Salty…sandy…sticky…sunburned. The best. I love this human. My human.

A photo posted by Nikki Reed (@iamnikkireed) on May 2, 2015 at 8:13am PDT

I had to chuckle at the caption for this photo from Nikki Reed’s Instagram account. She’s expressing gratitude and love for her “human,” which is a weird way of telling us that Ian Somerhalder isn’t really a vampire. Last week, Nikki and Ian married after a 9-month courtship. I’ve been side-eyeing the followup news stream, just like the posed engagement ring pics and the $1000 novelty shop visits. Speaking of the latter, some people believe that a store employee ratted out Nikki and Ian’s saucy shopping trips. Perhaps, but I still say anyone who drops that much money for bedroom toys is looking for attention. For couples who appreciate discretion, mail-order services exist … with free shipping.

Since the wedding, the paparazzi have captured Nikki and Ian making out all over Tulum, Mexico. Nikki also strutted around for some NSFW beach wedgie pics. People has received exclusive details on the next place Nikki and Ian will visit on their honeymoon:

Why settle for just one exotic post-wedding destination?

It’s a twofer for newlyweds Nikki Reed, 26, and Ian Somerhalder, 36, who lounged beachside in Tulum, Mexico, before jetting off to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

The Twilight alum and the Vampire Diaries actor, who wed in an intimate ceremony in Malibu, California, on April 26, first spent a few days in Mexico in an oceanfront suite at the boutique hotel Ana y Jose.

“They enjoyed the beach and the ocean,” a source tells PEOPLE. “They also went on several adventurous outings near their hotel. They seemed to have a great honeymoon.”

Next stop? Rio, where the couple also met up with some of Somerhalder’s costars for press commitments. The newlyweds, who had a double date with Paul Wesley and Phoebe Tonkin on Saturday, had a more romantic dinner à deux the following night.

Over a meal of Brazilian food and red wine at Pomar Oragânico, “they were kissing nonstop!” an eyewitness says. “They looked very happy.”

Adds a source close to the couple: “They are over the moon to finally be married.”

[From People]

Hollywood Life also has an amusing anecdote from a source who spotted Nikki and Ian in Tulum. The honeymooners are surrounded by historic sites and tourist attractions, “but they didn’t see much of the sites. Instead, they locked themselves away in their bedroom for hours on end for hot and steamy sex sessions.” The source adds that every time the “insatiable” couple left their hotel room, “they certainly appeared flustered. But then they were soon back in the bedroom for another few hours, resurfaced for an hour or two, then straight back for more lovemaking.” Finally, Nikki and Ian don’t plan on having kids anytime soon: “They feel that would actually be a bit of a rush.”

Well, at least they’re happy. Nikki has now wed twice by age 26. She barely rested a moment between splitting with Paul McDonald and hooking up with Ian. Who knows, maybe it’s real. Here’s a picture of Nikki and Ian’s Instagrammed Valentine’s Day celebration. These two love to share their love with the world.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! I used to think this Day was a conspiracy of chocolatiers and florists but I realize that taking a day out of our busy lives to celebrate the love in our lives is so important and should be every day. Celebrate love in your life-it’s what makes the world go around… Thank you all for giving us so much love, it’s so beautiful and so appreciated. Enjoy today-I just hope it isn’t about spending lots of money-the pressure to. THATS the corporate side that makes me sad. Love should be simple but thoughtful- a gesture or loving act shouldn’t be judged by its price tag… Love, Ian

A photo posted by iansomerhalder (@iansomerhalder) on Feb 15, 2015 at 10:29am PST

Photos courtesy of Nikki Reed on Instagram, Ian Somerhalder on Instagram, Fame/Flynet & WENN