US Magazine has a new cover story featuring the first photo of Teresa Giudice taken inside prison, as we previewed earlier this week. I had the chance to see the full size photo and read the article and I’ll just say that you can really see the difference after Teresa switched her makeup to whatever is available from the commissary. Plus, she has no eyelashes. Regardless of Teresa’s ability to get as glam as she’s used to, she’s able to get in frequent workouts in prison, as many as three a day. Teresa takes so many fitness classes that her husband compares it to “a low budget spa.” She only gets 300 minutes on the phone a month, but she has unlimited e-mail access. Plus she has befriended a disgraced politician and has a job working in the kitchen. If I learned anything from Orange is The New Black, it’s that kitchen jobs are hard to come by. Here’s more from US’s print edition:

Teresa will be released four months early
Teresa’s lawyer… reveals to Us that his client, originally sentenced to 15 months, will be released nearly four months early, on December 23.

Joe on Teresa’s experience
“You really don’t got to worry about anything. It’s not a horrible place. She never says nothing bad…

“Nobody really bothers her. They give her space.”

Joe says Teresa exercises after every meal
“She exercises after every meal. It’s like a low-budget spa. They do spin classes, ab classes. She’s getting pretty ripped up!”

Teresa works in the kitchen
She earns less than 50 cents an hour prepping food and organizing trays and utensils.

Teresa is writing a memoir
Source: “She wants the world to know the real Teresa Giudice. Not the Real Housewives Teresa or the Teresa in the tabloids. She wants to tell her story.”

Teresa’s friends in prison
At night, Teresa and her crew – including a former politician Joe calls a “nice lady” – watch Scandal. (Previous viewing: The Denzel Washington flick The Equalizer and Empire.)

RHONJ wants Teresa back and Joe is pitching a reality show
Joe is in talks with Bravo to star in a reality series about life as a single dad. “We met. Now it’s something for our attorneys to figure out.”

Family is helping Joe with their four daughters
[Teresa’s] parents, Giacinto, 71, and Antonia Gorga, 64, and Joe’s mom, Filomena, 60, pitch in by babysitting, and Joe’s brother Pete, 42, and sister Maria Fazliu, 37, help shuttle the kids to playdates, cheer practices and soccer tournaments.

[From US Magazine, print edition, April 13, 2015]

It’s a good thing that Joe has his family around to help with the girls, because his driver’s license was just suspended for two years yesterday for obtaining a fake license with his brother’s identification back in 2010 when his license was already suspended for DUI. He will also have to pay a $10,000 fine, the maximum amount. The judge cited the fact that Joe received $75k for interviews and the US photo as justification for fining an otherwise “destitute” man, according to Joe’s lawyer. In court Joe kept bothering the judge, and asked if he could drive to the end of the driveway to bring his daughters to the bus. The judge said no. (Reality TV has more details.) The judge blasted Joe in court, and said he’d “seen hundreds and hundreds of driver abstracts… This one takes the cake.”

Plus Joe is pitching a reality show. Of course he is. He has to get some money coming in before he goes to prison next year for his own sentence and eventually ends up deported back to Italy. I hope Joe’s prison isn’t a “low budget spa” like Teresa’s. Maybe the judge will consider that he just got a concurrent 18 month’s sentence for this other case and make him do harder time.

Here are photos of Joe in court yesterday. He looks so hungover.

photo credit: WENN.com and US Magazine

Here are some photos of Khloe Kardashian appearing at the ULTA Beauty’s West Hills store launch something or other yesterday. Khloe was promoting the Kardashian Beauty line for hair and makeup or something. Is any of that important when the Pinocchio Butt is in front of us? Full disclosure: I actually really like Khloe’s pants. I think those pants have a really amazing cut. I just wish they hadn’t been tailored around Khloe’s crazy Pinocchio Butt. I’ll also give her some begrudging credit: her crazy workouts have been working, just not on her ass implants. The rest of her body looks great though.

Regarding the butt implants… OK! Magazine offered up a different theory. They wonder if Khloe actually got a “Brazilian butt lift” which is plastic surgery that a lot of ladies get to “reshape” and “tighten” their butts for bikini season. I don’t think that’s what we’re dealing with here though (although CB thinks Brazilian butt injections might be on the table). I believe this is just a straight-up ass implant situation.

While at this event yesterday, Khloe was asked about Jamie Foxx’s transphobic “jokes” at the iHeartRadio Awards on Sunday. Jamie’s jokes were pretty gross and unfunny, and the crowd didn’t even laugh. Khloe told Yahoo:

“I just think it’s a low blow. I think it’s very mean, but you know, I wish him all the best. It is what it is. I just think — and I know Jamie, so I think that’s also why that’s a really low blow, but hey. Guess that’s what he felt the need to do for a little press.”

[From Yahoo]

Ouch. When a Kardashian accuses a celebrity of using their name for press… that’s pretty bad.

Last thing: Khloe posted an Instagram selfie of her inflated lips yesterday and all of her IG followers were like, “Girl, stop lying about her lip injections.”

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet and Khloe’s Instagram.

Pope Francis has a chunk butt, much like Chris Evans (sorry Bedhead). I don’t know how we got to this place, where we’re doing body criticism on the Pope, but here we are. The Pope isn’t bikini-ready for spring break in Daytona. He never fits into the sample sizes. Us Weekly is about to do a scathing exposé on his gluttonous diva demands. People Magazine wants his recipe for slutty brownies. In all seriousness, since Pope Francis moved to the Vatican, it seems he’s been enjoying the Italian cuisine a bit too much. His doctors are worried about how much weight he’s put on in the past few years, so they’ve put him on a diet. Poor Franny!

Pope Francis is getting fat, you guys. Apparently his weight gain has become increasingly apparent, so Vatican doctors have warned the religious leader to lay off the pasta, according to The Telegraph. The 78-year-old Argentinian seems to have taken a liking to spaghetti and ravioli, specifically. The Vatican revealed that the Pope needs to adopt a more “disciplined” regimen, including exercising more to combat the stress of his job.

The pontiff has been told he can eat his favorite meal only twice a week, which should hopefully satiate his cravings. Although, as pasta lovers ourselves, we don’t blame the guy for wanting a plate or two (or three or four or five) of the Italian deliciousness, but with a job like his, we can’t imagine the stress he’s under.

Pope Francis already only has one functional lung, so doctors are trying to keep him in the best shape possible given the circumstances. The religious leader takes no holidays or any other forms of time off. Doctors are also being extra precautious because the pontiff recently had some sort of premonition where he felt he wouldn’t last that much longer in the papacy.

“I have the feeling that my pontificate will be brief: four or five years, even two or three. Two have already passed,” he said, per MSN. “It is a somewhat strange sensation. Maybe it’s like the psychology of the gambler who convinces himself he will lose so he won’t be disappointed and if he wins, is happy.”

[From E! News]

Poor dude. I mean, he’s 78 years old! It’s a little bit late in the game to try to develop healthier eating patterns. And it sort of sounds like Francis is a stress-eater. It happens. He’s responsible for the souls of more than a billion Catholics. That would be enough to get any of us to stress-eat endless bowls of pasta too, you know? I say let him have his pasta, but yes, make him get a bit more exercise. And maybe get him some Lipitor.

Francis also recently complained about missing his pre-papacy lifestyle, when he could just take a walk outside and go pick up a pizza. Some lovely pizza-makers heard about it and they hand-delivered a pizza to Francis while he was riding in his Pope-mobile – go here to see the video. I like Francis so much – he actually seems like a decent guy, like a small-town priest who loves to eat ice cream and play soccer with the kids.

Here’s the new waxwork Pope Francis at the Grevin Wax Museum in France. WAX DEMON POPE!

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

This ^^ is as good as we’re going to get today. Calvin Harris and Taylor Swift took their romance to the Troubador in LA last night, and they were holding hands and very much “together”. The Daily Mail has better photos here – the pics are pretty exclusive, so that’s what I meant about the photos in this post being “as good as we’re going to get today.” Don’t expect to see Calvin and Swifty walking on the red carpet together, but if I know Swifty, she’ll manage to give us a better hand-holding photo-op with Calvin soon enough and we’ll all have photos.

Swifty and Calvin are relatively new, as far as we know. They were photographed together in Nashville last week and she brought him out to a Kenny Chesney concert, where there was hand-holding, embracing, cuddlefesting and kissing. So this week, most of the tabloids have stories about exactly what’s going on with Swifty and Harris. Sources claim that because Swifty is about to begin a major worldwide tour, she’s just looking for a month-long romance. A source says: “Taylor wants to spend as much time as possible with Calvin before she leaves for her tour. So this month is all about Calvin.” She’s said to be “smitten” with him, but girl’s gotta work, and if that’s her mindset, more power to her. Get yours and go to work. ‘Atta girl.

Star Magazine has a recap of Harris and Swifty’s date-night at the Chesney concert, including this eyewitness account: “Calvin had his arms around her and she’d lay her head back on his chest. And when she danced, he’d eye her up and down – it was obvious he liked what he saw!” So… he was eye-f—king her at a concert. Still, Star’s sources say Swifty’s friends are worried about Calvin’s reputation as a “huge player… he jumps from girl to girl, women throw themselves at Calvin and he loves it.” The end game is simple, according to these sources: if this is just a torrid hookup situation, more power to her. But if she’s looking for real love, it’s not going to happen.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

Stanley Tucci isn’t a huge gossip guy, but I like to write about him every so often. He’s an onscreen chameleon and a mostly private guy. Stanley, 54, is married to Felicity Blunt (sister of Emily), 33. They secretly wed in 2012 and welcomed a baby boy in January. They named him Matteo Oliver Tucci, which is a little formal. Maybe they simply call him Oliver. At the time, Stanley joked, “I believe he is mine. We are all thrilled to welcome him to this cold, cruel world.”

Stanley’s recent interview with the Sunday Times is a bit dated by now, but excerpts are starting to surface from the subscription piece. The interesting part is where he talks about moving on after his first wife’s death. Kathyrn Tucci died from breast cancer in 2009. She and Stanley were married for 14 years, and Stanley thought he’d never find happiness again. Then he met Felicity. They fell in love, hard and fast, and dated for about a year before Stanley proposed. Then he almost immediately “felt guilty.” Some excerpts:

: “It was very hard to go on vacations at first, really hard to go with Felicity someplace. I felt guilty. It’s horrible. You always feel guilty. There are photographs (of Kathryn) around at home … Not that many, but I would have difficulty. And especially when we first met it was only two years after Kate died. So…”

On Felicity’s British vibe: “Well, English women are a bit more relaxed than Americans. You do swear and drink more, but I like that. I find that very attractive.”

On moving to England “People here are just shocked. They are like, ‘Why did you move here? The weather?’ But I am so comfortable here. I didn’t want to continue living in Westchester [New York]. Once my wife passed away, I was there by myself and what was I doing? To me, this was the healthier option.”

[From The Sunday Times

Male celebrities seldom reveal such personal details about their family life, but Stanley’s widower experience is a valuable one to reveal. I don’t doubt that the adjustment period was difficult for his new wife. She probably felt like she was living in Kathryn’s shadow at first. I’ve read in many places that widowers often remarry much sooner than widows do. Men get used to being married and miss the experience. Stanley and Felicity seem to have found happiness together, and I wish them well.

Photos courtesy of WENN

The sweetest flower of all #ioniconran ???????????????????? pic.twitter.com/Z5cRe5tESk

— Coco Rocha (@cocorocha) April 2, 2015

In the past week, many celebrities have given birth. These celebrities are… not always the most newsworthy in the world, and since we’ve had other stories, we’ve sort of ignored the rash of bad baby names. But I thought… hey, it’s Friday, let’s do a round-up of the week’s baby names.

Rocket Zot. Sam Worthington and his wife (?) Lara Bingle welcomed their first son this week and they named the poor kid ROCKET ZOT. Rocket Worthington. Rocket Zot Bingle-Worthington. Poor kid. It’s worth noting that, to me, it seems like Aussie celebrities are usually not obsessed with “fancy” baby names – they’re more likely to give a kid a “fun” name.

Conrad Scott. Veep star Reid Scott and his wife welcomed a baby boy and they named him Conrad. It reminds me of Conrad “Connie” Hilton, but otherwise… it’s a pretty normal baby name.

Dashiel Edan. Milla Jovovich welcomed her second child, another daughter, with her husband WS Anderson. Milla’s first daughter is named Ever Gabo, which… ugh. I think if they had spelled the name Dashiell Eden it still would have been a silly name for a little girl, but at least it would have been spelled correctly. I don’t know what’s going on with Dashiel-with-one-L and Edan-with-an-A. You’re trying too hard to be different, Milla!

Ioni James. Coco Rocha gave birth last weekend. Coco and her husband James Conran welcomed a daughter they name Ioni James. What’s with the rash of little girls named James lately? Coming on the heels of Blake Lively naming her daughter James, it does seem… copycat-ish. But since it’s the middle name, I doubt people will care. But the spelling of Ioni? Ugh.

Reign Ashton Disick. We already knew what Kourtney Kardashian named her third baby, but she just posted an Instagram of little Reign. He’s a cutie. Too cute for that stupid name.

My little turtle dove angel baby boy Reign Aston Disick.

A photo posted by Kourtney Kardashian (@kourtneykardash) on Apr 2, 2015 at 10:00am PDT

We are so proud to announce the birth of our second daughter Ms. Dashiel Edan Jovovich-Anderson today!!! She is 7lbs. 10 oz. and 20 inches long! We love you Dash!??????????????????????????????????????#ladiary

A photo posted by Milla Jovovich (@millajovovich) on Apr 1, 2015 at 9:02pm PDT

Photos courtesy of WENN, Instagram, Twitter.

Here are some photos of Kim Kardashian out and about in LA yesterday. Seeing Kim in yet another awkward, uncomfortable, midriff-revealing outfit just makes me sad. I’m sad that at the age of 34, she still doesn’t understand how to maximize her assets. She still doesn’t know how to dress for her body. Or maybe she does and she just loves the attention she gets when her “size four” muffin-tops its way out of a high-waisted, too-small skirt. If this look had been one piece, just a sleek black slipdress, it would have been pretty good. But because Kim thinks that her midriff is one of her best features (????), she keeps doing this. It’s terrible.

Meanwhile, Kim’s fertility drama is still center stage in this current season of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I believe that Kim wanted this to be her storyline, and that’s one of the reasons why she’s acting like such a bitch to her brother Rob – his depression is “stealing her thunder” because she already had a storyline all worked out. Anyway, in a new clip, Kim’s crazy lip injections form some words on the phone to Kanye. FYI: I don’t even believe that Kanye was on the other end of the line. I think this part was scripted and filmed like a regular TV show. Kim tells “Kanye” (or a dead phone line) that she just went to the doctor and the doctor told her that if she got pregnant again, it would be her last and she would need a hysterectomy immediately after she gave birth.

Considering the dominance of Kim’s fertility struggles during this season of KUWTK, I am starting to wonder if you guys are right and she actually is building up a partially (or mostly) fictional case for why she won’t get pregnant again.

Last thing: Prime Minister David Cameron told a UK outlet that he and Kim are 13th cousins. Their ancestor in common: Sir William Spencer. Oh, Mr. Cameron. Why admit this publicly?

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and Instagram.

Some people believe that we’re going to see a Cumberbatch-esque Oscar campaign for Tom Hiddleston this year. I hope… well, I hope Tommy does launch an Oscar campaign. But I hope it isn’t as over-the-top and in-your-face as Cumby’s was for The Imitation Game. I hope Tom was watching his friend’s campaign and thinking, “When my turn comes, I’ll do it differently.” Perhaps I’m giving Tommy too much credit. After all, we know he goes all out – even reciting Shakespeare sonnets to ducks and performing like a dancing monkey on command – just to promote his films.

Why bring this up? Because Tommy’s turn as Hank Williams in I Saw the Light was just picked up by Sony Pictures Classics. SPC picked up “worldwide rights” to the film this week, but they haven’t given us a release date yet. Many believe that ISTW will be one of Sony Pictures Classics’ big Oscar-contenders this year, so they’ll want to bring this movie out to all of the fall film festivals. Tommy at Telluride? Tommy at TIFF? Tommy at Venice? Tommy at the London Film Festival? Hell, why not?

I Saw the Light is a pretty prestigious film already, despite what Hank Williams III has to say. They got the rights to Hank’s back catalog and we already know that Tommy worked his fingers to the bone to learn how to sing and play like Hank. And he lost weight for the role too, which is always good for a “transformation” story for an Oscar campaign. Sony Pictures Classic just waged super-successful Oscar campaigns for Julianne Moore in Still Alice and JK Simmons in Whiplash too. Will they put the money into Tommy? See, now I’m getting excited. I hope this fall is HIDDLES OVERLOAD.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Ronan Farrow’s paternity bingo continues! Yesterday, we discussed how Frank Sinatra’s daughter Nancy said that there’s no way Ronan Farrow could be Frank’s son. Nancy believes that Frank had already gotten a vasectomy by the time Mia Farrow conceived Ronan. All we really have to go on is Mia’s word and Nancy’s word. Mia told Vanity Fair a few years ago that she was sleeping with Frank at the same time as Woody Allen, and Nancy says Frank is not the father (and Billie Jean is not my lover). Well, Nancy is still talking. She gave an interview to CBS Sunday Morning where she talks in greater detail about Ronan’s paternity bingo.

“Mia’s son? Oh, nonsense,” Nancy Jr. told CBS Sunday Morning. “He would just laugh it off. We didn’t laugh it off because it was affecting my kids, you know. They were being questioned about it and we all knew it was nonsense.”

“I was kind of cranky with Mia for even saying, ‘Possibly,’ she added. “I was cranky with her for saying that because she knew better, you know, she really did. But she was making a joke! And it was taken very serious and was just silly, stupid.”

Nancy Jr. is the daughter of Frank’s first wife, Nancy Barbado. The couple had another daughter, Tina Sintatra, now 66, and son, Frank Sinatra Jr., now 71, who were the crooner’s only known children. Nancy Jr. had told Vanity Fair that that Ronan “is a big part of us, and we are blessed to have him in our lives.” She also said that “from the early days until now, we have been like sisters. My mother is also very fond of her. We are family and will always be.”

Nancy Jr. made similar comments about the actress in her interview with CBS Sunday Morning. “We loved Mia,” she told the outlet. “Mia was one of our…like a sister and we had a good time, Tina and Mia and I did.”

[From E! News]

I know everyone hates on Woody Allen (for good reason), but I’m really starting to wonder if Mia Farrow is as saintly as she would have us believe. I feel like Nancy is telling the truth, that Mia “knew better” than to say Frank was “possibly” Ronan’s biological father. So the question becomes, “Why did Mia say it?” It’s possible to believe that Woody is a piece of crap AND Mia has some issues with the truth.

Here’s the video of Nancy talking about Frank telling his kids that he was marrying Mia Farrow. It sounds like Frank’s kids were close to Mia years ago, but it also sounds like Nancy is kind of pissed that Mia put Ronan’s paternity into question so publicly.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Trigger warning for abuse survivors
Yesterday we talked about photos that were published, on Radar Online, of Charlie Sheen’s ex fiance, Scottine/Brett Rossi, with extensive bruising around her neck and upper bust. Radar mentioned that The National Enquirer would have the photos in this week’s edition. I had the chance to read the story and it’s much worse than I imagined. It details abuse that Scottie suffered while living with Charlie. He would abuse her horribly and threaten to kill her, only to apologize, blame it on alcohol and drugs, and shower her with affection, vacations and presents. It sounds like a standard cycle of abuse and it must have been hell to live through. The hardest part of the article to read was when they revealed that Charlie kicked Scottie in the stomach when she was pregnant and later forced her to have an abortion. According to the Enquirer, Scottie plans to sue Charlie for millions for emotional distress. While this is in the Enquirer, I have little doubt that their source is Scottie. The Enquirer has the photos, after all. Plus, as we mentioned yesterday, there are countless examples of Charlie abusing women for decades.

Charlie “strangled and choked” Scottine many times
Charlie… allegedly “strangled and choked” Scottine on multiple occasions, and made chilling threats to kill her.

“Do you want to live to see tomorrow?” serial batterer Charlie is said to have raged at Scottine, according to one witness who stepped forward to The National Enquirer.

“Charlie was both verbally and physically abusive to the point where Scottine would hide in the security room at his home, cowering in a ball, crying about his abusiveness… she’d also hide in guest rooms…”

Scottine wants to sue
Scottine, 25, is now threatening to slap [Charlie] with a multi-million dollar lawsuit, according to informed sources – unless he secures her silence with an out-of-court settlement…

Scottine has “finally found the courage to hire a lawyer and plans to sue Charlie for the emotional distress she’s suffered…

Charlie abused Scottine while she was pregnant
[There are ] appalling allegations that Charlie kicked his lover when she was pregnant, and later forced her to undergo an abortion.

Sources told The Enquirer that [Scottie] was pregnant between January and March 2014.

“Charlie never wanted the baby,” revealed a source close to Scottine. “At one point, he threatened Scottine while she was pregnant, saying, ‘It’s me or the baby. If you choose the baby, I will kick you to the curb and leave you homeless with nothing.’”

Tragically, the pair learned during the pregnancy that their unborn child had developed an irregular heartbeat.

According to a source, at that point, Charlie callously told Scottine: “I don’t want you to give birth.”

Said the insider: “He forced her to have an abortion.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, April 13, 2015]

In response to this story, reps for Charlie denied this report, on the record. Then a “source” told The National Enquirer that it was Scottine that was abusive and that she “attempted to assault the star on at least two occasions.” (Those are the National Enquirer’s paraphrased words, not the source’s.) Later, the source states that Scottie is “jealous” and that “these allegations have only surfaced since Charlie started dating other women after their breakup.” This is so typical of abusers to blame the victim and try to claim that the victim attacked them or that the abuse was somehow mutual. In fact “mutual abuse” is a myth; there is almost always an aggressor. Read these FAQs on abusive relationships for more. 90-95% of abuse victims are women.

As for Scottie planning to sue Charlie if he doesn’t give her a large settlement, I wish all abuse victims were able to do this. Yes she was/is a sex worker dating a rich addict. That didn’t give Charlie a pass to batter, choke, demean, threaten to kill her and force her to have an abortion. People who claim Scottie somehow brought this on, instigated it or got what she deserved for dating Charlie are uninformed at best.

happy Bday Brooke
when you’re done sucking off the parking lot at
Home Depot
why don’t ya ‘blow’
out this candle.
c
http://t.co/sw1K4LI7BS

— Charlie Sheen (@charliesheen) November 5, 2013

photo credit: WENN.com and Twitter