Shortly after George W. Bush won reelection in 2004, his advisor Karl Rove spoke to a reporter about the sort of alternate reality the administration believed in. Rove said, “We’re an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you’re studying that reality — judiciously, as you will — we’ll act again, creating other new realities…” The idea of “we create our own reality” has been an article of faith for the American fascists in the Republican party ever since. I bring this up because the British media believes the same thing. When something is happening that they don’t like, they simply create a different “reality” for their readers. Say, when the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are successful, instead of acknowledging those successes, the British media simply creates the narrative of “everyone hates them, the Sussexes are failing, they can’t do anything right.” Even when there’s empirical evidence of Harry and Meghan’s successes, you can find the British media executing their Alternate Reality strategy. No one seems to realize that information is global now? It’s weird.

All of which brings me to a lil’ column written by Camilla Tominey in the Telegraph. Tominey was the first person to falsely report on the Duchess of Cambridge’s “tears” at the bridesmaid’s dress fitting just before the Sussexes’ wedding. That’s who Tominey is, someone who gets leaks from Middleton Manor. In the face of the overwhelming success of Meghan’s Archetypes podcast, Tominey wrote a column called “The more Meghan Markle speaks, the less anyone wants to listen.” Archetypes was #1 in seven countries within 48 hours of the surprise release of the first episode.

If the Sussexes really wanted to be helpful, they would surely abandon Prince Harry’s autobiography and write a textbook on economics instead. In these testing times for household budgets, the couple could prove invaluable as the perfect case study for both the theory of inverse proportionality and the law of diminishing returns.

What better way to teach school children these most basic of mathematical principles than by studying the post-Megxit era?

Inverse proportionality might be defined by the dictionary as “related so that as one becomes larger the other becomes smaller”. But I think it is probably more easily explained by juxtaposing a graph showing the growing frequency with which Harry and Meghan have criticised the Royal family with their approval rating.

Look children, the more the couple have slagged off the Windsors, the less popular they have become!

Meghan’s latest podcast couldn’t be a better archetype, pardon the pun, of the law of diminishing returns, either. It is a theory in economics that predicts that, after some optimal level of capacity is reached, adding an additional factor of production will actually result in smaller increases in output.

But isn’t there a simpler way to put it? The more the Sussexes speak, the less likely we are to listen. That’s something even a primary pupil can understand.

I appreciate that there are a multi-million reasons why they keep on coming up with this stuff. Meghan’s 60-minute me-fest is currently top of the Spotify charts. But the trouble with word salad is that it does tend to give most people indigestion.

[From The Telegraph]

Keep in mind that Tominey is a regular on the British chat show circuit and a regular on week royal roundtable discussions, plus she obviously writes exclusively about the royals for the Telegraph. Her whole business model is talking about the royals and reporting on the royals and analyzing the royals. But for Meghan to… have a successful podcast, which is #1 in multiple countries, that’s suddenly a bridge too far for Tominey? “The more the couple have slagged off the Windsors, the less popular they have become!” – O RLY? Because I’m pretty sure that their Oprah interview was one of the most-watched interviews of the last decade. I’m pretty sure that Archetypes dethroning The Joe Rogan Experience is a big f–king deal. I’m pretty sure that Tominey wouldn’t be writing snitty little columns about Meghan unless the Royal Rota was completely terrified that the alternative reality they created and nurtured was coming crashing down on them.

Photos courtesy of Spotify, Instar.