Over the past few years, there’s been a rash of celebrities trying to trademark certain names or phrases that really have no business being trademarked. My favorite example is Taylor Swift trying to trademark “Welcome to New York,” which is the name of one of her songs, of course, but it’s also a greeting that the state (and city) of New York pretty much owns. So, what fresh hell awaits us today? Oh, nothing much. Just Kris Jenner trying to trademark the word MOMAGER.

Kris Jenner is so cunning she now wants a legal lock on the very name that has been sometimes used to disparage her … momager! We found out Kris has filed legal docs to trademark the name “momager” in the world of entertainment, which means anyone else who wants to use the description would need her permission, or else she could sue them.

It looks like she’ll get what she’s gunning for, because Kris has already locked down trademarks for the term “momager” for personal management services and for use in her reality show. Apparently, Kris doesn’t like imitators like Dina Lohan and Tina Knowles. They’ve been warned.

[From TMZ]

I guess I don’t understand how this works. If I’m talking about Dina Lohan and I mention that she’s a cracked-out, failed Momager™, does that mean Kris Jenner could sue for unfair usage? And what will Kris Jenner trademark next?

Lucifer’s Homegirl™
Pinocchio Butt™
Ass of Lies™
Famewhore™
Spawn of Satan™
Sad Doll™
Would Have Been Better Off Being Raised By Wolves™

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

I loved Melissa McCarthy on Gilmore Girls, so I was glad to see her get a mainstream break in Bridesmaids in 2011, but nothing McCarthy did after that lived up to the promise of Bridesmaids. That movie made McCarthy seemed like a comedic tour de force, someone with the ability to reach the level …      

I loved Melissa McCarthy on Gilmore Girls, so I was glad to see her get a mainstream break in Bridesmaids in 2011, but nothing McCarthy did after that lived up to the promise of Bridesmaids. That movie made McCarthy seemed like a comedic tour de force, someone with the ability to reach the level …      

A month ago, Pirates 5 producer Jerry Bruckheimer posted this photo to his Twitter page as a joke. His caption, “Captain Jack is back and we’re not letting him go,” referred to how Johnny Depp finally returned to Australia. This momentous event arrived after a 2-month hiatus (during which Depp legitimately injured his hand and then sketchily disappeared).

Johnny Depp has left Australia again. He was rumored to have left a week ago in a huff after smuggling his two dogs into the country with Amber Heard by his side. Producers convinced Johnny to continue filming while Amber’s parents took Pistol and Boo back to LA. Johnny followed suit yesterday and climbed onto a private jet. The Mail has photos of Johnny arriving at the airport. Officially, he’s heading stateside for daughter Lily Rose’s 16th birthday. Let’s hope he returns to Australia and doesn’t leave cast and crew dangling again.

Also on Monday, an Australian Senate committee met over Terriergate. The Aussie government is taking this matter very seriously because of the country’s fragile environment. The Sydney Morning Herald says Johnny could face up to 10 years in prison or a gigantic fine for neglecting to follow proper quarantine procedures:

Government officials have confirmed Hollywood superstar Johnny Depp could face up to 10 years in prison or a maximum fine of $340,000 for illegally bringing his two dogs into Australia.

His pilot could face up to two years in prison for his role in the undeclared importing of Pistol and Boo.

These were some of the details revealed as a Senate committee hearing in Canberra turned its attention to the high-profile quarantine case.

Earlier this month, Agriculture Minister Barnaby Joyce threatened to have Depp’s two Yorkshire terriers put down after they were illegally brought into the country.

“The dog thing – we’ll get that out of the way quickly,” was the ambitious goal growled by a member of the Senate rural and regional affairs and transport committee on Monday afternoon.

Agriculture Department officials presented themselves at Parliament House to answer questions from the committee – all of its members keen to find out who let the dogs in.

“It is very serious,” politicians and public servants agreed. “A complete balls up,” muttered another committee member.

An ongoing investigation by the department understands that Depp, his fellow passengers and the flight crew all failed to declare the presence of the dogs. Customs officers did not find the terriers when they boarded the aircraft before the passengers disembarked.

[From Sydney Morning Herald]

Well, Australia doesn’t mess around with quarantine requirements. Johnny and Amber obviously thought they were above the law. Johnny hasn’t publicly commented on the matter, but he must have been steaming mad. This has turned into a huge case that’s swallowed up public resources. Let’s get real though. Johnny won’t go to prison. He’ll end up paying the huge fine, or the Pirates production will pay it for him.

FYI, here’s the newest Black Mass trailer. Johnny’s still doing a Goodfellas impression while talking to young children and charming old ladies.

Photos courtesy of Jerry Bruckheimer on Twitter, Fame/Flynet & WENN

Check out Daniel Craig in London on Sunday night shooting Bond Spectre. God he looks great in that ¾ coat. Actually, no, he looks great in both coats.

Spectre is due in theatres November 6. That…doesn’t feel like it’s too far away. And I feel like it doesn’t leave a lot of time for post. I me…      

View image | gettyimages.com

Here are some new photos of Michael Fassbender and his girlfriend Alicia Vikander posing together in Monaco. Alicia accompanied Fassy to the Cannes Film Festival, where they hid out for nearly a week until the amfAR gala and Fassy’s Macbeth premiere. Alicia did not walk the carpet with him at either the amfAR gala or the premiere, but she was very conspicuous at both events. I guess Alicia had another reason for being there: she’s a brand ambassador for Louis Vuitton, and she wore LV for all of her appearances. But it felt like she was mainly at Cannes to spend time with Fassy, maybe even to keep an eye on him considering several of his exes were out and about during the film festival.

In any case, after Cannes, Michael took Alicia to the Monaco Grand Prix, because Fassy loves cars. Alicia seems to be playing along rather well. I’ll give her some credit: she’s doing what it takes to maintain this. Usually Fassy goes through women pretty quickly, especially when they’re costars. His record seems to be a year-long relationship (Nicole Beharie). But I still have mixed feelings about Alicia in general. There’s something about Alicia that seems rather… thirsty? My main exposure to her was her W Magazine cover profile a few months ago, where she made sure we knew that Fassy was her boyfriend and that she plans to attend the Oscars to support three of her films next year. The fact that it seemed like she organized a pap-friendly makeout session with Fassy didn’t help either.

So, considering how quickly Fassy usually moves through ladies and given Alicia’s instance on being the one to “stick,” this should get interesting. A few days ago, Deadline reported that Alicia’s performance in Ex Machina got her such great buzz, she’s now an in-demand actress for a variety of projects. One of the big ones: Assassin’s Creed. That’s the long-gestating project starring (guess who?) Michael Fassbender. Fassy’s producing it too, which means he’s getting a say in casting. Up until now, Marion Cotillard was loosely attached to the female lead, but I guess Marion is being thrown over for Fassy’s girlfriend? And what happens if Fassy and Alicia break up before then? I also think it’s a bad idea to schedule projects with your boyfriend before the first film you made together even comes out – and God knows, The Light Between Oceans is going to SUCK. Even if Fassy acts his ass off and Alicia is perfect, it will still suck. The source material is soul-crushingly awful.

Oh, and the Deadline article also says Alicia is in talks to star opposite Matt Damon in the new Jason Bourne movie. Oooh, CB is going to get riled up if this little hussy puts her thirst all over Matty D.

View image | gettyimages.com

Photos courtesy of WENN, Getty and Fame/Flynet.

A crafty subversion of the Western genre, Slow West is in turns hypnotic, lyrical, and absurd. It’s a pitch-black dark comedy centered on a hopelessly romantic quest that’s more interested in episodic beats than it is a cohesive narrative, which means it won’t be for everyone. Slow West is not ba…      

Over on CNN (because I check legit news sources when the gossip is dry) I found a video report about an upcoming show on TLC called Labor Games. (This has been out a couple of weeks, but it’s news to me.) The show transforms pregnant women’s hospital delivery rooms into a game show, complete with blinking lights, oversized binky graphics and a giant flat screen TV with baby-centric trivia questions. Contestants can win prizes including baby clothing, a stroller and up to $10,000. Not to worry, though, you can keep track of the participants’ labor at home with their handy on-screen labor monitor, which alerts you to active contractions and lists the time between contractions and the number of centimeters the contestant’s cervix is dilated. It’s ridiculous, it’s offensive, it’s intrusive and it’s dangerous to have pregnant women get surprised by a TV crew at a time when they may need life saving medical intervention for themselves or their babies.

“This is a really bad idea”
ABC News’s chief medical officer, Dr. Richard Besser, stated the obvious about this ill-conceived game show:

“During labor, emergencies can arise. This is one of the most important moments in your life. I think this is a really bad idea, to have a camera come in at that moment of your life.”

ABC News had a brief interview with the couple above, who gave birth to a healthy baby boy afterwards. They said it was worth it. What’s more is that supposedly “no one participates without prior consent.” While expectant couples may not know if they were selected to participate in the ‘interrupt your delivery sweepstakes’ (my words) they supposedly know that there’s a possibility it could happen.

“This is a high stakes medical situation”
Another ABC news medical expert, Dr. Jennifer Ashton, said that she’s delivered about 1,5000 babies and that things usually go smoothly but that “Things can… go wrong in a big way really fast. This is a high stakes medical situation, but I can guarantee that if there were a severe and serious obstetric emergency, those cameras would be out of the room.” I wouldn’t be so sure about that.

Here’s the thing, the people who participate in this may have agreed to it, but what about the medical personnel on the ward and the other women nearby? This is a huge distraction. If I was having a baby or working as nurse and I had to hear people playing a game show in the next room I would be so pissed off. Of course you can personally opt out of participating in a game show when the delivery of your child is imminent, but it affects so many other people.

TLC is of course the network which has not yet cancelled 19 Kids and Counting, which probably knew for years about Josh Duggar’s molestation of his sisters (or at the very least willfully ignored the rumors) and continued to air the show as normal, and which brought us such other gems as Freaky Eaters, My Strange Addiction and Virgin Diaries. This show is just about par for the course for them.

Here’s another video where they surprise a couple at 1:30 in the morning in active labor. If this couple agreed to participate ahead of time, they don’t seem to have remembered it.

A few weeks ago Lily Collins was supposedly dating Chris Evans. Click here for a refresher. There was something. Because his reaction to the question during the Avengers press tour was…well… maybe he was just drunk:

Anyway. Didn’t last.

Because according to her social media, Lily is …      

Here are some additional (and better-quality) photos of Amal and George Clooney at the Tokyo premiere of Tomorrowland yesterday. As I said in Monday’s post, Amal wore Maison Margiela by John Galliano. Galliano did what he could with yellow satin, but many people absolutely loathed this look. I have mixed feelings about Amal as some kind of “new style icon” – just because she wears Galliano and got the ring from George Clooney, doesn’t make her an iconic style figure. She’s not actually Carolyn Bessette, even though the Clooneys have been trying to mimic a “modern Camelot” feel for the better part of a year.

But as always, many prominent fashion people disagree with me. Amal is the second coming of Coco Chanel and must be treated as such. So would it really be so shocking to learn that Amal is hellbent on getting her own Vogue cover?

Amal Clooney wants to appear on the cover of American Vogue. The British human rights lawyer, whose husband George Clooney is close friends with the fashion bible’s editor Anna Wintour, has reportedly set her sights on gracing the cover of the magazine.

A source close to the 37-year-old beauty told Life & Style Weekly: “One of Amal’s great goals is to land the cover of Vogue.

“Amal considers herself the world’s most glamorous attorney and is obsessed with fame and fashion. Amal thinks nothing of going on $20,000 shopping sprees at high-end department stores and designer boutiques.”

She was also recently spotted having dinner with Anna at Lambs Club in New York City, sparking rumours the cover is already in the works. The insider added: “Amal thought she’d died and gone to heaven.”

[From L&S via The Hamilton Spectator]

First off, I would rather see Amal on the cover of Vogue rather than another Blake Lively cover. Anna Wintour does take an occasional risk with cover subjects, although I think it’s far more likely that Amal would simply get a large feature in a future Vogue issue and not the cover. As for Amal believing that she’s “the world’s most glamorous attorney” and how much money she’s been spending on clothes… I kind of believe that. Just let the Alamooney wash all over you.

Photos courtesy of WENN.