Actor Will Smith covers the latest issue of Esquire and opens up about family life with wife Jada Pinkett Smith and their two kids: Jaden, 16, and Willow, 14.

On Jaden’s wardrobe, which consists of one pair of shoes, three pairs of pants and five shirts: “He has refused to be a slave to money. I so respect that. The younger generation is less of an ownership generation, anyway. It’s such an interesting thing to watch, because I came from a middle-class background, but, you know, our lights and gas would be cut off from not paying the bill. I grew up in a house where you would need the kerosene heaters in the winter in case the bills didn’t get paid. And he’s from the complete other end of the spectrum. And it’s so interesting to me that from growing up in that space, he could see the need for things in a way that he’s rejecting. He’s like, ‘I’m not gonna let myself need things in that way.’ “

On what fatherhood has taught him: “My kids taught me to redefine love. Before 2010, I had a vision. I saw a family in my mind that I wanted to have. And I was pushing and driving hard for my picture, and then I realized everyone has their own journey. I have to support what they want to do. I have to support the vision that they have for themselves, not my vision. That was excruciating for me. That was excruciating because I’m military-minded. And to have to back up off of the masculine in that way, to have to embrace a more gentle, understanding, loving, and caring side—that was a tough transition for me.”

On his kids being “well-adjusted”: “With this generation of kids growing up, the technological battering is almost the norm. They generally avoid the stuff. They’re really well-adjusted around this business and understanding the nature of having to take a battering. It’s a brutal world out there for young people, for everybody. Willow had one moment. The Young Turks are Willow’s idol. They have a TV show online. They’re like a really powerful group of young writers, hosts, and political commentators. Willow loves the Young Turks, and that was the only moment I saw her cry. Other than that, she’s really well-adjusted with it. And Jaden understands that that’s a part of this business. If he wants to do it, there’s a certain amount of battery that you have to be willing to live through. We have a quote that I put up in the house from Pema Chödrön: “Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us.” We call it leaning into the sharp parts. Something hurts, lean in. You just lean into that point until it loses its power over you. There’s a certain amount of suffering that you have to be willing to sustain if you want to have a good life. And the trick is to be able to sustain it with your heart open and still be loving. That is the real trick.”

For more from Will, go to Esquire…

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