Tuesday night, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex made a surprise appearance at the Bob Marley: One Love premiere in Jamaica. For hours, Sussex fans blissed out on the excellent vibes on social media, because the vile British media was fast asleep. As soon as the royal reporters woke up and saw the photos, the sh-tstorm commenced. Yesterday, I wrote about the Mail’s coverage, which was laugh-out-loud funny as they grew more and more outraged by how “insensitive” it was to pose for photos with the prime minister who fired William and Kate live on television. Well, it gets even better. The Mail’s Sarah Vine wrote a side-splittingly funny column about how Meghan and Harry should be stripped of their titles because they went to a premiere in Jamaica. For real. Vine is also incredibly bitter that the Sussexes did not issue a public statement about Charles and Kate’s health issues… and yet “royal sources” insisted days ago that H&M did get in touch privately, so who cares about a public statement? In any case, enjoy these completely unhinged highlights:

Vine is mad that Meghan isn’t ageing like milk: When I saw the pictures of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex at the premiere of the Bob Marley movie in Kingston, Jamaica, the first thing that sprang to mind was how thoroughly refreshed they both looked. Indeed, I had to do a double-take to make sure it really was the duchess that Prince Harry was escorting and not some dewy, doe-eyed lookalike. Perhaps it was just a trick of the light, but she certainly seems to have upped her skincare routine since we last saw her.

Vine is mad that Harry has the money to sue the Mail: The prince, meanwhile, looked remarkably unfurrowed for a man who looks likely to have to pay three quarters of a million pounds in legal costs accrued by his failed libel action against the Mail on Sunday. I don’t know what they put in the water out there in Montecito, but it’s definitely working.

No word in public about the king’s health!! All that gloss doesn’t hide the ugly fact that the pair – normally so vocal when it comes to informing the world of their heartfelt sentiments – have yet to say a single word in public on the subject of Harry’s father, the King, and his health issues. Given how much the Prince likes to use his platform for good, you might have thought he would have seized this opportunity to remind other men of the importance of getting their prostate checked. As for the duchess, normally such a strong advocate for women’s health, it does seem rather unsisterly not to wish the Princess of Wales a speedy recovery from her abdominal surgery.

Vine is mad about racism (no, not that way): But there is something else driving Jamaica’s disdain for the Crown: the perceived notion that the British Royal Family is inherently racist and the Duchess of Sussex was a victim of prejudice during her time at the Palace. This idea was, of course, vehemently denied while the Queen was still alive but recently resurrected by the Sussexes’ mouthpiece, Omid Scobie, in his most recent hagiography Endgame, in which he ‘accidentally’ named the alleged ‘royal racists’ as King Charles and the Princess of Wales.

The racism allegations! These allegations will no doubt have caused a great deal of distress to both the King and the Princess. Effectively being cancelled by your own son must take its toll on a man, and I can only imagine how stressful it must be for the Princess of Wales to not only have to pick up the slack left behind by the Duchess of Sussex’s departure but to have to do so with a smile on her face while being kicked repeatedly in the teeth by the latter’s cheerleaders.

The Sussexes are sending a message to the palace! By choosing to break cover in such vehemently anti-monarchist company, the Duke and Duchess appear to be sending a very clear signal to the Palace. It appears to me that they intend to use their royal connection to undermine both the individual reputations of members of the Royal Family and that of the institution as a whole. I hope that I am wrong. By casting themselves as refugees from a regressive and repressive regime, they are tapping into the divisive culture wars that dominate so much of our public debate these days and helping to fuel anti-royalist sentiment throughout the Commonwealth and elsewhere.

Strip them of their titles: The late Queen, who loved the Commonwealth and used her position to foster forgiveness and understanding, would be heartbroken. As for King Charles, I can see only one course of action: he should give them what they claim to want and set them free of their royal shackles by stripping them, finally, of all titles.

[From The Daily Mail]

LMAO. As I said, royal sources (the palace comms team) rushed out to tell the British press that Harry and Meghan had gotten in touch and sent, I don’t know, get-well-soon cards to Charles and Kate. That’s all they can really do, right? While the press absolutely wants Harry to rush back to the UK, that’s not actually what Charles or William want at all. Even though the left-behind Windsors are being crushed by the bright, hot spotlight they craved for decades, they still can’t admit that they were wrong to throw the Sussexes away. So what else can Harry and Meghan do but live their lives and thrive? Ah, therein lies the problem – it’s not that the Sussexes didn’t issue statements about anyone’s health, it’s that the Sussexes are thriving. The fact that they were so warmly received in a country which will soon toss out the British monarchy is just icing on the cake. Strip them of their titles, I say! And explain that it’s being done because Harry and Meghan went to a premiere!

Photos courtesy of Backgrid.