Fashionistas yell at me when I share my thoughts about Schiaparelli, but I can’t help myself: this stuff might be beautifully constructed, but the looks are always completely tragic and unflattering. I get why fashion girls wear Sciaparelli and why it must feel like you’re wearing a challenging piece of avant-garde art, but I’m simply too much of a traditionalist, I guess. Why would you wear some dumb sculptural piece which makes you look like an alien, when you could just wear some basic-bitch flattering gown?

Anyway, these are some photos from Monday’s Schiaparelli show during Paris Fashion Week. I was surprised to see two headliner celebrities attend the show: Zendaya and Jennifer Lopez. J.Lo is a traditionalist – she loves Valentino, Oscar de la Renta, Ralph Lauren, Versace. Why Schiaparelli? Why THOSE glasses? Why that hair??? Speaking of bad hair, check out Zendaya. When I use the phrase “bangs trauma,” this is what I’m talking about. I’m sure it’s a wig or hairpiece, but we’ve finally answered the question of “can Zendaya pull off any look?” No, she cannot. I’m also surprised to see her at this runway show, given the fact that she signed an exclusive contract with Louis Vuitton.

Bonus: Hunter Schafer got the best Schiaparelli, honestly. There’s like one good idea in a collection full of bullsh-t – the stand alone gilded lily, unattached to the dress. People would love to just buy that one piece and wear it as jewelry.

Photos courtesy of Backgrid.