There are few things funnier than a “royal expert” Britsplaining Americans and American customs to a British audience. I’ll never forget the royal experts fumbling to explain the importance of the Fourth of July to a British audience, not to mention their convoluted explanations for Thanksgiving. Well, Prince Harry and Meghan just spent their fifth Christmas in a row in Montecito (in 2019, they spent the holiday in Canada). They have not spent Christmas in the UK since 2018. The royal experts are at a loss to explain why Harry and Meghan are not desperate to follow German-Christmas rules whilst sleeping on lumpy cots in the servants’ quarters of Sandringham. So royal expert Ingrid Seward was called upon to Britsplain the oh-so-American Christmas customs Harry and Meghan might follow. Some highlights:

Sandringham is the golden ticket!! At a recent solo outing, Meghan touched on what Christmas would look like for the Sussexes, saying they would have a great meal and play games before hinting they would have a singalong with a guitar. And royal biographer Ingrid Seward says this couldn’t be more different for Harry who used to view Christmas at Sandringham as the “golden ticket”. She told the Mirror: “The present opening on Christmas Eve with his extended family and then church and traditional Christmas lunch the next day. Then the Boxing Day pheasant shoot and in between loads of party games and drinking.”

A happy-holidays tradition: “Since his marriage to Meghan in 2018, Harry has only had Christmas at Sandringham once in December the same year. Instead, he has embraced the traditions of the ‘happy holidays’ favoured by his adopted country. The only relative he has in California is his mother-in-law, Doria and according to Meghan, she will be have been with them at their Montecito home. They will have picked a tree from the rows upon rows of Christmas pines in one of the local stores. Their house will be decorated, and the yard (garden) strung with festive lights. The wealthy residents of Montecito hire interior designers to decorate their houses and trees to perfection.”

Meghan would never hire anyone to decorate for the holidays: “It would not look good if Meghan who publicises herself as the all-American homemaker was to hire someone to adorn their house and decorate their tree. She will have done it herself and made the gingerbread house as is traditional in America.”

Why King Charles didn’t invite the Sussexes: Ingrid added: “Back at Sandringham it will have been the traditional Christmas UK style that Harry knows so well. King Charles would have loved the opportunity to see his grandchildren Archie and Lilibet, but he knew inviting Harry and Meghan would have been awkward for the rest of the family. So, there was no official invitation.

The Sussexes were invited to Althorp though: “Harry and Meghan were invited for Christmas at Althorp with thrice-married Uncle Charles, now Earl Spencer, but have decided to stay in California. Meghan says it’s important for her that Archie and Lilibet can have ‘connective memories’ of Thanksgiving and Christmas at home and enjoy the traditions like putting out ‘carrots for the reindeer.’

[From The Daily Mirror]

C-Word is killing me: “It would not look good if Meghan who publicises herself as the all-American homemaker was to hire someone to adorn their house and decorate their tree.” Decorating the tree is one of the best moments of the holidays, why would Meghan and Harry outsource that? And does Seward imagine that the Windsors decorate their own trees? Please, of course not. Now, considering the size of the Sussexes’ enormous Montecito property, I bet they do hire professionals to put lights on their mansion and in their yard. Anyway, I’m sure the Sussexes had a lovely Christmas full of their new family traditions and I bet Meghan cooked and baked a lot throughout the week. Look at me, I can do the same thing as Seward: it is believed that Harry, following gauche American peasant traditions, played dress up as someone called ‘Santa Claus’ and gave ‘gifts’ to his children. It is understood that the Sussexes’ marriage is on its last leg because Meghan was seen kissing Santa underneath the mistletoe.

Photos courtesy of Cover Images, Netflix.