I’m patiently waiting for the stalkers at the Daily Mail to publish their exclusive timeline of Prince Harry’s arrival to the UK and a giant map of the path he will take to get to the WellChild Awards. There’s only one sort-of good thing about the attention Harry’s brief visit has gotten: it feels like it would be pretty hard for the Windsors to organize some kind of stunt to harm him. Like, this isn’t a quiet visit, Harry has deliberately told everyone where he’ll be and why he’s coming to London. I hate that I even have to worry, but the last time the people knew where the Sussexes would be, it was a huge catastrophe involving a “paparazzi swarm” and what felt like a paramilitary exercise designed to harm them.

So, fingers crossed that Harry is able to move around and attend the event with little to no drama. It’s actually a good thing that the British papers have no idea when he’s arriving or if he’s already in town. It shows that Harry is perfectly capable of going stealth-mode whenever he wants. It also shows that the Sussex team isn’t leaking. Speaking of, you know how TMZ reported that the Sussexes toured a six-acre lot in Malibu this past weekend? It was only a matter of hours before the British media had photos of the property. Which pretty much tells you that the Sussexes won’t move there. In case we needed it emphasized, Page Six got a denial from the Sussexes’ spokesperson?

The “Princess of Montecito” isn’t going anywhere. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle — who currently reside in a $14 million Montecito, Calif., mansion — are not planning to move to Malibu despite reports that they recently toured an $8 million plot of land, a rep for the pair tells Page Six exclusively.

“There is no truth to them moving to Malibu or anywhere,” the spokesperson said Tuesday, adding that the Sussexes were not even in the California beach town over the weekend.

Instead, the duke and duchess spent their weekend attending high-profile events in Los Angeles, which is about 29 miles east of Malibu.

[From Page Six]

Okay. So they’re not moving to Malibu, nor were they looking at Malibu properties. It’s very weird that TMZ got that story. It’s even weirder that the Sussexes were apparently in LA the whole weekend and no one has any idea where they were staying! As I said, stealth mode. I’m so happy that they’re able to travel and do whatever the hell they want.

Photos courtesy of Backgrid.