Gillian! Happy 40th Birthday with love from your sister Andrea! By request, your “midget” RDJ.

And for Anita – you’re finished with the treatment and now it’s a dog party! Katie asked me to post pictures of all these beautiful (but sometimes bratty, right?) faces…      

Piers Morgan is a tired old douchebag. I wish Britain would take him back, but I think we’re sort of stuck with him here in America. Can we come to some kind of agreement, Britain? We’ll keep Piers and you take half of the Kardashian-Jenner clan. How about that? Anyway, Piers was invited to the Oscars (to cover them) and he also got invites to some major parties, like the Weinstein Company’s pre-Oscar party the Saturday before the Oscars, and the Vanity Fair Oscar party. And he ended up running into Benedict Cumberbatch at both events. Only on Saturday night, Benedict said something mean about Piers behind his back, so no Piers HATES Bendy. Here are the relevant portions of Piers’ bitchy Mean Girl Oscar Diary.

Saturday night, The Weinstein pre-Oscar party
On a roll, I passed Benedict Cumberbatch on the way into dinner, an actor I’ve long admired on and off screen, and who my whole family, led by my mother, seem to adore. Last year, I interviewed him on the Oscars red carpet and he couldn’t have been more friendly or charming.
So I assumed he would greet my appearance with the same warmth that had drawn him over to my CNN cameras 12 months ago.

‘Good luck tomorrow night, Benedict,’ I gushed. ‘Loved the movie.’

‘Thank you Piers,’ he replied, slightly less enthusiastically. ‘That’s kind of you to say.’

I walked on, then I turned back to see where my wife Celia was, and spotted Benedict and a bearded chap exchanging what looked like mocking glances at me. Celia, who’d been standing right next to them at the time, looked bemused when she reached me. ‘Did you say something to upset Benedict?’

‘No, why?’

‘Because I’m fairly sure I just heard him say “ODIOUS man” about you, emphasising the first word and rolling out the “o” for good effect.’ I felt a dagger pierce my trusting heart.

‘Fairly sure, or certain?’

‘99.9%. It could have been “Oh, delicious man,” but I think we both know that’s unlikely.’

I looked back at Benedict who caught my eye then glanced away sheepishly. I’ve no idea what might have provoked such new secret loathing. Keira Knightley, his co-star in The Imitation Game, can’t stand me after I berated her a few years ago for constantly moaning about the press – and for saying she has the world’s most annoying pout, which is just an indisputable fact. So maybe she poisoned his mind. Or maybe Benedict’s just reached this verdict all by himself, which of course he’s perfectly entitled to do. I’d just admire him rather more if next time, rather than shake my hand and exchange platitudes, he has the b**** to look me in the eye and say: ‘Go away Piers, you odious man.’

Sunday, at the Vanity Fair party:
We spied Joan and Jackie Collins in a booth together, and went over to exchange suitably luvvie hugs and air-kisses. Then I suddenly realised they were sitting with Benedict Cumberbatch.

I blanked him, deliberately, coldly, and in a way that could leave no room for misinterpretation. Mr Cumberbatch needs to reflect on his duplicitous actions. If not for me, then for my mother who will be distraught when she reads this.

[From The Daily Mail]

I’m sorry, but I find it funny that Piers Morgan is so butthurt. Piers Morgan IS an odious man but Benedict should have said that to Piers’ face. And I love that Piers is so lacking is self-awareness that he would actually be offended when someone says he’s odious. If you go and read Piers’ whole Oscar diary, it’s pretty funny too – he’s just name-dropping all of the cool people who said “hello” to him and I guess Benedict was the only one to say one mean thing about him. Piers should know by now: Bendy is the Queen Bee of Bitchy Mean Girls.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Dear Gossips,

I’m back from elbow surgery. And I’m here to tell you:

Grey’s Anatomy is REAL.

Have you seen Whiplash? You remember how hot that band was? I said to Jacek when we were watching Whiplash: ummm… when I was growing up, band guys were NEVER that hot….      

Kendall Jenner’s modelling career still soars with several recent fashion week gigs. She walked in Milan last week but had to pull out of a few shows when she got sick. I’ve included photos of Kendall walking for Fendi in Milan and H&M in Paris. She’s been nearly inseparable from Cara “Coke Dropper” Delevingne, and they’ve been clubbing together in Milan before moving onto Paris. I wonder how hard Kendall is partying and whether the new habit is related to her sickness.

A new story in this week’s OK! magazine says Kendall is pulling away from the Kardashian Klan in a big way. The source is suspect, but an insider says Kendall wants to move to London. The source could be not-Kris Jenner (or maybe it’s a party buddy of Cara’s), who says, “She’s making a fortune and she doesn’t need them anymore. She’s getting more and more prestigious modeling gigs and doesn’t want to be dragged down by the tacky KUWTK biz anymore.” At least they got the “tacky” detail correct.

Kendall may be ready to end her Hannah-Montana existence. She supposedly doesn’t want Kris to be her manager, but this could all be made up for the show. Sadly, I don’t think there’s any escape for a female Kardashian. Kendall and Kylie are supposed to film their own spinoff show, but moving to London wouldn’t prevent filming.

Oh, and this week’s issue of Star magazine keeps pushing the ridiculous notion that Kendall and Scott Jenner have a thing. The latest story says Scott proposed to Kendall (in a “wildly inappropriate — yet oddly romantic — moment“), and they’re going to run away to Europe together. The tabs have been saying stuff like this for weeks, which is extremely poor taste. Even Lord Disick has enough class to not pursue his sister-in-law. Fake story is fake.

View image | gettyimages.com

View image | gettyimages.com

View image | gettyimages.com

View image | gettyimages.com

View image | gettyimages.com

Photos courtesy of WENN & Getty

I was about to go on a rant against PETA, but I have to bite my tongue. PETA sent out a notice and an open letter asking Derick Dillard to apologize for sledding over a small ginger kitty. My first thought was: “Why are they making a stink about that and not the bloody, macabre horror show that was Kid Rock’s Rolling Stone interview?” But as it turns out, PETA did make a statement about the Kid Rock interview. That’s why I’m biting my tongue… this time.

As we discussed yesterday, Derick Dillard is a jackass. He aimed his sled (a baking sheet) straight at a little kitty, just minding her own business. PETA’s “Director of Christian Outreach and Engagement” (???) sent out the following open letter to Dillard:

Dear Mr. Dillard,

I’m writing to you as PETA’s director of Christian outreach and engagement in response to the video you posted on your Instagram account on March 1, which depicts you apparently purposely sledding directly into an unsuspecting cat. Almost more disturbing than your enjoyment in it was your family’s.

Might doesn’t make right, but that’s the message you’ve sent to scores of impressionable young children and loyal fans. I hope you’ll publicly apologize for your actions and remind your followers that Jesus’ command to “do unto others” includes all of God’s creatures.

Sincerely,
Sarah Withrow King
Director of Christian Outreach and Engagement

[From PETA]

Many of you pointed out that the Catholics do animal-rights better than the Baptists. I’ve never really thought about it that way, mostly because I’m surrounded by Baptists in a very dog-friendly area. But yes, I think as far as religious doctrines go, the Catholics probably do animal rights better than the Baptists or whatever wingnut offshoot the Duggars and the Dillards are. And while PETA is usually “no bueno,” I don’t mind them calling out Derick Dillard at all. I still feel a pang for this poor kitty.

Sledding with friends and family at the Duggar home #smallestsled

A video posted by Derick Dillard (@derickdillard) on Feb 28, 2015 at 9:18pm PST

Photos the Dillard-Duggars’ social media.

View image | gettyimages.com

Patricia Arquette has an interview with People Magazine to promote her new CBS show, CSI: Cyber. The show premiered last night and is getting middling reviews. I’m not a fan of true crime shows or any of the CSIs but it’s got James Van Der Beek and Fat Neil from Community (that’s what they called him) in it. It looks like a fun ensemble cast in the same vein as NCIS. I’ve seen the first 10 minutes of the show and Patricia plays it very straight and even, she has that monotone voice that makes it sound like she’s either in control or incredibly bored.

To People, Patricia gave some decent quotes about body image and about working in Hollywood. She wasn’t controversial at all like when she talked feminism backstage at the Oscars. She made some good points:

On body image
When I was a teenager, someone told me, ‘If you fix your teeth, you could be in Playboy.’ I said ‘Why would I want to be in Playboy?’ I didn’t want to look perfect. I didn’t want to have to be some girl in a magazine. I didn’t want to have to change myself to be attractive.

I’ve had so many of these conversations in my life … what I look like on film, what I don’t look like on film. What are we supposed to look like? Men are not having these conversations.

It’s like we’re trapped in wet wool or something. I just want to be free of it so we can move to the next level as equals. Not that I don’t love being a woman, not that I don’t love the differences between men and women. I just mean, as an actor – why is this a conversation? Why is aging a conversation? It’s a one-sided conversation because it’s only ever had by women.

On how she relates to her Boyhood character
When you’re a kid you think, ‘I can’t wait to have my own independence, to have my own apartment, but it can be really rough being an adult, and sometimes it just feels relentless.

She’s tried to shelter her kids Enzo, 26, and Harlow, 12, from the industry
I don’t watch my movies at home, I don’t talk about my work with my kids, there’s not any posters of myself up on the wall.

[From People Magazine, online and print edition, March 16, 2015]

On People’s website, Arquette has some additional quotes about keeping kids safe online. She sounds a little out of touch, and I can tell that this show is going to sensationalize the Internet to an unrealistic degree. That’s what these shows do though. Arquette said “I have this line in one of the episodes where I say, ‘No adult would ever let their child go outside and play with a 45-year-old stranger, but in these online gaming worlds they’re doing it every day.’ It’s the truth.” Yes it’s the truth, but those two situations are not equivocal in any way, and if you teach your child to be careful and anonymous online it’s a much different thing.

About Arquette’s teeth, I honestly barely noticed them. She reminds me a little of Kirsten Dunst in that way. Dunst has said that she loves her “snaggle fangs” (her words) and that she’s not going to change them. Arquette places it in the larger context of people nitpicking women for minor perceived flaws and for aging. As long as she’s not calling out other groups for not supporting feminist causes, I agree with her.

Update: After this story was published, I found an interview that Arquette did with Buzzfeed in which she attempted to clarify her backstage Oscar comments. It’s a very extensive interview. Buzzfeed also asked her about the character she played on Medium, Allison Dubois, getting wasted and making a fool of herself on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Arquette defended her somewhat, and said that Dubois didn’t “have very much experience on camera. And it’s never a great idea to be drunk on camera.” As for what she said backstage at the Oscars, Arquette said that was “very misconstrued.” Here’s how she addressed it:

What I meant was the most adversely affected are women of color, and every single lesbian and transgender woman. So what I was saying is all of these bases should rally around women. I don’t know why everybody just accepts that women should take this; that women should have to be paid less for the exact same job. I’m not talking about charity. I’m talking about working women doing the exact same job. I mean, I’m sorry people took it that way. We have these incredible activists in all of these areas who have made and fought for significant change. Why don’t they come forward and support women? Half of their base is women — why aren’t they fighting for that?

[From Buzzfeed]

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photo credit: Getty Images

Whoa! Dean Sheremet, LeAnn Rimes’ first husband, has given the most epic tell-all interview of his whole life. Dean was and is often praised for not “telling all” about what happened with LeAnn. He’s made a handful of smaller comments here and there over the years, but this interview has taken me by surprise. Some theorize that he wants to talk about everything ahead of the release of his new cookbook, so he won’t have to answer these questions a million times. Perhaps. Or maybe he just felt like talking. The piece is really long – go here for the whole thing. I’m just going to pick out some of most interesting quotes. But I have to say, the whole piece is pretty interesting – Dean comes across like a real sweetheart.

When he met LeAnn: “I was a professional dancer. She was a superstar. I knew that one of us had to sacrifice something to have a healthy marriage. And that was my goal. As much as I wanted to be successful, I wanted a family more. I’ve always wanted to be married and have kids. Family is everything to me.

Giving up his career to focus on her: “As it went on, there were a lot of animosities that built up. I felt like I was never having my needs met so there was fighting. And I was so intertwined in managing her career that I didn’t know how to make the distinction between husband and boss, husband and partner, husband and manager…”

Whether he felt like he lived in her shadow: “Not at first. It felt like we were a team. As it went on, the team became toxic. But when we were working together, we were brilliant. The dumbest thing she ever did for her career was divorce me. Because we were such a good team. The last hit song she had was when she was with me. It was “Nothing Better to Do”. I had that title in my head and was kicking it around for a bit. We got our friend Darrell Brown, who is a phenomenal writer, to write it with us and we wrote the whole album.

He was uncomfortable with their lifestyle: “Not with the life, just the way that she would spend money. We would go shopping and not even look at the amount. It’s just a weird life. I come from Mid-Western core values where you’re smart about your money.”

He was never on LeAnn’s payroll: “No. God no. I would have never let that happen. Everything was joint. And she never made me feel that way. There was never talk of money or me not pulling my weight. I think she felt like we were a great team. It always felt equal. She always made it feel equal. Until we got divorced and I found out how unequal it was.

The Lifetime movie, Northern Lights: “The funny thing is I’m the one who pushed her to do that movie… LeAnn has always had her heart set on acting. But you need to put the work in. I think she’s been so used to everything coming so easy to her that she just assumed, “I’ll act”. So I was like, “This is a soft way to get yourself on a set, have lines, go through the motions.” I saw her being ambivalent and was like, “That’s not gonna get you where you need to be. Do this movie. It’s gonna be great for you!”

He didn’t expect her to cheat: “Never in a million years did I think something like that would have happened. The need for me in her life was so strong. There were things she couldn’t do without me. She had her own phone but never used it. People would call me to get to her. Everything went through me.

Meeting Eddie Cibrian: “He was a good looking guy. I just remember being like, “Oh, God, just another one of those Hollywood pretty boys.” If you’re in a room with him, he’s probably one of the most charming people you’ll ever meet. But I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw this f–king table…he just felt like one of those guys from the beginning. A total schmoozer. Very Hollywood. I never bought his schtick. But I wasn’t worried.

The first time things seemed off: “I got really sick and had to go home [to Nashville, the film was shooting in Canada] to the doctor. I was gone for a full week. I’ll never forget this, there was this bar that everyone hung out at after set and I remember coming down the stairs and seeing the two of them shooting pool together. I could just tell by the body language that everything had changed. She’s shooting pool, shooting tequila, in a tight tank, tight jeans, over the knee boots and she’s standing across from him, playing with the pool cue. All of a sudden, there was a huge shift. My stomach dropped. I literally felt like I got hit.

Why LeAnn moved back to LA: “She really lives on the adoration of others. I could be speaking out of turn but this is my perspective. She lives and dies on the perception of herself. I sympathize with that cause she’s been famous since she was 12-years-old so she doesn’t know anything else. In LA, there’s the paparazzi and that false sense of success, false security that you’re still relevant. If you’re in the magazines, then you matter. And that carried over to the divorce. She became even more “famous”. But she was in the middle of the road in country and she should’ve been owning that format. She’s one of the most talented people I’ve ever met, has the most incredible voice, she’s flawless. But she got away from doing that and it breaks my heart. She’s gone away from what she was put on this earth to do. It’s all been at the expense of that. I think she learned a really hard lesson because it didn’t pan out the way she wanted it to.

The hardest part: “The cheating wasn’t the hardest part. The hardest part was someone standing in the back of the bus in the middle of nowhere and saying, “I don’t love you anymore.” I would’ve rather she said, “I slept with twenty guys.”

[From Nat’s Next Adventure]

There’s so much more in that piece – it’s a must-read for all of the people interested in LeAnn-Eddie-Dean-Brandi drama. He talks about how confusing and crazy everything was post-affair and how LeAnn didn’t even know what she wanted at first. He compliments LeAnn in several different ways, and I think he’s right, the worst thing for her music career was divorcing him. His assessment of Eddie is pretty dead-on too. Sigh… poor Dean. At least he seems to be in a good place these days.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

What the hell, man? Disney’s live-action version of Beauty & the Beast is coming together, casting-wise, only the choices are… not what I would have expected. A few months ago, Emma Watson was announced as the new Belle, which is an okay choice. We were hoping for really strong casting in other places. And yes, it was probably too much to hope for Jason Momoa as the Beast. But this?!

Belle has found her Beast! Disney’s upcoming live-action Beauty and the Beast has cast the man who will play the furry prince. Downton Abbey star Dan Stevens scored the part of the Beast, The Hollywood Reporter announced on Wednesday, March 4.

Stevens seemingly confirmed the casting news on Twitter shortly after, posting a giant meme that read “Beast Mode.” The 32-year-old will join Harry Potter star Emma Watson, who signed on to play the Disney princess back in January.

Dracula Untold actor Luke Evans is in talks to play the egotistical villain Gaston.

[From Us Weekly]

DAN STEVENS?! Cousin Matthew from Downton Abbey?! BEAST MODE?! Don’t get me wrong, I actually like Dan Stevens. I had great affection for Cousin Matthew and his “tingles” down below. When he started losing all the weight and living in America, I was sort of okay with it. And while this might be a coup for his career, I still think this is a bad casting choice. As for Luke Evans as Gaston… sure. I can sort of see that. My impression of Luke is that he’s sort of wiry and smaller than we think, but maybe I’m wrong. Emma is so small, maybe they think they can put smaller guys beside her and they’ll look bigger.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I don’t really have a problem with Adam Driver, I’m just not into him on a gut (or pants) level. His interviews are actually interesting and he has a nice body, but… well, I’m not into him. Still, I’m happy to see an actor “make it” in Hollywood with unconventional looks. Trying to care about interchangeable pretty boys gets tedious after a while, and I could see Driver becoming a modern version of the 1970s leading man archetype, like Dustin Hoffman and Gene Hackman and such.

Anyway, Driver covers the new issue of VMAN. You can see more of the editorial here. As I said… nice body. Really nice body, actually. He can’t wear a tuxedo though – he looks like a dirt-lipped 17 year old on his way to the prom. Here are some highlights from his cover interview:

The search for meaning: “As you get older and life starts to happen more, why not go down to the bottom as much as possible? But there can also be a danger in trying to find meaning in acting, which I’m also learning: that you take it way too seriously, and yourself too seriously. That’s a tricky thing: How do you take it so seriously that your stakes are life and death, but at the end of the day you can let it go? Talking to older actors, they never seem to figure it out.

He acknowledges his privilege: “It’s a little surreal. I love Scorsese and Spielberg—I probably watch Jaws twice a year. To work with them is a little out of body. It’s obviously extremely flattering, and weird. I’m a straight, white male, and I’ve had more opportunities than other people have, unjustly. And I’ve been lucky on top of that.

Hollywood’s slow pace: “It’s so insane to me. That’s why I like being a part of Girls, because it’s such a female-driven show. I see so many actors and friends who are so f–king good—but for one reason or another, because they’re female or African American, there aren’t as many opportunities for them. It’s total bullsh-t. My wife is an actress. She’s had to audition for, you know, “Blonde Girl #3.” There’s just such sh–ty writing and not as many opportunities.

Being married to an actress: “We’re both figuring it out. I value privacy and it’s impossible to say that without sounding like a total pretentious a–hole. Losing anonymity is a real thing and it makes your job difficult because when you are what people are looking at, you start thinking about yourself as opposed to taking things in. And selling who you are as a person doesn’t make sense to me. At the same time, you almost want to figure out a way to leverage some of it and do something good. My wife and I run a nonprofit, Arts and the Armed Forces, where we do monologues from contemporary American plays and do readings for a diverse military audience.

[From VMAN]

He’s also given an opportunity to defend (or slam, I suppose) Lena Dunham and he doesn’t take it, saying that he never even watches Girls because he just finds it difficult to watch himself. I don’t think he really wants to get involved with Lena’s politics or her controversies either way – he’s grateful for the job, but it’s just a job. And I like him more for acknowledging his privilege. Don’t you? I’m not asking white guys to beat themselves up because they don’t understand the struggle or whatever, but it’s nice to see a guy who is aware of enough to say, “Huh, I have so many more opportunities as an artist/person because I’m a white guy.”

Photos courtesy of Inez & Vinoodh/VMAN.

In a move that surely predicts the worst selling magazine issue ever, Justin Bieber covers the April issue of Men’s Health. The magazine seems to realize the futility of this editorial snafu — they titled their feature, “Why Is Justin Bieber on the Cover of Men’s Health?” What an excellent question.

This cover feature is part of Swaggy’s ongoing redemption tour, although I’m not sure he’s preaching to the right demographic. This is some hefty photoshop on the cover, right? As with the Calvin Klein ads, Bieber truly wants us to think he’s ripped, but look at this fantastic picture of a boxing Bieber. The trainer is barely flexing to hold off the blows!

The interview is kinda, like, fussy. Bieber, like, uses the word “like” a lot. Especially when he talks about his massive muscles:

On becoming a man: “There’s a part of me that I don’t ever want to grow up. I want to always remain … to have that sense of purity inside of me where I don’t … I don’t want to lose that sense of purity.”

His insanely ripped body: “Yeah, you know I’m just getting bigger, man. It’s like, my shoulders don’t fit in some things.”

The struggle is real, yo: “[It’s] almost like I grew up for the public but I didn’t necessarily grow up. There were things I had to do, as far as the way I had to make relationships, and conversation, but as far as actually growing up, there were a lot of things I missed out on.”

On romance: “I’m very much a relationship guy. I like to bounce ideas off the person that I love. I like having a real connection …”

An obligatory mancrush: “Ben Affleck. I think his vibe is cool.”

His body art: “Like the tattoos and stuff? Maybe that’s like a cover for me being a softy. I want ‘LL’ tatted right here [chest]. When you’re Low, Lift. Because we often want to keep our heads down. But we should lift our heads.”

[From Men’s Health]

Most of what he says is utter crap, of course. I’ve wondered before if Bieber’s resorted to steroids, but who knows. I do think he’s taking advantage of strategic spray tanning and lots of airbrushing. He doesn’t seem like the type to stay consistent in the gym and maintain the correct diet to build lean muscle. Men’s Health released a behind the scenes video in an effort to prove this is 100% Swaggy’s body, but I’m not buying it. These 40-pound dumbbells must be hollow. You can see more of the shoot here.

Photos courtesy of Peter Hapak/Men’s Health, Fame/Flynet & WENN