ve said before that I actually think Camilla has okay style for her age, and I stick by that. She wore a Bruce Oldfield gown in black and silver. She paired the gown with the Queen Mum’s Greville Tiara, aka the Boucheron Honeycomb diamond tiara and QEII’s City of London Fringe necklace. Camilla got a shiny new medal in Berlin – the Federal Order of Merit, which was presented to her earlier on Wednesday, and which she wore at the dinner.

Anyway… Pres. Steinmeier’s wife, Frau Büdenbender, does not look particularly pleased in any of these photos. Big same, babe. I liked her vivid purple gown though, she looked great.

Oh, here’s the king’s speech at the state dinner.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Backgrid.

On Wednesday, “King Charles III” started trending on the hellsite, Twitter. At first I thought that Charles had screwed up in the first day of his first state visit to Germany. But no, this is the rare moment where Americans dragged the British monarch into their legal mess. For months now, Florida’s Gov. DeSantis has been engaged in a war with Disney. For decades, Disney has gotten sweetheart deals from the local and state government in Florida, and they basically (and in all senses legally) operate Disney World as their own separate fiefdom. Disney World doesn’t have to follow most of the laws of the state of Florida, basically. Disney has stood up to DeSantis when it comes to Florida’s bigoted “Don’t Say Gay” law, and Disney stands up for their LGBTQ employees. DeSantis tried to appoint a new board to oversee Disney’s operations, only Disney legally blocked DeSantis weeks ago:

The battle between Disney and Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis may not be over yet. The new board handpicked by the Republican governor to oversee Disney’s special taxing district said Wednesday it is considering legal action over a multi-decade agreement reached between the entertainment giant and the outgoing board in the days before the state’s hostile takeover last month.

Under the agreement – quietly approved on February 8 as Florida lawmakers met in special session to hand DeSantis control of the Reedy Creek Improvement District – Disney would maintain control over much of its vast footprint in Central Florida for 30 years and, in some cases, the board can’t take significant action without first getting approval from the company.

“This essentially makes Disney the government,” board member Ron Peri said during Wednesday’s meeting, according to video posted by an Orlando television station. “This board loses, for practical purposes, the majority of its ability to do anything beyond maintaining the roads and maintaining basic infrastructure.”

In a statement to CNN, Disney stood by its actions.

“All agreements signed between Disney and the District were appropriate, and were discussed and approved in open, noticed public forums in compliance with Florida’s Government in the Sunshine law,” the company said. Documents for the February 8 meeting show it was noticed in the Orlando Sentinel as required by law.

Multiple board members did not immediately respond to request for comment. The Sentinel first reported on Wednesday’s vote to hire legal counsel.

According to a statement Wednesday night from the district’s acting counsel and its newly obtained legal counsel, the agreement gave Disney development rights throughout the district and “not just on Disney’s property,” requires the district to borrow and spend on projects that benefit the company, and gives Disney veto authority over any public project in the district.

[From CNN]

So, what does any of this have to do with King Charles III? Well, Disney’s lawyers worked with the previous Reedy Creek Improvement District to include specific language that the deal they worked out – giving Disney vast control over their fiefdom – about how this deal “shall continue in effect until twenty one years after the death of the last survivor of the descendants of King Charles III.” Meaning, unless all of King Charles’s descendants get killed off, DeSantis is screwed and so are the next ten Florida governors.

The clause about King Charles III is absolutely real. The agreement — from the 2/8/23 Reedy Creek board meeting — can be found on https://t.co/6ZQMDUaVME. It appears to have been posted days after @GovRonDeSantis signed the law he says was “ending the Corporate Kingdom”. 5/ pic.twitter.com/CT9hYyIr28

— Mike DeForest (@DeForestNews6) March 29, 2023

Photos courtesy of Cover Images.

Jennifer Aniston is currently promoting Murder Mystery 2, a sequel to the popular Netflix film starring Aniston and Adam Sandler. These films must be a breeze to make, honestly – like all of Sandler’s films, or at least the ones he produces. This is the first promotional tour Aniston has done in a while (or at least that’s the way it feels), so of course she’s getting questions about Generation TikTok’s obsession with Friends. The youths love Friends, even if they have long-winded conversations about how some of the jokes in Friends are super-offensive and the show is too white and all of that.

As someone who watched Friends when it originally aired… it was seen as a popular “mid” comedy starring all white actors getting into shenanigans. It was fine for the time. I think it’s still popular with the youths not because of the comedy, but because it’s a glimpse of life and friendship before smartphones and social media. People actually hanging out and talking and living without being on their phones constantly. In any case, Aniston is upset because the youths keep yelling at her about how some of the jokes are offensive.

Jennifer Aniston recently told AFP (via Yahoo News) that “comedy has evolved” so much that it’s a bit tricky these days to be funny.

“Now it’s a little tricky because you have to be very careful, which makes it really hard for comedians, because the beauty of comedy is that we make fun of ourselves, make fun of life,” Aniston said. “[In the past] you could joke about a bigot and have a laugh — that was hysterical. And it was about educating people on how ridiculous people were. And now we’re not allowed to do that.”

“There’s a whole generation of people, kids, who are now going back to episodes of ‘Friends’ and find them offensive,” Aniston added. “There were things that were never intentional and others… well, we should have thought it through — but I don’t think there was a sensitivity like there is now.”

Aniston concluded: “Everybody needs funny! The world needs humor! We can’t take ourselves too seriously. Especially in the United States. Everyone is far too divided.”

[From Variety]

Eh. I think it’s fine to shrug off the criticism of Friends in the year of our lord Beyonce 2023 because wtf are they supposed to do now? Go back and censor all of the jokes which offend people? That would be how I would react if I was in Aniston’s stilettos – shrug it off and say “that was the time, it was 25 years ago, that’s what was funny then.” Sometimes the jokes don’t hold up, sometimes they do, and that’s life. I dislike that she’s telling the youths that they’re being too sensitive or that they should, what? Fake-laugh at some of the stupider or offensive jokes in the series? The kids have a right to to be offended, just as Aniston has the right to tell them to settle down. God, is Aniston going to start complaining about cancel culture now?

Photos courtesy of Cover Images, Backgrid.