SPOILERS for the Season Finale of Game of Thrones, “Mother’s Mercy”

Well, damn. That was the darkest, most depressing season finale ever. The only bright spot was pretty much the return of Varys, and while that part of the storyline was lovely, it wasn’t enough for the awfulness. Just know: a lot of actors are doing end-of-season interviews so I’m probably going to do multiple Game of Thrones posts today. Let’s begin with the recap/discussion.

Dany’s Men in Meereen. Peter Dinklage could have chemistry with a piece of wood, so I enjoyed the bickering between Tyrion and Daario. Honestly, that would have been a lovely pairing off, but instead I think Jorah Mormont is going to give Daario Greyscale while they journey to find Dany. Daario and Jorah leave Tyrion in charge of Meereen, with Missandei and Grey Worm helping him. Am I the only who thinks that threesome is going to do really well together? And ten bucks says Tyrion develops a crush on Missandei.

The return of Varys. I just enjoyed that! I love that Varys always survives and thrives. He will be a great addition to the Meereen team too.

Dany is somewhere. Drogon is tired and injured and he just wants to rest in his favorite (?) spot, where it looks like he brings his fresh kills to savor. Dany’s all, “Seriously, we need to go back” and he’s all “nope.” So she goes off in search of food and suddenly she’s surrounded by thousands of horses and riders. So where is she? Since Tyrion had seen Drogon by Valyria, I thought he would take her there. But I think Dany is some place we haven’t seen before.

Stupid Dorne Storyline. I mean, I’m happy that something finally happened, but good God. So Ellaria Sand and the Sand Snakes finally got their revenge on the Lannisters – Ellaria gave Myrcella a long kiss goodbye, literally. Ellaria had poison on her lips and the poison killed Myrcella less than a mile from the Dornish shore. I don’t get this play, though – now the Lannisters have Prince Trystane, right? So they can hold another Martell hostage in Westeros.

Arya is not No One. Ayra ignores her duty to kill that other dude so she can kill the first person on her list, Meryn Trant. It was gory and amazing. She stuck a small blade in each of his eyes and just stabbed him repeatedly as she told him who she was and why she was killing him. It was pretty hardcore. When she returns the borrowed face back to the Hall of Faces, Jaqen H’ghar is all “I know what you did,” etc. What goes down next is pretty freaky – Jaqen takes poison but it’s not really him because he is No One and the other girl become Jaqen and then Arya goes blind. It’s all kind of crazy.

Sansa finally does something. She breaks out of her room – using the stolen corkscrew, it looks like – and finally makes her way to the Broken Tower to light a candle for Brienne, only Brienne looks away at just the wrong moment, of course. So Sansa, seeing the battle between Stannis’s army and the Bolton army play out from the tower, decides to look for a way out. Ramsey’s mistress Myranda and Reek find her and Myranda is about to shoot an arrow through some part of Sansa, I guess, when Reek finally becomes Theon and shoves Myranda off the side of the building. Theon grabs Sansa and for some reason, their only solution is to jump, Thelma & Louise-style, holding hands all the way down. It looked like quite a jump too – easily eight to ten floors. So, was it a suicide pact or something else? I really don’t even know.

Stannis gets what’s coming to him. I hoped Stannis would survive just long enough to kill Ramsey Bolton, but the Bolton forces overwhelmed Stannis’s beleaguered half-force (they even arrived on foot). Stannis barely survives the battle when Brienne of Tarth finds him. She gives him the noble speech about serving his brother and seeing the smoke monster with Stannis’s face kill Renly and he’s all, “Get to it.” So she does chop off his head. Right? We didn’t see the final moment, but I’m sure she did. Gwendoline Christie talked about Brienne’s minimal actions this season and her final moment in the finale to EW – go here to read.

Cersei’s Walk of Shame. It kills me that she’s still lying her ass off to the High Sparrow, thinking that she’s only “confessing” to what he already knows. I’m pretty sure the High Sparrow knows a lot more, but that’s an issue for next season, I suppose. So one of her punishments – along with a future trial?! – is to walk naked through the streets of King’s Landing while the commoners insult her and throw things at her. While I hate Cersei and think she’s an awful politician and queen, I think Lena Headey has brass balls for the way she played that whole scene. Lena really does deserve special recognition when it comes to handing out acting awards this season. Lena talked about the walk of shame to EW – go here to read.

The return of The Mountain. Qyburn has been working on his “special project” of reanimating, Frankenstein-like, Ser Gregor Clegane following his death at the hands of the Red Viper of Dorne (rest in peace). When Cersei finally arrived back at the Red Keep, Quburn was the first to go to her and cover her. Then he introduced her to Robert Strong, who is The Mountain. Blah.

Everything at The Wall. Oh, God. Jon Snow sends Sam, Gilly and the baby away to the Citadel so Sam can study to be a maester. Sam gets out just in time. Ser Davos pleads with Jon to give Stannis more supplies, but then Melisandre shows up and wordlessly confirms that everyone is dead. Davos only cared about Princess Shireen and Melisandre doesn’t say how Shireen actually died. So, Davos and Melisandre are definitely at the Wall when the last part goes down – Ser Alliser Thorn and some Night’s Watch brothers assassinate Jon Snow, Julius-Cesaer-style. Olly – stupid Olly!! – give the final stab. And that’s the last image of the finale… Jon Snow wordlessly bleeding out in the snow. WHERE WAS GHOST? Will Melisandre resurrect Jon? Everyone associated with the show is saying no, that Jon Snow is dead. BUT IS HE? I’ll be doing another post on this today.

Photos courtesy of HBO/GoT.