This is one of the most bizarre things I’ve ever read, especially given the timing. Perez Hilton is still around, and he’s giving interviews like he consumes the Daily Mail 24-7 and he believes everything they publish. Perez and his obvious hairplugs went to the opening of a club in Las Vegas and he chatted with Page Six about the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. He apparently finds them super-boring. So boring that he spun out for a page and a half about how they “need to go back” to the UK, because everyone in America is terribly bored with them. Are we 100% positive Camilla Tominey wasn’t wearing a Perez mask at this club opening? I mean…

Perez Hilton believes Prince Harry and Meghan Markle need to pack up their California mansion and return to the United Kingdom where they belong.

“Honestly, they need to give up and move back to the UK,” Hilton, 45, exclusively told Page Six at Tao’s grand opening for Cathédrale at the Aria Resort & Casino in Las Vegas on Saturday. “I feel like it’s inevitable. I don’t mean this as an insult but they’re both boring. The only thing that makes them interesting is the family in the UK and all of that drama. In America, she and he are not royals to us. We’re not their subjects. They’re just celebrities and they have to play by the rules of celebrity. You have to work at it to maintain celebrity because the only way to monetize your celebrity is to maximize it and feed the machine.”

The podcast host, however, admitted that Markle has already hit it off with celebrity power players.“She’s hanging out regularly with Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom, with Ellen DeGeneres, with Oprah [Winfrey]. It doesn’t get any more Hollywood than that,” Hilton said. “It’s still fairly young and new. They’re in their honeymoon period, so to speak, and I feel like they’ll end up moving back eventually because that would also be good for business for them even if they’re still not working royals.”

Hilton also believes that Markle, 41, and Harry, 38, won’t be able to “resonate” with a lot of Americans because people find them “boring” and “hypocritical.”

“They’re still calling themselves the Duke and Duchess but they hate the institution. They’re calling their daughter and son Princess and Prince but they hate the institution,” Hilton said, adding, “I don’t dislike them, but I don’t like them either.”

“I respect what it all boils down to which is, Harry never liked being the ‘Spare.’ I get that. He never wanted to play by the palace rules. I get that. He was a grown man and wanted to make his own decisions and he wasn’t allowed to do that under the system that he was in. So that’s why I do feel like he will ultimately end up moving back because there will be some kind of compromise. It’s a business but it’s also a family and that’s weird. [He left] not even his family but all of his friends too. Everyone. He’s in a whole other country.”

[From Page Six]

“You have to work at it to maintain celebrity because the only way to monetize your celebrity is to maximize it and feed the machine.” This is straight out of the British media’s playbook, that Harry and Meghan are “nobodies” because they aren’t constantly going to LA parties or attending the opening of an envelope. Perez apparently doesn’t understand that the truly A-list celebrities have so much cachet when they aren’t being seen everywhere. And honestly, just in the past six months, they’ve had a hugely successful Netflix docuseries and the biggest bestseller of the year (so far). I will never understand this idea that H&M “need” to “go back” for their brand. Why, so they can be bossed around by Little Lord Incandescent With Rage? No.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Backgrid.