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Kim Zolciak and Kroy Biermann’s gold leafed love story is coming to a close. Or rather, Kim is slamming that book shut and tossing it in a drawer before the feds can find it. Kim and Kroy have been married for almost 12 years. During that time, they have inundated us with their over-the-top lifestyle on their reality show, Don’t Be Tardy, selfies with them hanging all over each other and protestations that they are totally in lust with each other, dammit. And now we find out that maybe their union wasn’t as rock solid as Kroy’s impressive biceps? Color me shocked.

Kim Zolciak-Biermann and Kroy Biermann’s marriage is reportedly over.

The Bravo stars called it quits after nearly 12 years of marriage, according to TMZ.

The pair’s date of separation has been listed as April 30, per court documents obtained by TMZ. In the filing, The Real Housewives of Atlanta star described her marriage as “irretrievably broken with no hope of reconciliation.” Zolciak-Biermann is seeking primary physical custody of their children and joint legal custody; she has also asked for spousal support and the restoration of her maiden name.

Zolciak-Biermann previously denied reports of trouble in her marriage with Biermann in 2016 when rumors of friction surfaced after the now-retired NFL player was cut from the Buffalo Bills.

“These f—ing idiots that write this s— in the tabloids, all for clicks on your website,” she said at the time. “You say that Kroy and I are ‘at war’ because he’s home with me so much? Newsflash, a–holes: He played for the Atlanta Falcons for eight years so he’s always been f—ing home! Yahoo!”

She added, “On a more serious note, I really don’t appreciate people talking s— – especially s— that’s not true because I have the most incredible husband in the world.”

Zolciak-Biermann even said she was “married to the king,” also calling Biermann “the most incredible human that’s ever walked this planet.”

[From People]

Even though Kim filed because her marriage was, “irretrievably broken with no hope of reconciliation,” Hollywood Life reported that the couple is still living in that big ol’ Atlanta manse they’re clinging on to by claw or by crook. There’s plenty of room, I’m sure they just pick a room and shout MINE! Plus, they probably had to sell off all their belongings to keep the house, so there’s nothing to throw at each other.

This is about money, too. Kim’s filing is very specific. She filed on May 1 and cited April 30th as their separation date. Guess what else got filed on May 1? A $1.1 million tax bill the couple owes to the IRS. The IRS doesn’t care if you’re a Bravolebrity, just ask Al Capone. So even though Kim and Kroy pulled some grift to get their mansion off the auction block, they aren’t dancing around that tax bill. And that isn’t the end of their issues. They owe the state of Georgia $15,000 as well. Apparently Kroy was the family’s manager. So with Kim’s filing dates, it looks like she’s trying to legally maneuver herself away from some of the fiscal responsibility. But Kroy’s petition just dropped and his said that Kim “must maintain all financial documents… including all income records, tax records, expense records and more.” So they are blaming each other. Plus they both want sole physical custody of their minor kids, they have Brielle, 26, Ariana, 21, Kroy, 11, Kade, 10 and twins Kaia and Kane, nine. Kim wants joint legal custody and Kroy wants sole legal custody. This is getting messy fast.

Kroy hasn’t been scrubbed from Kim’s Instagram… yet

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In 2019, E. Jean Carroll covered an issue of New York Magazine to promote and excerpt a book she had written. In the book, she described at least two sexual assaults, one by Les Moonves (then head of CBS) and one by Donald Trump. Carroll described being raped by Trump in the dressing room of Bergdorf Goodman in the 1990s. At the time, she told friends what had happened but she didn’t go to the police or even to Bergdorf’s security. Even then, she knew that Trump would try to bury her. In 2019, Trump dismissed Carroll’s claim the same way he dismissed so many of the other women he preyed on, assaulted, raped and harassed: he called Carroll a liar and said she wasn’t attractive enough to be assaulted, and she wasn’t “his type.” Well, Carroll sued him in civil court for assault, rape and defamation after that. The civil trial had been happening for weeks, and the case went to the jury on Tuesday. It only took the jury three hours to come back with a unanimous verdict: Trump is liable for sexual abuse and defamation.

A Manhattan jury on Tuesday found former President Donald J. Trump liable for the sexual abuse and defamation of the magazine writer E. Jean Carroll and awarded her $5 million in damages in a widely watched civil trial that sought to apply the accountability of the #MeToo era to a dominant political figure.

The federal jury of six men and three women found that Mr. Trump, 76, defamed Ms. Carroll when he posted a statement on his Truth Social website in October, calling her case “a complete con job” and “a Hoax and a lie.”

The jury, in returning its verdict shortly after 3 p.m. said Ms. Carroll had not proved, by a preponderance of the evidence, that Mr. Trump had raped her, as she had long claimed.

Ms. Carroll sued the former president last year, accusing him of shoving her against a wall and raping her in a dressing room the luxury department store Bergdorf Goodman in Manhattan, in the mid 1990s.

Although more than a dozen women have accused Mr. Trump of sexual misconduct over the years, allegations he has always denied, Ms. Carroll’s case is the first of those claims to be successfully tested before a jury.

The jury also found that Ms. Carroll had proved that she was injured as a result of Trump’s publication of his denial of her accusations on his Truth Social account in October 2022. The jury determined that Ms. Carroll had proved, by clear and convincing evidence, that Mr. Trump knew his statement was false when he said her accusation was a hoax, a legal standard known as “actual malice.”

[From The New York Times]

One grotesque part of this trial was the introduction of Trump’s filmed deposition, where he mistook a photo of Carroll from the 1990s as Marla Maples, proving that Carroll actually was his type (blonde, beautiful, leggy). In another part of his deposition, he was asked about the Access Hollywood tape, where Trump told Billy Bush: “When you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything, grab them by the p-ssy. You can do anything.” When Trump was asked if that was what he said, Trump replied: “Well, historically, that’s true with stars. If you look over the last million years, I guess that’s been largely true. Unfortunately or fortunately.” Unfortunately or fortunately.

Anyway, I’m extremely proud of E. Jean Carroll and I hope she’s safe and secure. I hope she’s surrounded by friends and family and that she’s protecting herself. She knew that suing Trump would be a long, arduous process and it was, but she stuck with it and found a sliver of justice. It’s not even close to “enough,” but it’s something.

Photos courtesy of Backgrid, Cover Images.

Didn’t you think that the Prince and Princess of Wales would need a month-long holiday to recover from their exhausting coronation schedule? They had to work five days in a row! Well, make that SIX days in a row. Seriously, Peg and Buttons are working themselves to the bone this month. I can only imagine how many separate “events” will be counted in this work blitz. In any case, on the sixth day of keenery, my keen love gave to me: a pussybow at a palace garden party! On Tuesday, William, Kate and the Edinburghs hosted a garden party in sunny weather at Buckingham Palace.

Kate and Sophie both repeated blue dresses which they had previously worn at Royal Ascot (on different years). I remember Kate’s Elie Saab look from 2019 – I called it Edwardian cosplay at the time, and I can’t say that I like it more after four years. It is just so fussy, the combination of the high neckline with the bow, plus the lace and the tea-length skirt. It’s too pinched – one of those details needed to be edited out, probably the bow. Of course, Kate looks positively modern (for the early 20th century) compared to Sophie’s deeply unflattering ruffled catastrophe. I remember this look too – she just wore it at Ascot last year, and I still haven’t found a designer ID for it. No designer wants to claim it.

Since there’s nothing else to talk about, let’s keep talking about Kate’s style. She didn’t even bother styling the Elie Saab differently this time around – she literally pulled out the same pair of Gianvito Rossi pumps in silver, with the same Philip Treacy hat from her 2019 Ascot appearance too. I double-checked the 2019 photos – she’s even carrying the same Elie Saab clutch!! The only difference: the earrings. In 2019, she wore aquamarine-and-diamond drop earrings (which looked much better with the dress). On Tuesday, she wore blue topaz hoop earrings by Kiki McDonough. Who convinced her that a pale blue dress (with sparkles) needed matching silver accessories?

Also, why is Kate repeating an Elie Saab dress at the palace? I thought royals were only supposed to wear BRITISH LABELS. What’s that? Oh, I’m being told that rule only applies to Prince Harry.

Photos courtesy of Backgrid.

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Simone Biles and Jonathan Owens had their big wedding in Cabo San Lucas over the weekend. We were treated to a few photos then, as well as a peek into her dress fitting, but now we get the full effect. Simone shared a lot of great photos and details with Vogue Weddings. It looks like they had the best time!

Simone Biles wasn’t content with just one wedding dress, so she opted for four during her destination wedding to husband Jonathan Owens.

The Olympic gymnast, 26, wed the football player for a second time in Cabo San Lucas last weekend.

Biles kicked off her wedding celebrations in at her rehearsal in a Galia Lahav JILL mini. The flirty mini dress had spaghetti straps, an asymmetrical hemline and beaded fringe, which made it the perfect dress for dancing.

For her wedding ceremony on May 6, she wore a custom Galia Lahav GIMAYA dress that she added a slit to. She told Vogue that she wanted to appear taller, and the slit was the perfect way to do that.

For her reception, Biles changed into yet another Galia Lahav dress, this one a custom MAYA. The body-hugging dress featured sheer panels to bring a little more sexiness to her evening.

She wrapped up her night with a party dress fit for dancing. She wore a custom Galia Lahav G-502 that was covered in sparkles and caught the light with every move.

The four-dress rotation was no surprise for Biles’ fans and followers, given that she revealed the big news on Instagram a couple of weeks ago during a Q&A. At the time, someone asked how many dresses she planned to wear for her big day, and she dropped the “dramatic” news that she picked up four of them.

[From People]

Vogue Weddings has the full spread, with pictures of the getting ready process, ceremony, and reception. As we know, Simone’s ceremony dress was a custom Galia Lahav ballgown. Actually all Simone’s looks were by the designer — her sequined rehearsal dinner minidress, her ceremony gown, her reception dress, and party dress. (I didn’t realize she was counting the rehearsal dinner dress as one of the four dresses). Her reception dress was similar to her ceremony dress with the flowers and lace, but was form-fitting and probably easier to move in. I can’t find any photos of Simone’s fourth dress though! Nobu made the main cake, which was red velvet. And Jonathan also requested an ice cream cake (as would I), which was from Dairy Queen. They had a beautiful wedding and it looked like a lot of fun AND they had ice cream cake. Honestly, sounds perfect.

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Robert DeNiro split from his second wife, Grace Hightower, in 2018. They had a messy divorce and they fought over money, although most of the mess wasn’t tabloid fodder. I always assumed that was because DeNiro was and is so beloved by his peers and by all of New York – like, the New York tabloid media doesn’t even want to cover some more gossip-worthy aspects of DeNiro’s life. Which probably explains the distinct lack of reporting around DeNiro’s relationship with Tiffany Chen, whom he met in 2015 and apparently started “dating” when he was still married to Grace Hightower. Chen was seen months ago with what looked like a baby bump. Now DeNiro has confirmed that he welcomed his seventh child at the age of 79.

For Robert De Niro’s upcoming movie “About My Father,” ET Canada sat down with the legendary actor to chat about fatherhood. When asked what his love language is, the famous father, 79, told ET Canada’s Brittnee Blair that he believes “in being loving with [his] kids,” despite sometimes having “to be stern about stuff.”

“I mean, there’s no way around it with kids. I don’t like to have to lay down the law and stuff like that. But, [sometimes] you just have no choice,” he explained. “And any parent, I think, would say the same thing. You always want to do the right thing by the children and give them the benefit of the doubt but sometimes you can’t.”

Then, when Blair said, “I know you have six kids,” De Niro corrected her, saying, “Seven, actually.”

“I just had a baby,” he revealed.

[From ET Canada]

DeNiro’s reps confirmed to the AP that he had welcomed his seventh child. His other kids include: “Drena, 51, and Raphael, 46, from his first marriage; and twins, Julian and Aaron, 27; Elliot, 24; and Helen Grace, 11, from his second marriage.” On a red carpet last night, DeNiro also said that the pregnancy was “planned.” I would assume that means that his girlfriend wanted a baby and he was like “sure.” Yeah. I believe in reproductive freedom and everyone making their own choices about when to have babies or whether to have babies, but good lord – a newborn at the age of 79? A 51-year age difference between his oldest and his youngest? This is some Biblical sh-t.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red.

Tom Hiddleston & Mark Hamill will pair up in the adaptation of Stephen King’s The Life of Chuck. Hiddles plus Luke Skywalker?!? [JustJared]
Taylor Swift’s clique has embraced Matt Healy. [LaineyGossip]
Shemar Moore called out CBS for canceling SWAT. [Dlisted]
After which, CBS suddenly found the money to give SWAT another season. [Seriously OMG]
Seriously, this season of Ted Lasso is so bad. [Pajiba]
Tiger Woods really treats women like crap. [Jezebel]
I will throw up if you make me describe this TikTok trend. [Starcasm]
Oscar-winner Michelle Yeoh looks amazing. [GFY]
Funny “coming to America” stories. [Buzzfeed]
Big love to the Turkish LGBT community, your leader is a nutcase. [Towleroad]
I love Sandra Oh but these bangs are not good. [RCFA]

So, I don’t know how long it takes to drive from Westminster Abbey to Heathrow, but I imagine the journey would be a lot quicker if you were being driven by a professional driver/security guard and most of the streets had been cleared because of a coronation. All I know is that the British media tracked Prince Harry’s every move in the UK for all “28 hours,” and that man left the Abbey quickly and made it to Heathrow in time to catch a 3:45 pm flight. According to the Telegraph, Harry did not go straight to the Heathrow though – their sources claim that Harry made a brief stop at Buckingham Palace in between the Abbey and Heathrow, but that he didn’t spend any time with his family. The Telegraph reports: “It is understood that the visit was for logistical reasons. It allowed him to take a moment out of the public gaze following the two-hour Abbey service. He did not join the Royal family for official Coronation portraits and is not known to have seen or spoken to his relatives.” Something tells me we’ll find out later that he did have a reason to stop at the Palace. Meanwhile, Katie Nicholl’s royal sources claim that… the family doesn’t even know why Harry came. Because his father invited him?

It was the briefest of appearances but after much deliberation and creating a headache for organizers over whether he would attend, Prince Harry flew to Britain for King Charles’s coronation after all. On Monday, the Telegraph reported that Harry even visited Buckingham Palace during his time in London, “slipping in and out of the monarchy’s headquarters briefly without seeing the royal family.” However, there was no meeting with his father, and he didn’t exchange a single word with his brother Prince William during the fleeting trip.

According to one family friend, Harry’s 28 hours in the country has left his family “wondering why Harry bothered to come at all.”

“One makes one’s choices,” said a source close to the royal family. “To be honest there wasn’t much talk of Harry at all. The focus was very much on the occasion.”

His fleeting visit has left the family underwhelmed, according to the family friend, and his father “saddened.”

“Beatrice and Eugenie are the only ones who really speak to Harry. He’s actually very close to Eugenie and Jack, but there’s very little if any contact with the rest of his family who are still reeling from what he has said and done,” according to the source.

Harry was literally left out in the cold and was seen waiting on the pavement outside the Abbey while he waited for his official car to take him to the palace. “All the other royals and VIPs were taken off in official cars, but Harry was left on his own, waiting for his car. It was actually really sad to see him all by himself,’ an eye-witness told Vanity Fair.

[From Vanity Fair]

“To be honest there wasn’t much talk of Harry at all” except for this VF article and the five hundred articles in the Express, the three hundred articles in the Mail, the dozens of post-Chubbly analysis pieces in the Telegraph all focused on Harry, and the entire coronation broadcast moving off King Charles to cover Harry’s arrival at the Abbey, as well as British and American commentators focusing on Harry’s presence at the Abbey. Other than all of that wall-to-wall hysteria and obsession, sure, there wasn’t much talk of Harry.

It’s so particularly British, this gaslighting bullsh-t of “why did he even come” and “the king is so sad that Harry didn’t stick around, even though the king didn’t invite Harry to take part in anything other than the crowning.” Charles got exactly what he wanted: his younger son at the Abbey, Meghan and the kids staying in Montecito, whites-only coronation portraits and an all-white balcony. The king also wanted to pull focus from his mixed-race grandson’s birthday, don’t forget that.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.

In recent months/years, there are always conspiracies about Prince William and Kate and the real state of their marriage and whether they would ever divorce. I maintain my belief that they will stay married up until the day that William sees a better option for himself and a way to extricate himself without harming his reputation. Rose Hanbury isn’t the “solution” – I actually feel slightly bad for Rose, she’s a well-connected aristocrat living in a palatial estate and she has no desire (from what I can see) to upend her life to be the next Princess of Wales. She’s constantly being dragged into these conversations basically because she allegedly f–ked William out of boredom. So, William and Kate will stay married, and they will likely continue to live separate lives.

I also believe that William began distancing himself from the Middletons several years ago, specifically in May/June 2021. That was when he ordered Kate to stay away from the Diana-statue unveiling and the Middletons went on the attack against William. Remember this unhinged piece from 2021? Yeah. I wonder if that’s what’s happening again, because all of sudden, the Middletons want to remind everyone that they are central to the well-being of the monarchy. They are the keen linchpins! From Richard Kay’s piece in the Daily Mail, “The Middletons are at the heart of our new royal order… This may have been his father’s day, but the prominence given to William’s in-laws shows that they are now absolutely central to the future wellbeing of the Royal Family.”

The Middletons were in the seventh row at the Abbey: Given that they are grandparents of the next king but one, it was understandable that Kate should want both her mother, a former flight attendant who was brought up in a council flat, and her father, a one-time aircraft despatcher, close at hand. What was surprising was the presence of her brother and sister when pressure of space meant so many more familiar names were absent from the guest list.”

The Middletons are the future of the monarchy: Beyond this very visible picture of dizzying social mobility that the Middletons represent, their presence — more than perhaps anyone else’s at Saturday’s ceremony — is a very clear sign about the future direction of the monarchy. Charles may be on the throne but by including William’s in-laws and in such a conspicuous position in the Abbey, there was a tacit acknowledgement of the role the Middletons are undoubtedly going to play. So while this was his father’s day, it was also the beginning of a new royal order.

Prepare yourselves for more Flop Tours: The King and Camilla will lean heavily on William and Kate in the years ahead. Indeed, it is already possible to look not too much further into the future to see the day when the King and Queen step back from overseas tours, for instance, just as Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip did. This would mean the Prince and Princess taking on those visits to distant Commonwealth countries and far-flung realms, in the way that Charles did when he was Prince of Wales, easing the burden on his parents. When that happens — and in the case of the Queen, who finds international travel gruelling, this may be sooner than people realise — it will be Mike and Carole Middleton who are called on to help out by taking care of Prince George and his siblings Charlotte and Louis.

The Middletons love to help out: Kate’s parents have been ‘brilliant’, according to friends, at stepping in and helping out, always willing to drop everything at a moment’s notice. Mrs Middleton’s decision to step back from the day-to-day running of her online party paraphernalia business will free up still more time. Carole has always been just ‘Granny’ to Kate’s three children although they have, of course, been told everything about their other grandmother, Princess Diana.

William needs the Middletons now that Harry is gone: The split with Prince Harry, whose graceless contribution to his father’s Coronation saw him leave for the U.S. directly after the Abbey service, is another significant factor in placing Carole and Mike front and centre as the new royal order takes shape. Even without the disgraced Prince Andrew, Charles has continued to enjoy the active support of his sister Anne and brother Edward in picking up the royal slack. There is no such back-up for William, who had always hoped that his brother would be at his side, not just when he was Prince of Wales but also King. With the prospect of any kind of reconciliation fast disappearing, William has no one but Kate to support him through the challenges ahead.

William needs to ease his burden: And, since Charles has admitted he would have struggled to cope without Camilla to encourage and reassure him, there is an understanding between father and son that anything William can do to ease the burden will be granted. That’s where the Middletons come in.

Bill Middleton: After his and Kate’s wedding in 2011, William was more determined than ever to transpose the Middletons’ way of doing things into his own marriage. It shows most clearly in the way their three children have been raised. It helps, of course, that they are not the offspring of a damaged marriage.

Harry changed William & Charles’s relationship: Harry’s decision first to quit Britain and royal life and then to use his exile to mount attacks on his father, stepmother, brother and sister-in-law brought about a rapid rapprochement between Charles and William. The relationship between the two had not truly been close for years: William often felt he and Kate were simply there to inject an X-factor into royal life. Father and son have short tempers. But now there was cause for a joint enterprise — both Charles and William feared that Harry’s real and imagined complaints about royal life and the treatment of Meghan was doing serious damage to the royal brand.

[From The Daily Mail]

“There is an understanding between father and son that anything William can do to ease the burden will be granted…” What is this burden you speak of? Is the burden in the room with us now? Because William does f–k all and he’s always been lazy as hell, but sure, I’ll buy that Charles lets William do whatever he wants. This is an old-school “promise to be keen” layered into a story about how Carole and Mike are the linchpins of the monarchy because… they’ll look after their grandchildren when William and Kate are making asses out of themselves overseas. As I said, William will stay in this marriage until he sees an easy way out, which may never come. He was once close to the Middletons but in recent years, he’s seemingly kept them at arm’s length. For good reason. I think the Middleton operation has gone tits-up in several different ways, not just Party Pieces on the brink of bankruptcy, but… it feels like there are other shoes left to drop.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.

In the past three years, Prince Harry has lost and buried (entombed) two beloved grandparents and watched his father’s hat ceremony. He celebrated his grandmother’s historic reign and he showed up for the unveiling of a statue of his mother. His family has tried everything, every trick, every guilt trip, every manipulation to get Harry to come back and they’re all out of “reasons.” The Windsors and the British media are now stuck in the toxic reality they alone created, with the charismatic Sussexes pushed out, exiled and smeared, and only the charisma vacuum white royals remaining. Which goes a long way towards explaining why Camilla Tominey would piss out this column: “If William wants to be the King’s liege man, he must forgive Harry.” Ah, yes, that’s the only thing keeping Harry away! William won’t forgive him! Some highlights from Tominey’s latest overwrought piece:

Liege man: When the Prince of Wales pledged to be the King’s “liege man of life and limb” at the Coronation on Saturday, the 74-year-old monarch could not hide his emotion as he was kissed on the cheek by his eldest son. “Thank you, William,” he replied, conscious, perhaps, of the huge gulf that now exists between his two “darling boys”.

William’s coronation concert speech: It was also helpful for Prince William to describe his father as someone who “always understood that people of all faiths, all backgrounds, and all communities, deserve to be celebrated and supported”, not just in light of growing calls for the royals to make slavery reparations but also in response to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s racism claims.

On the Windsors’ racism: It is no secret that both the King and the Prince of Wales are disappointed that the Duke and Duchess felt the need to make such high-profile and damaging allegations. Yet still, the King found it in his heart to raise a toast to the fourth birthday of Harry and Meghan’s son Archie on Saturday – just hours after his youngest son had hot-footed it to Heathrow Airport straight after the two-hour service at Westminster Abbey to be reunited with his family in Montecito, California.

Charles has been in communication with the Sussexes: While the King may be willing to forgive, with palace insiders confirming there had been “genuine cooperation” with the Sussexes in the lead-up to the Coronation, there remains little hope of reconciliation with Prince William who was “absolutely horrified” by what Prince Harry wrote about him and his wife Kate in his bombshell autobiography, Spare. The Duke is expecting an apology – but the Prince wants one first. But if Prince William is to fulfil his role as his father’s liege man of life and limb, he may be required to rise above for the sake of the Crown.

William needs to be less wrathful: For what we learned from Sunday night’s speech was how pivotal the Prince and Princess of Wales are going to be to the success of the reign of Charles III. Regardless of his own hurt feelings, Prince William, who has a reputation for being rather stubborn at times, cannot stand in the way of a royal rapprochement if it’s in the best long-term interests of the monarchy. That is the sort of personal sacrifice required of someone whose coat of arms carries the motto “Ich dien” (I serve).

The bigger man: He certainly couldn’t be in a better place both personally and professionally to be the bigger man. Supported by the calming influence of his level-headed wife and mellowed by his three children, William has grown in stature precisely because he has proved himself to be such a safe pair of hands when dealing with the various crises that have faced the House of Windsor in recent years….If Prince William wants to be seen as the son the King can rely on then that must start – however hard – with repairing his broken bonds with his brother. Just as the King has his eldest son’s support, the Prince of Wales has the support of the King.

William must forgive: Prince William knows better than anyone the pain the King is going through over what Prince Harry has done. But if he really wants to prove that he has as much of his late grandmother in him as his father, then he is going to have to summon QEII levels of magnanimity to ensure the Carolean era characterises the Royals as a nuclear family, rather than a thermonuclear one.

[From The Telegraph]

As always, the royal rota treats the Windsors like they’re in control of every situation, especially the Sussexes. Like the Sussexes’ exile is entirely the Windsors’ call, and if the Windsors wanted the Sussexes back, then the Sussexes would jump to it. Even in Tominey’s fantasist scenario where William extends a meaningful olive branch to his brother, nothing would change. Let’s also be real: that would never even happen. William is too stupid, too short-sighted, too incandescent with rage to actually be the bigger man. Oh well!

Photos courtesy of Cover Images, Avalon Red.

Here is the solo portrait of Queen Camilla, taken on Saturday at Buckingham Palace, just after she was crowned at Westminster Abbey. It was taken in the Throne Room, which is apparently adorned with what I originally thought was blackamoor art, but is actually just bronze art (?) which looks a lot like blackamoor art. Camilla and photographer Hugo Burnand decided to feature this art in the background of Camilla’s solo portrait. It’s… a choice. It’s on-brand for Camilla, let’s say that. Speaking of Camilla’s brand, now that she’s officially Queen Side-Chick, she’s getting her media allies to write about how she’s a brilliant truth-teller and the power behind the crown. Some highlights from this weird piece in the Telegraph:

Making the title her own: She now wears the crown and has dispensed with the Consort suffix, so the next task for the Queen is to make that title her own in a nation that automatically associates it with Elizabeth II. It will require a combination of patience and planning for Queen Camilla, and she will need to tread a fine line between staying in the public eye and overexposure.

She’ll try to be like Prince Philip: There is no job description for the consort of a monarch, but the Queen already has a touchstone on whose example she will draw: the late, great Prince Philip. Those who know her say that like Philip, she will continue to speak her mind, and will not be afraid to express an opinion on important issues of the day.

Tone it down: “The trick for her is not to think that she needs to tone it down,” said one former adviser. “She will have a voice, as she showed recently in her comments to authors following the Roald Dahl controversy, and that follows in the rich tradition of royal consorts.”

Camilla’s instinct for storytelling: She also has a far better grasp than other members of the Royal family of how actions and words will be interpreted through the lens of newspaper and television reports, because she has “an instinct for storytelling”, just as journalists do, and so she knows what reporters are likely to pick up on (for the same reason, she knows how to avoid Prince Philip-style gaffes).

No fundamental changes: Her advisers are not telling her to make any fundamental changes to the way she operates. She has already had remarkable success in winning over the public, and her image-makers believe the extra media coverage she will receive as a result of her elevation will do the amplifying for her.

She’s not stuffy or formal: Contrary to what Prince Harry might think, it is not a calculated move on the part of the Queen, according to those familiar with the workings of Buckingham Palace. It is just that she is practising the advice she gave to those authors, and being true to herself.

[From The Telegraph]

Way to give up the game: “Contrary to what Prince Harry might think”!! Ah, so this whole article was a response to Spare, got it. Sounds like Camilla IS calculated and she’s thinking a lot about her side-chick brand and how millions of people despise her. Perhaps that’s why she posed in front of the blackamoor art as well – she’s trying to be the new Prince Philip, the man who couldn’t stop saying and doing racist sh-t constantly. Camilla was like: I’ll do my duty and fulfill my role as the family racist, that’s my job! And “instinct for storytelling” is a particularly unique euphemism for “Camilla leaks sh-t about everyone in the family as a way to gain power.”

Photos courtesy of Hugo Burnand for Buckingham Palace, Cover Images and Avalon Red.