OOOF.

You know when a night does not go the way you planned? Like you never imagine that on the night of the prom you’ll break your ankle or get pinkeye or have a breakup on your birthday? That’s what happened to Dakota Johnson, who looked smoking hot but whose amazing red dress …      

Reese Witherspoon and Nicole Kidman posed together on the red carpet for some reason. I mean, I’m sure they know each other and they both have that CAA connection, but they seemed extra friendly last night.

Let’s start with Reese. She wore this Tom Ford that reads in photos like off-white, but I think it’s a very pale blue. It’s Tom Ford and the fit is beautiful and flattering, but I also think that the black shoulder thing looks uncomfortable. She looked like she had a rubber band holding her arms down. Reese accessorized with Tiffany’s jewels. I know this because she tweeted her styling details before she left her house, and then when she got on the red carpet, she promoted the #AskHerMore crap, which lead to an hour of awkwardness on the ABC red carpet show – which people only watch BECAUSE WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT FASHION – where no one asked anyone about their dresses. So stupid. Jesus.

And here’s Nicole Kidman in Louis Vuitton. Because of the stupid #AskHerMore BS, it took a while to get the ID on Kidman’s dress. The NYT Fashion tweeter noted that everybody thought Kidman’s dress looked super-cheap and then as soon as it was ID’d as Louis Vuitton, everyone changed their tune. For what it’s worth, I do think it looks cheap but I don’t even hate it. It’s interesting and I’m glad she didn’t wear some frilly, lacy thing. She goes to “grandmother’s lace doily” too often, and I think this dress looks sort of fun. But I could barely pay attention to the gown because Nicole has been Botoxing for so long, her face is set at a permanent frozen scowl. She looked like she was going to spit on someone while she was presenting. Something nice: her hair looked great.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Marion Cotillard was nominated again last night, which was her second Oscar nomination (I could have sworn she had more) and she of course has one Academy Award already, for 2007?s La Vie en Rose. This year Marion was nominated for a French language Belgian film that barely anyone has seen called Two Days, One Night. (I did see her in The Immigrant, she was excellent in that and she was up for a Spirit Award for that role, which went to Julianne Moore.) As per usual, Marion was in Dior, and as we’ve come to expect, it was offbeat. She was in an all white sleeveless Dior gown with a slight side train and a large circle print.

Cotillard was styled in a late 50s/early 60s vibe, and the whole look is very Zooey Deschanel at the Golden Globes. Plus the dress had tons of gathered fabric at the back that ended in a black band under her butt. So weird.

This is what Cotillard wore to the Vanity Fair Oscar party, and it’s not much better. I’m glad she didn’t wear this strange dress to the ceremony. What happens when Marion collaborates at Dior? Do they drink pastis, smoke hash and come up with the strangest designs possible, using the most fabric? This dress is like the top of Julianne Moore’s Spirit Awards dress (also Dior) meets the bottom of Bjork’s swan dress (Valentino) with a giant black band at the waist topped with a jaunty white sash, tied into a half-assed bow. Just no.

Photo credit: WENN.com

Benedict Cumberbatch and Sophie Hunter hit up the Vanity Fair party after the show. And maybe the photographer there asked for a kiss. And maybe Benedict obliged. And decided he would kiss AND close his eyes at the same time. Not a move I generally endorse. This is doesn’t qualify as an exc…      

My wish for Julianne Moore’s Oscar dress was that she not wear something utterly embarrassing because one of her “friends” talked her into it. Like, I get the feeling that she’s worn some bad Tom Ford gowns in the past because Tom Ford talked her into it and I wanted Julianne to just own her style and wear something simple and elegant, because the photos of Julianne holding the Oscar are going to last a lifetime.

Julianne ended up going with a custom-made (by Karl Lagerfeld) Chanel gown which took nearly a thousand hours to construct. Yes, this somewhat bland gown in a shade of “shiny oatmeal” took a thousand hours to make. Was it worth it? No, it wasn’t. But Julianne did not embarrass herself. And I like how beautifully tailored this is. Her styling was pretty simple too – a pretty updo and nice earrings. Not the best, but not the worst. Plus, people just love her and I think everyone’s happy that Julianne finally won an Oscar.

Viola Davis in this Zac Posen wasn’t my favorite either, but I still admired the look and of course I worship Viola. Viola was on-trend with this muted color AND with a statement necklace. I have to say, I think this gown looks better in still photos than it did in motion. Zac Posen’s gowns are famously overworked and over-designed, so it’s nice to see a more edited look from him.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Dakota Johnson and Melanie Griffith walked the red carpet at last night’s Oscars. Their joint appearance echoed their 2000 mother-daughter date, and it was nice that mom showed up to support her starlet daughter. Things got a little messy. When asked about FSOG, the two ladies snapped at each other. To be fair, it was a dumb question. Melanie didn’t want to talk about her daughter in a sex-ay movie, but yeah. There’s some friction.

Dakota’s dress was simple and beautiful. She wore a red Saint Laurent column gown with an elegant silhouette. I made fun of the jewel encrusted armpit, but that detail snazzes up an otherwise Valentine-y dress. The thigh-high slit and one-shoulder effect added extra appeal. Dakota’s persona is bland, but this dress is anything but boring. Her ponytail was quite pretty and let the dress shine. The red lipstick wasn’t too matchy.

Zoe Saldana wore a pale pink Atelier Versace gown with structuring detail around the waist. She looked tired (she has newborn twins!) but gorgeous. Her bod is curvier than usual, and the dress added to the effect. Perfection.

Zoe wore a black-and-white Prabal Gurung gown to the Vanity Fair party. The dress reminded me of a circus tent.

Rita Ora brought her American takeover in Marchesa just as I predicted. At least Rita had an overdone dress upon which to pile her drama. The midnight blue dress and fishtail hem would have been plenty enough. The gold leaves push the dress into ridiculousness. Rita performed “Grateful” from Beyond the Lights, which wasn’t terrible (unlike this dress).

Here’s what Rita wore to the Vanity Fair party. We can’t show you the side or back view, but her tush was on full display.

Gina Rodriguez wore a blue, satiny Susy Amos Cameron dress. The color is pretty, but the fabric is wrinkly. It feels like an off-the-rack look.

Photos courtesy of WENN

If you’re going to be a culture vulture you’re going to get tired. It’s an occupational hazard. Seasons are long, the same people promote the same projects forever so you feel like they don’t give you a chance to miss them…and you get jaded. Or I do. I roll my eyes….      

It pains me to say this after last year’s Lupita Lovefest, but I didn’t really care for Lupita Nyong’o’s Oscar look last night. Lupita returned as a presenter for Best Supporting Actor, the first award given out. And while the night shouldn’t have been about her, it felt like she was trying to do something bold and interesting and it ended up looking kind of cheap and boring. Her red carpet gown was custom-made Calvin Klein (Francisco Costa) and it had thousands of pearls designed into the dress. I don’t know, you guys. Am I wrong to hate this? Ugh.

For what it’s worth, I liked her party dress after the show. I can’t find a confirmation on the designer ID, but it looks like another Calvin Klein. This would have been beautifully simple at the Oscars.

Anna Kendrick is not a fashion girl. That’s fine. I get the feeling that she tries and she’s still figuring out her “look.” This isn’t her look. She wore this custom Thakoon in a weird apricot color. Is that what we’re calling it? Coral, maybe. I think this looks cheap. It looks like a Daytime Emmys dress.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Last night, during ABC’s red carpet coverage, they made it a point not to ask any women about their dresses. It was part of the #AskHerMore campaign, which Reese Witherspoon and Patricia Arquette referenced (E! also got rid of their manicam), and while it may sound admirable in theory, in practice it seemed ridiculous. As Kaiser wrote earlier, the red carpet fashion and jewels are a billion dollar industry. The dresses are made for free in exchange for publicity. Some of the interviewers were going out of their way to talk about the gowns without asking the designer names. When Lara Spencer spoke with Kerry Washington, she referenced the color of her dress and Kerry proudly volunteered that it was Miu Miu.

Kerry’s styling was so pretty, especially on camera, and it was a lovely dress but there was nothing particularly special or standout about it. Plus it had a peplum! Why?! Miu Miu got the memo about pale colors being in this season, but they’re stuck in trends that needed to die a couple of years ago. Something nice: I love the variegated fern sequins on the top, and the skirt is so pretty with that kind of honeycomb and oval beading.

Speaking of Miu Miu using bad trends that need to go away, here’s Chloe Moretz, in a pretty pleated floral pale strapless gown with incredible details, but look it has pockets! Chloe kept using those pockets, on the red carpet and while she was presenting. Chloe must not read Go Fug Yourself, but she’s just 18, she gets a pass.

Here’s another young attendee, Lorelei Linklater, 20, in Burberry. Lorelei loves goth styles and dark makeup. I know some of you will disagree but I can appreciate this look, probably because it reminds me of my heydey in the 90s. This dress is funky, it’s weird, and I think she’s working it. I hate the fact that the top is see-through with the embroidery for modesty though, it should be a solid color. As I’ve said before she stays true to her style. Plus I have a soft spot for her because I watched her grow up on screen.

photo credit: WENN.com

I’ve combined Felicity Jones and Keira Knightley in posts throughout the awards season, because they’ve disappointed me the whole awards season. Keira used to be such a Fashion Girl. She even got to the point where everything she wore was noteworthy and discussed at length. But that was before the fetus stole her mojo. Keira’s entire red carpet campaign this year has just been… disappointing. A missed opportunity to show off some crazy, awesome maternity styles. Instead, Keira has veered too far into the twee-ness and cutesy crap. Her red carpet Oscar gown was Valentino and… NO. I’m sorry, I can’t with this. I know some of you love it, but I just can’t. The stupid nude tulle, the writing on the dress, the flowers… it’s bad, you guys.

I think Keira knew it was bad too, so she changed into a different Valentino gown for the parties. She should have reversed these gowns – the nude Valentino for the parties and this dark velvet gown for the Oscars.

And here’s the other disappointing British fashion girl Felicity Jones, the only one (??) at the Oscars wearing Sarah Burton for McQueen. It sounded like Sarah Burton customized this gown for Felicity especially, so why is the design so awkward above the waist? Like, I understand the inclination to do a BIG princess dress. This was Felicity’s first Oscar nomination, her first Oscars, why not go big? But from the waist up, I’m sorry, I don’t think this is flattering.

Photos courtesy of WENN.