Before we talk about A-Rod, I wanted to talk briefly about another cheater, Lance Armstrong, who has met his own reckoning this week. The last time we talked about Lance, he was letting his girlfriend take the fall for his hit and run. Lance just pled guilty to careless driving and paid a nominal fine. But! We’re seeing results in his doping scandal, finally, for which he has been unrepentant. Lance has been ordered to pay $10 million to the sports insurance industry that funded his Tour de France bonuses. I doubt they’ll ever see their money.

Another doper, Alex Rodriguez, is preparing to make a comeback after a season suspension from the New York Yankees. A-Rod took performance enhancing drugs from (at least) 2010-12. He apologized yesterday in a letter released to ESPN:

“I take full responsibility for the mistakes that led to my suspension for the 2014 season. I regret that my actions made the situation worse than it needed to be. To Major League Baseball, the Yankees, the Steinbrenner family, the Players Association and you, the fans, I can only say I’m sorry. I accept the fact that many of you will not believe my apology or anything that I say at this point. I understand why and that’s on me. It was gracious of the Yankees to offer me the use of Yankee Stadium for this apology but I decided the next time I am in Yankee Stadium, I should be in pinstripes doing my job.”

[From ESPN]

That’s a decent, PR-written apology. Maybe he’s owning up to his mistakes and regrets his actions? Suckers. ESPN magazine just published an in-depth interview with A-Rod, who made several off-the-cuff statements about his PED use. Among them, A-Rod believes he didn’t really dope because whatever he took didn’t make his game better. He thinks he was supplied with a placebo. Really! “Only me. Only a dope like me would do that stuff and have the two worst statistical seasons of my career.” Yeah, he’s not really taking responsibility.

Page Six is calling bullsh*t on A-Rod’s mea culpa letter. They point out that Alex wants to be recognized for apologizing but he also wants to be seen as an innocent. What a douche. Even if (and that’s a big IF) A-Rod only took a placebo, he fully intended to cheat his way to a better baseball performance.

There’s a special place in Xenu’s volcano for pro athletes who dope. It’s a widespread problem, and the news keeps on coming. The female winner of last year’s Boston Marathon, Rita Jeptoo, was caught doping too. I guess these athletes are tempted by the money rewards, but it bugs. Real competitors were knocked down by Lance, A-Rod, Rita, and their needles.

Photos courtesy of WENN