There isn’t a cry-laugh emoji big enough for this desperation. This past weekend, Prince Harry and Meghan were seen out and about at Beyonce concerts and soccer games, hanging out with their A-list friends, flaunting their Beygency protection, hobnobbing with billionaires and shaking their asses without a care in the world. Those photos and videos landed like a ton of bricks on William and Kate, who obsessively watch every single thing Harry and Meghan do and say. Will and Kate haven’t done jacksh-t all summer, and the only time they’ve been seen since Wimbledon, William was chauffeuring his rapist uncle around Balmoral. So of course, William officially came back to “work” today, the day Prince Harry arrives in England to attend the WellChild Awards.

William made a “surprise visit” to Pret A Manger in Bournemouth today. He made a big show of taking selfies with people, because he is truly Prince Peggington, Man of the People, The Other Brother Who Never Puts A Foot Wrong. The visit was done to highlight Pret A Manger’s existing program to employ homeless people and to ride on that outfit’s coattails. He also met with local leaders to talk about how they’re tackling homelessness. Then Prince Peggington, Man of the People, will go back to his palace and make some calls to the executives at the Duchy of Cornwall, the largest real estate holding company in the country, which William inherited.

The desperation is just… off the charts. King Charles should want the Sussexes to come back for no other reason than Harry and Meghan’s mere presence lights a competitive fire under Will and Kate’s lazy asses. It’s just… like, who the hell is advising William? “Yes, sir, brilliant plan, you absolutely need to go back to work after a two-month holiday on the day your brother flies in to attend his patronage!”

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red.