Amber Heard has written a Washington Post op-ed about domestic violence, Me Too, and the culture of victim-shaming and victim-blaming that happens when women do come forward to tell their stories. Amber was abused by Johnny Depp before and during their marriage. I now believe that Amber’s “second thoughts” about marrying Depp were because she had already seen behind the mask and he had already shown her his violent side. But she did what so many women do: she believed he would change, she believed that it was just that one time, that he would never hurt her again. I always think about this too: Amber tried to settle their divorce quietly, without going public about the abuse, and he refused and started smearing her in the press. Then when she talked about the abuse, the smear campaign went into overdrive. You can read Amber’s full WaPo op-ed here, and here are some highlights:

Like many women, I had been harassed and sexually assaulted by the time I was of college age. But I kept quiet — I did not expect filing complaints to bring justice. And I didn’t see myself as a victim. Then two years ago, I became a public figure representing domestic abuse, and I felt the full force of our culture’s wrath for women who speak out.

Friends and advisers told me I would never again work as an actress — that I would be blacklisted. A movie I was attached to recast my role. I had just shot a two-year campaign as the face of a global fashion brand, and the company dropped me. Questions arose as to whether I would be able to keep my role of Mera in the movies “Justice League” and “Aquaman.” I had the rare vantage point of seeing, in real time, how institutions protect men accused of abuse.

Imagine a powerful man as a ship, like the Titanic. That ship is a huge enterprise. When it strikes an iceberg, there are a lot of people on board desperate to patch up holes — not because they believe in or even care about the ship, but because their own fates depend on the enterprise.

In recent years, the #MeToo movement has taught us about how power like this works, not just in Hollywood but in all kinds of institutions — workplaces, places of worship or simply in particular communities. In every walk of life, women are confronting these men who are buoyed by social, economic and cultural power. And these institutions are beginning to change.

We are in a transformative political moment. The president of our country has been accused by more than a dozen women of sexual misconduct, including assault and harassment. Outrage over his statements and behavior has energized a female-led opposition. #MeToo started a conversation about just how profoundly sexual violence affects women in every area of our lives. And last month, more women were elected to Congress than ever in our history, with a mandate to take women’s issues seriously. Women’s rage and determination to end sexual violence are turning into a political force.

….I write this as a woman who had to change my phone number weekly because I was getting death threats. For months, I rarely left my apartment, and when I did, I was pursued by camera drones and photographers on foot, on motorcycles and in cars. Tabloid outlets that posted pictures of me spun them in a negative light. I felt as though I was on trial in the court of public opinion — and my life and livelihood depended on myriad judgments far beyond my control. I want to ensure that women who come forward to talk about violence receive more support. We are electing representatives who know how deeply we care about these issues. We can work together to demand changes to laws and rules and social norms — and to right the imbalances that have shaped our lives.

[From The Washington Post]

I appreciate how she takes her own story and puts into context of how institutional male privilege and institutional sexism/misogyny work. Amber lost work because she accused her powerful husband of physically and emotionally abusing her. Amber lost friends, she lost her reputation as a professional, she lost money and she lost time. She’s right – there absolutely should be more institutional support for victims of abuse, assault and harassment.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Mayim Bialik is a mixed bag. Sometimes she can come across so judgmental but other times, she can be quite relatable. In her latest blog post to her website, Grok Nation, she writes about something many of us have experienced: being alone at the holidays and wishing she wasn’t. Last month, when Mayim was talking about her unconventional Thanksgiving with her ex and his new girlfriend, she mentioned briefly that she was “now single.” I didn’t pay much attention to that comment when I read it because I hadn’t realized she’d been in a relationship. Apparently she’d been with someone for the last five years. But it ended sometime before Thanksgiving and now Mayim is facing the holidays alone.

This is the point in my life where I write about losing love. It’s the point where I second guess myself with every single touch of the keyboard. It’s also the point where I realize how powerful the relationship I have with everyone who comes to my website is.

You don’t get to know all of the details, and it won’t be featured on the cover (or even in the pages of) a tabloid magazine. My love story is nothing particularly exceptional. I mean, he was—er, is. I was an exceptional iteration of myself with him. For five years in fact. And now it’s over.

If ever there were a story that should have ended not like this, I feel this might be it. But he has his own will and much as I wish I could control his will, I cannot. And so here we are.

There is rarely good timing for a break up. But most certainly, the worst time is now. In case he is reading this, I’m just meh with this timing. Because say what you will, the holidays are a time to not be recently broken up. I know this much is true. The air is full of clarity and possibility.

Cheer abounds and people seem friendlier (except for that guy who called me “f—ing stupid” in front of my 10-year-old for walking too slow at the mall). Commercials tell me this is the time of year to buy the woman you love expensive jewelry. It’s also when people get proposed to. And I would be lying if I said it didn’t enter my mind that this holiday season might hold a promise of a secure future for me.

[From Grok Nation]

Mayim’s discussed her depression before. The holidays can be a struggle for those suffering from depression even without the added sadness of a lost love. It sounds like not only did she not end the relationship, she doesn’t think it should have ended. I’ve been there and yes, that’s rough. Mayim doesn’t celebrate Christmas but she used to with her former in-laws and she advocates for participating in the celebration without ignoring your personal faith. She’s also written of her joy of holiday lights. Not to mention that it’s not just the winter holidays she celebrates, her birthday is December 12.

Later in her post, she gives a few tips on how to deal with the pain of being alone over the holidays, in which she advocates for exercise, leaving your phone home, no sad music, knowing your limits and finding perspective. Her advice is pretty good and she also suggests reaching out to a professional if needed. Except for the sad music bit, I get her point. It’s not great to wallow, but sometimes I really need a good old-fashioned cry. When my dog died, I practically drowned myself in XTC and Depeche Mode. And gawd forbid I ever need it again, but Barry Manilow’s Weekend in New England is my go-to breakup song. Oh yea, I go there with heartbreak.

View this post on Instagram

43. In a prime year. #math ?? ?

A post shared by mayim bialik (@missmayim) on Dec 13, 2018 at 9:50am PST

Photo credit: WENN Photos and Instagram

Dear Gossips,

There’s a lot to unpack in Emily Blunt and John Krasinski’s joint interview with The Hollywood Reporter, beyond the fact that they are irresistibly ADORABLE together. And that shot of them where they’re walking on a rooftop somewhere in New York, his arm around her neck, and she’s i…

Penny Marshall belonged to a different era of Hollywood, an era where a working class girl could find her way to sitcom stardom, then transition into one of the most successful directing careers in history. Penny passed away yesterday at the age of 75. She was survived by her daughter Tracy Reiner (the product of Penny’s marriage to Rob “Meathead” Reiner), her three grandchildren and her sister Ronny.

I was too young for Laverne & Shirley, but my mom loved that show (and I suspect your mom did too!). I grew up knowing the name “Penny Marshall” because of her directing credentials. Big was a huge deal to me when I was a kid, and I didn’t know that Big was the first time a female-directed movie broke the $100 million box office. Penny broke $100 million again with A League of Their Own, which was another “big deal” movie for my generation. I’ve seen Big and A League of Their Own maybe 100 times (each). She also directed Jumpin’ Jack Flash (with an African-American woman lead!), Awakenings (which included two of the career-best performances from Robin Williams and Robert De Niro), and The Preacher’s Wife, among others.

Penny was utterly beloved throughout Hollywood and tributes for her poured out on social media and beyond:

I loved Penny. I grew up with her. She was born with a great gift. She was born with a funnybone and the instinct of how to use it. I was very lucky to have lived with her and her funnybone. I will miss her.

— Rob Reiner (@robreiner) December 18, 2018

Penny Marshall &I made Jumping Jack Flash together & the 1st film she directed & the second film i was ever in.We laughed, we yelled & for her i was a little black woman in a big silver box”being dragged thru the streets of LA. My condolences to Tracy &family RIP Penny Marshall

— Whoopi Goldberg (@WhoopiGoldberg) December 19, 2018

So sorry to hear about Penny Marshall. I have great memories of attending many of her birthday parties with Carrie Fisher in the early days… and she came to so many of my concerts. May she rest in peace.

— Barbra Streisand (@BarbraStreisand) December 19, 2018

R.I.P. to my good friend Penny Marshall. An Icon to the world but a good friend to me. #Icon #Legend #Friendship pic.twitter.com/1vRW6mbCcx

— Dennis Rodman (@dennisrodman) December 18, 2018

Goodbye, Penny. Man, did we laugh a lot! Wish we still could. Love you. Hanx.

— Tom Hanks (@tomhanks) December 18, 2018

RIP Penny Marshall. Thanks for the great movies and giving us one of the greatest scenes in movie history pic.twitter.com/POnuYQlHWK

— Shooter McGavin (@ShooterMcGavin_) December 19, 2018

Photos courtesy of WENN, Avalon Red.

Here are some photos of Royals In Cars, which should be more of a thing. Today is the annual Buckingham Palace Christmas luncheon, where the Queen invites all of her relations for a low-key family meal before she travels to Sandringham for the holidays. There is limited space at Sandringham, so only immediate family members go to Norfolk for Christmas, and this Buckingham Palace luncheon is a way for the Queen to invite some of the lesser royals to some kind of group activity.

The British papers are making a big deal about how the Duchess of Cambridge and Duchess of Sussex are both at the luncheon, like maybe there will be a big, violent catfight over ham and fruitcake. Doubtful. While I think it’s clear that Meghan and Kate are not BFFs, they’ll both be on good behavior today. I personally think the bigger drama will be between William, Harry and Charles.

Meghan seemed to wear something black and conservative for the lunch, while Kate chose something in a Pepto pink shade with a pussybow. Prince George, Princess Charlotte and Nanny Maria were in the Cambridge car too. Are the kids already out of school? I suspect the Cambridges will be heading to Anmer Hall today or tomorrow. Princess Michael of Kent was also in attendance – last year, she wore a racist blackamoor brooch, but she doesn’t seem to be wearing any racist jewelry this year. We’ll see.

Embed from Getty Images

Embed from Getty Images

Photos courtesy of WENN, Getty.

Thomas Markle continued to wage his campaign to shame, harass and embarrass his daughter this week. Toxic Thomas gave an interview to Piers Morgan on Good Morning Britain on Monday, even though Piers Morgan has been waging his own personal smear campaign against the Duchess of Sussex for months now. It’s been clear for months that Thomas doesn’t actually care if he’s hurting his daughter, nor does it matter to him that every time he opens his mouth, he proves her right for cutting off contact. What strikes me is this: say Meghan *did* contact Thomas… what would happen next? He would run to Piers Morgan, the Daily Mail and The Sun and sell all of the details about their conversation ten times over. And then the conversation would be “why was Meghan so dumb, why did she speak to her father knowing he would sell her out?” My point is that she can’t win. But that won’t stop stuffy courtiers from suggesting that she desperately needs to contact her abusive relations:

In a heart-wrenching interview this week, Thomas Markle claimed his daughter Meghan hasn’t spoken to him for months. Now, Prince Charles’ biographer, Robert Jobson, believes the Duchess of Sussex is “playing a dangerous game” and thinks Meghan should make attempts to reach out to her father.

Robert Jobson – author of Charles at Seventy: Thoughts, Hopes and Dreams – thinks Meghan will “regret not making contact”.

“I believe Meghan is playing a dangerous game,” he told the Express. “When you still have both parents alive you have no idea what it will be like living without one or both of them. He is not in the best of health and I would urge Meghan to make contact with him and to try and build bridges…Once he is gone, any tears that will flow will be seen as crocodile tears. She will regret not making contact if something happens to him.”

[From The Sun]

Many believe that Jobson was the OG leaker of the ongoing smear campaign against Meghan, that Jobson sold or gave some information about Meghan to other outlets and journalists which he didn’t use in his Prince Charles biography. I think that’s partly true, although I’ve thought for some time that the smear campaign was a confluence of several different agendas coming together, from Charles wanting to look like the only one who could bring together his family and “save the day,” to William and Kate being especially nervous about Meghan and Harry’s popularity, to the stuffy palace courtiers being completely triggered by Meghan’s American-ness and work ethic. What’s my point? I think Jobson is full of sh-t and I don’t believe that he’s even acting as a mouthpiece for Prince Charles right now. I think he’s just an old dude who doesn’t understand that women have the right to cut toxic men out of their lives.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red and Backgrid.

2018 has been so long and so awful. It feels strange that we’re not still talking about Brett Kavanaugh, because his nomination to the Supreme Court was THE moment that broke so many of us. Kavanaugh is a sexual assailant, a drunken buffoon, a liar, and a financially compromised piece of sh-t. And he’s on the Supreme Court now, because Mitch McConnell is the devil. In the wake of the successful Kavanaugh nomination, dozens of complaints were lodged against Kavanaugh to a federal judicial council tasked with monitoring and investigating federal judges. Only the watchdog judges had to dismiss all of the complaints because…Kavanaugh was successfully voted onto SCOTUS.

Federal judges reviewing complaints lodged against Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh said Tuesday that the allegations against the former federal appeals court judge are “serious” but that they must dismiss them without determining their merits because of Kavanaugh’s October confirmation by the U.S. Senate. Timothy Tymkovich, the Chief Circuit Judge for the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Tenth Circuit, wrote in an order that “the complaints must be dismissed because an intervening event — Justice Kavanaugh’s confirmation to the Supreme Court — has made the complaints no longer appropriate for consideration under the [Judicial Conduct and Disability Act].”

The decision was widely expected. The Judicial Conduct and Disability Act outlines procedures for filing complaints against federal judges, but the 1980 law does not cover Supreme Court justices. In the order, Tymkovich said that most of the complaints include allegations of false statements under oath during Kavanaugh’s D.C. Circuit confirmation hearings in 2004 and 2006 as well as during his Supreme Court confirmation hearings earlier this year. Kavanaugh, President Donald Trump’s second nominee to the top court, was accused of sexual misconduct before he was confirmed. He emphatically denied the allegations.

Tymkovich disclosed copies of the complaints with identifying information redacted on the 10th Circuit’s website. They included allegations that Kavanaugh “falsely testified about his personal conduct, behavior, and recollection of events” prior to joining the federal judiciary and that he “displayed partisan bias and lack of judicial temperament.”

[From CNBC]

Brett Kavanaugh is now the most compromised and least respected person on the Supreme Court, having taken over that position from Clarence Thomas. Like, I’ve always thought Clarence Thomas was and is a f–king joke. He rarely authors any opinion, his votes were almost always tied to Scalia, and he has no constituency within (or outside of) the court. There aren’t lawyers sitting around, defending Thomas’s legal decisions. Kavanaugh will be like that, only worse. His confirmation was the biggest travesty the court has seen since Thomas, and I don’t care – we eventually need to find a way to get this motherf–ker off the court.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red.

Weeks ago, we talked about the problematic Christmas song “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” and how it’s being banned from some radio stations during this Christmas season. Can we all agree that lyrically, this song is a mess and it belongs to a different time? We probably can’t agree on that, actually. I was surprised by the strong reactions for and against the song on this blog and elsewhere. But it’s a big conversation this holiday season – should the song be banned from radio? Are people overreacting to a song? Should crotchety older ladies come out and tell us that if we ban the song, we’re banning old-fashioned seduction? That’s what happened – Joan Collins has surprisingly strong feelings about “Baby It’s Cold Outside.”

Joan Collins doesn’t agree with people who find popular Christmas song “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” controversial. The 85-year-old actress appeared on Good Morning Britain on Monday where she commented on the recent controversy surrounding the classic tune.

“What’s going to happen to seduction is you are not going to be allowed anymore,” Jones said, according to ITV. “Is someone going to have to ask permission of the parents before they can kiss a girl? It’s absolutely becoming out of control. It seems to have happened in the last two years. It seems to get worse and worse.”

Over the last several years, and particularly in the era of the #MeToo movement, many have called the song “date-rapey” in reference to the lyrics “Say, what’s in this drink?” The song details a back-and-forth, traditionally between a man and a woman, where the man tries to convince a woman to stay the night despite her continued protests, saying, “The answer is no.”

But Collins says she sees it as a “sweet” song. “It’s gentle, kind, funny, tuneful. How dare they,” the actress added.

Radio stations in Cleveland and Denver have banned the song for the holiday season. In Canada, CBC Radio announced last week that it would join two other broadcasters in the country — Rogers Media and Bell Media — in keeping the song off their holiday playlists. Despite the bans, several versions of the song surged in sales and streaming and continued to draw airplay on the radio in the latest tracking week, according to Nielsen Music.

[From People]

“Is someone going to have to ask permission of the parents before they can kiss a girl?” Do people realize that you SHOULD ask for permission/consent before you do anything to anyone? It’s not about asking the parents – it’s about asking “are you into this?” and RESPECTING THE ANSWER. If he or she says “no” – which the woman in the song says in a million different ways – then that should be respected. Seduction and consent are not mutually exclusive, and seduction isn’t some kind of coded word for rape, assault or non-consensual whatever.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Bethenny Frankel had to be hospitalized for two days after having an allergic reaction to fish in a soup she was eating. She has a non-shellfish fish allergy, which can be hard to avoid as fish is often a hidden ingredient. She tweeted that emergency services and 911 saved her and that her blood pressure was dangerously low.

I have rare fish allergy. Sun,I had soup,itched & was unconscious for 15 mins then to ER & ICU for 2 days w BP of 60/40.I couldn’t talk,see, thought I had a stroke & dying & told if 5 mins later I’d be dead. 911 & EPI saved me.I’ll never not carry an #epipen @newtonwellesley xo

— Bethenny Frankel (@Bethenny) December 18, 2018

That’s so scary and I’m glad she’s ok now. Apparently her new boyfriend, Paul Bernon, saved her life. He’s a film producer and real estate developer. Thank goodness he was with her at the time. Bethenny knew that she was allergic to fish as she had an earlier reaction during a trip to Cartagena, Colombia that was aired on the last season of Real Housewives of NY.

I’m not allergic to anything that I know of, but I’m so afraid of something like this happening to me or a loved one that I keep an Epipen in my purse and at home. You hear so many stories about random allergies, even to things people used to not be allergic to. Have you heard about people becoming allergic to red meat after getting bit by a tick? Thank goodness Bethenny had an Epipen and was able to get medical attention right away.

I use the word Epipen like I might write “Kleenex,” but due to price gouging the original Epipen is prohibitively expensive. There’s an alternative generic version called Adrenaclick that is $110 for a two pack at CVS. Here is a link to a legitimate $25 off coupon from the manufacturer. (I got the link from Consumer Reports, it used to be $100 off but that coupon is expired.)

Bethenny promises that she’s going to work to bring Epipens (hopefully their generic equivalent) to schools. Of course she’s responding to an a-hole who is complaining about life saving opiate overdose treatment, Narcan, being free. (It’s only free through community outreach programs or if your insurance covers it, and apparently this was a meme that deplorables were posting. It’s $100 at CVS, even if you don’t have insurance or a prescription.)

I am all over this. I’ve heard about it and this will be a mission of mine. https://t.co/vWLQIvlNAT

— Bethenny Frankel (@Bethenny) December 18, 2018

F-k this person complaining about saving people’s lives like we can only afford to save people from allergies but not overdoses. I hate this disgusting idea that some lives are more valuable and worth saving. It’s a good thing to bring Narcan AND Adrenaclick to communities that could benefit from them. It’s a real commentary on the state of US healthcare that reality stars have to do this type of work instead of it being the standard. Bethenny helped in Puerto Rico after the deadly hurricanes, when the US government failed them too.

I know her tree is tacky but I kind of love it. I used to have one of those 50s silver trees and it was so much fun.

View this post on Instagram

It’s beginning to look a lot like bubble gum…..

A post shared by Bethenny Frankel (@bethennyfrankel) on Dec 2, 2018 at 11:43am PST

photos credit: WENN and via Instagram

Monday was Brad Pitt’s 55th birthday. He spent the day in LA, and after his birthday, he made sure that various outlets got the “tip” that he had spent his birthday with his kids, minus Maddox. Even though Brad and Angelina have signed onto a more permanent custodial structure, check out how these “sources” even admit that Brad can’t see his kids on his birthday without being monitored:

Brad Pitt had a family-filled 55th birthday! A source told Us Weekly that the Fury actor was joined by five of his kids in L.A. on Monday, December 17.

“Brad had the kids overnight — all but [eldest] Maddox — which was incredibly significant because it was the first time since the custody deal was recently reached,” the source dished.

“The overnight was monitored as part of the custody agreement, as Brad’s visits with the children have been since this slog began two years ago” the insider added of the conditions negotiated between Pitt and his estranged wife, Angelina Jolie. “The kids have a routine at Brad’s house, with a very strict bedtime and limited screen time, including iPads.”

“The visits will continue to be monitored, including the overnights until the therapists agree that it’s no longer needed,” the source told Us. “This is a transition time for the entire family, and it’s being done with a lot of input from the therapists.”

As for how the Fight Club actor is handling the strict terms of the custody agreement, the source noted that he “knows he is on the path to having the kids back in his life in a much more meaningful and significant way.”

[From Us Weekly]

This was the first time Brad has had the kids overnight since the custody deal was reached…like, a month ago? So much for “Brad got what he wanted” and “he has close to 50% custody.” Also: he’s still being monitored, even on his birthday. And it’s what the therapists recommend. And he considers the last two-plus years a “slog” because Mean Villainess Angelina overreacted so badly to…*checks notes* Brad getting physical with Maddox, who still refuses to see him. Happy birthday, Brad. Ugh.

Also: the British tabloids have picked up this story about Pax wishing “stud” Brad a happy birthday on Instagram. I really do not believe that is Pax’s real Instagram account though. I wouldn’t be surprised if the older kids have IGs, but I bet they’re all set to “private.”

Photos courtesy of WENN.