Laverne Cox got her own Barbie doll! That’s amazing. [Seriously OMG]
Holy crap, Viola Davis looks amazing in this suit. [GFY]
The Onion’s editors have had enough. [Buzzfeed]
The beef I’ve wanted for years: Kanye West v. the FEC. [Dlisted]
Homeschooling isn’t the solution to children being massacred. [Jezebel]
Please look at Bryce Dallas Howard’s shoulder pads & sleeves! [Tom & Lorenzo]
Did you guys watch the This Is Us series finale? [Pajiba]
This is what the kids consider a “passionate kiss.” [JustJared]
Leonardo DiCaprio is in St. Tropez with his bros. Where is Camila Morrone, who is just weeks shy of turning 25 years old? [LaineyGossip]
A city without phone booths… we will regret this one day. [Towleroad]
A review of Top Gun: Maverick. [Gawker]

As we have heard ad nauseam over the past three weeks, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are not “allowed” on the fakakta balcony for Trooping the Colour, which will happen on June 2nd (next Thursday). Nevermind the fact that timing of the announcements made it clear that Harry and Meghan were totally fine with skipping the crusty porch, and nevermind the fact that Harry reportedly told the Queen that he and Meghan didn’t even want to be on the balcony in the first place. Still, the royals want to deploy the Sussexes somehow, in some way. Which is why Harry and Meghan are invited to the June 3rd service at St. Paul’s Cathedral. Apparently, the Sussexes are now confirmed for that.

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex will join the biggest Royal family reunion since their wedding next week as the Queen’s relatives gather to celebrate her reign at St Paul’s Cathedral. All of the monarch’s cousins, children and grandchildren are expected to attend the Platinum Jubilee service of thanksgiving for what will be the biggest royal outing of the bank holiday weekend, although the youngest family members will not take part.

Some of her older great-grandchildren such as Prince George, aged eight, Princess Charlotte, seven, and Mia Tindall, also eight, may attend, although their involvement is not yet confirmed. The most recent additions to the family, including the Sussexes’ son Archie, three, and daughter Lilibet, who turns one next Saturday, are thought unlikely to be present.

The service will take place on Friday June 3, bringing the monarch’s nearest and dearest together. The last time the Duke and Duchess, who are due to fly over from California with their children next week, were surrounded by so many members of the Royal family was when they married at Windsor Castle in May 2018. The Duke of York will also be among the congregants in what is expected to be his sole appearance of the festivities. The Queen’s relatives will attend as family members, meaning the Sussexes and Prince Andrew, who are no longer working members of the Royal family, will attend in a private capacity.

The monarch’s participation is unlikely to be confirmed until the day, but it is said to be one of the jubilee events she is particularly keen to attend. The service will be the only public event of the four-day celebration for which she will be surrounded by all four of her children – the Prince of Wales, the Princess Royal, Prince Andrew and the Earl of Wessex.

[From The Telegraph]

The Telegraph also talks about how the Queen will be unable to walk up the steps into the Cathedral and people are trying to make arrangements for her to “make her way in through a side entrance without being photographed if necessary.” The whole shebang will start at 11 am, meaning that’s when the arrivals begin. Everybody is expected to come out for this, all of the Queen’s children, grandchildren, cousins and distant relations. Princess Margaret’s (grown, adult) children will be there too. It will be a lot like the service of thanksgiving for Prince Philip, I think, only probably fewer foreign monarchs visiting for the day.

So, prepare yourselves. We’re going to be inundated with stories about how William and Kate plan to “snub” Meghan and Harry at the service, or how Meghan has to sit in the back, or how “emotional” Harry argued with his father about the order of arrivals or some such nonsense. Y’all know it’s coming. Some poor palace aide is running to the Daily Mail as I write this, crying about how Harry and Meghan “blind-sided the Queen” with their demands!

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Backgrid.

When people ask me what I do, I should start saying “I count buttons for a living.” When did this even start? It’s been years. The Duchess of Cambridge’s button obsession ebbs and flows, but the buttons are more of a constant than her wiglets, sausage curls or her twirly miniskirts. Buttons are all she has left. And she hoards them. Kate and William were at Buckingham Palace on Wednesday for a rainy garden party, and Kate wore 32 buttons. Twenty buttons down the front, and six buttons on each cuff, making a grand total of 32 buttons. I counted.

The dress itself is a repeat. I usually have a half-decent memory for Kate’s button-slathered clothes, but I don’t remember this. The piece was “designed” and made by Kate’s “private dressmaker.” She truly called up her private dressmaker and said “I want something will lots of tiny buttons, a high neck with a baby ruffle and Downton Abbey vibes.” Hello Magazine claimed that Kate was having a “Bridgerton moment” and that this is a “Regency look.” All of that is a lie. This is straight-up Victorian/Edwardian, which makes more sense because Kate wishes she lived in Downton Abbey. Also: the earrings seem to be new. I would imagine they’re quite pricey.

I just looked it up – Kate previously wore this dress to that Buckingham Palace reception for the anniversary of Prince Charles’s investiture as Prince of Wales. It happened in 2019 and pregnant Meghan was there.

PS… People were really coming through with the receipts, my goodness! This dress was made by Ulyana Sergeenko, a Russian designer who uses the n-word.

LOL @ Princess Beatrice. I actually love her cute dress, but that stupid headband/headpiece ruins it. Why is Beatrice copykeening Kate?

Photos courtesy of Instar.

The latest Thomas Markle stunt is playing out in the British tabloids, likely because they designed it and orchestrated it. Thomas has been hospitalized with “stroke-like symptoms,” although nothing has been confirmed by a doctor or anything. It reminds me a lot of Thomas’s heart attacks before the 2018 Sussex wedding – after claiming to be under medical supervision, it appeared as if Thomas Markle just wandered around, staying in various cheap motels, drinking beer and watching TV. In any case, the dumb conversation is “will Meghan visit her father?” The answer is no.

Duncan Larcombe, a royal author and former royal editor for the Sun, told The Daily Beast: “Meghan hasn’t released any statement and I doubt she intends to go down there. That bridge is burned. If you look at what he did before the wedding, that’s hardly surprising. He has claimed it was naivety, but it was clearly duplicitous.”

Meghan’s spokespeople did not respond to emails seeking comment on whether she intended to visit her father or would contribute to his medical bills, suggesting such a turn of events was unlikely.

Lady Colin Campbell, the society author and YouTuber who had been planning to host Thomas at her home Castle Goring over the jubilee, told The Daily Beast: “If she’s clever, she will find a way to visit and reconcile. Let’s see if Netflix lean on her. They might well do so. Filthy lucre might work where decency failed.”

[From The Daily Beast]

Ah, yes, Lady Colin Campbell is intimately involved with this mess. Apparently, she was working hand-in-hand with Dan Wootton to bring Thomas to the UK. Thomas made plans to stay at Lady Colin’s home, and she planned to “escort him to a series of grand events, including Royal Ascot, as well as to various private aristocratic homes.” According to Eden Confidential, Lady Colin also “hired a dinner jacket” and had organized “a black-tie dinner” for him at Castle Goring, her home. According to the Daily Beast, Thomas’s plans to go to the UK were somewhat contingent on the idea that Meghan and Harry would not be there though:

The Daily Beast understands that Thomas originally made the decision to come to the U.K. under the assumption that Harry and Meghan would not be coming, and had reservations about going through with the trip when it was revealed earlier this month they would be attending.

Lady Colin told The Daily Beast: “I have never commented on house guests at Castle Goring and I don’t intend to start now. However, I feel very strongly that Thomas Markle has been unfairly deprived of his dignity by his thankless daughter and pathetic son-in-law. I regard him as the living embodiment of King Lear, and I see it as the duty of all upstanding people to stand up for him.”

[From The Daily Beast]

I have to ask: are British people okay? Because this is the trashiest f–king thing I’ve ever seen. What is the market for this over in Salt Island? In addition to Thomas Markle’s intimate conversations with Dan Wootton and Lady Colin Campbell, it turns out he was also in frequent conversation with Tom Bower, who is writing some kind of unhinged “biography” on Meghan. And these are the people claiming – in completely bad faith – that Meghan absolutely needs to go and see her toxic father. Nope, nope, nope.

My big question is this: did “Thomas Markle’s stroke” ruin all of these unhinged plans, or was it the culmination of a certain plan?

Screencaps courtesy of GB News, 60 Minutes Australia, ITV and the Sun.

Embed from Getty Images

Just hours after nineteen little kids were murdered in their classrooms, Texas’s Governor Abbott attended a political fundraiser 300 miles away from Uvalde. I wouldn’t be surprised if Abbott and the Texas Republicans were already fundraising on their pro-dead child political stances. The day after the Uvalde massacre of children, Gov. Abbott organized a press conference with all of the relevant law enforcement represented alongside him. Beto O’Rourke attended. Beto is running for governor of Texas. Beto interrupted Abbott’s presser and challenged him to do more to protect Texans and children. The cops moved Beto out of the press conference. What was remarkable is that many of the journalists there for Abbott’s presser followed Beto out and they covered Beto’s impromptu press conference outside the town hall building:

Apparently, Republicans are mad about this? They think Beto is “rude” and that he shouldn’t calmly challenge Gov. Abbott about how the Republican Party is the Party of Murdered Children. The same Republicans who think that armed insurrection is A-OK have an issue with an unarmed political candidate calmly speaking truth to power in what was one of the most effective pieces of political theater I’ve ever seen.

Meanwhile, Gov. Abbott blames the whole thing on a mental health crisis… all while gutting Texas’s mental health resources.

Texas Gov. Abbott says the Uvalde school shooter had a “mental health challenge” and the state needed to “do a better job with mental health” — yet in April he slashed $211M from the department that oversees mental health programs. https://t.co/psXFaffu4q

— NBC News (@NBCNews) May 26, 2022

The reaction to Beto in that moment shows how rarely those men are pushed at all to answer for their choices and their advocacy, how thin-skinned they are, how much they don’t want to have to answer for anything. W/in 15 seconds there’s a cop in his face and men cursing at him.

— Jessica Luther (@jessicawluther) May 25, 2022

god this is powerful pic.twitter.com/1RkHgCuMsH

— Keith Edwards (@keithedwards) May 25, 2022

The thing I like about Beto’s stunt is it shows a willingness to try anything at this point. Which is exactly the emergency stance every Democrat should be taking right now.

— Schooley (@Rschooley) May 26, 2022

Embed from Getty Images

Embed from Getty Images

Photos courtesy of Getty.

Steven Tyler voluntarily checked into rehab after relapsing, so Aerosmith has canceled all of their summer concerts. [Dlisted]
The Honest Trailer for Morbius, which was a trainwreck. [OMG Blog]
Tom Hiddleston was on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night. [Just Jared]
Ben Affleck & Jennifer Lopez kissed at the airport. [LaineyGossip]
Is anyone watching Made for Love? It sounds good. [Pajiba]
Tilda Swinton’s shirtdress reinvention. [Go Fug Yourself]
We’re coming up on the anniversary of the murder of George Floyd. [Towleroad]
How to treat a UTI. [Buzzfeed]
Seeking Sister Wife’s Season 4 has a trailer. [Starcasm]
Kim Kardashian is a Beyond Meat pusher. [Egotastic]
Noomi Rapace’s Celine is so ill-fitting and sad. [RCFA]

In April, Dan Wootton personally invited Thomas Markle to fly into England for the Platinum Jubbly. Wootton and ITV planned to pay for Toxic Tom to fly out and they were going to film him in and around Windsor Castle. Their big plan was to somehow force Toxic Tom to show up somewhere, hoping for a face-to-face meeting with the Duchess of Sussex. If they couldn’t set that up, it was enough to simply bang on and on about how Meghan is horrible for cutting toxic, manipulative, emotionally abusive trash out of her life. Well, now it looks like Toxic Tom won’t make it. According to TMZ, Thomas Markle has been hospitalized for stroke-like symptoms.

Meghan Markle’s father might have suffered a stroke Monday night … as he was rushed to a hospital by ambulance. Paramedics loaded Thomas Markle into the ambulance in Tijuana, strapped an oxygen mask to his face and transported him around 9:30 PM to a hospital across the border in Chula Vista, CA.

Markle was admitted after fearing he was suffering a stroke. Thomas couldn’t actually speak to paramedics, and had to write down his symptoms on a piece of paper. You’ll recall, Meghan’s dad said he suffered 2 heart attacks right before her 2018 wedding to Prince Harry.

That happened just as he was in a tense standoff with his daughter and the Royals because he’d staged pics of himself getting ready for the wedding — and some people accused him of faking the medical crisis for sympathy. He never ended up going to the wedding, after all.

It’s unclear what Thomas’ condition is right now, but one of his close friends says he remains hospitalized. Markle had recently said he would be attending Queen Elizabeth’s Jubilee celebrations in June. Looks like he might have to cancel yet another UK trip.

[From TMZ]

The timing is so remarkable! His “heart attacks” happened just days before the 2018 wedding, and now his stroke is happening just days before he was supposed to fly out for the Jubbly. As for what Toxic Tom has been up to recently, he’s still got his YouTube channel and he’s apparently been stalking his ex-wife and joking about how he should buy the house next to hers. And in case you needed the macabre absurdity of this situation underlined, please read this portion of Dan Wootton’s Daily Mail exclusive, in which he’s terribly mad at TMZ for ruining his exclusive, but he makes it up by getting a statement from Samantha Markle in which she blames Meghan.

Days before he was due to fly to London for the first time for the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee, the Duchess of Sussex’s father Thomas Markle has suffered a major stroke that has seen him lose his speech. He is currently receiving urgent medical treatment in an American hospital.

I am devastated to report this news, just seven days before Thomas would have joined me in London to celebrate the Queen’s 70th year on the throne for a TV special on my GB News show, fulfilling his long-held wish to visit Windsor Castle. But, in a cruel twist of fate, he will now be unable to make the trip as he recovers in hospital, just like he missed his daughter’s wedding to the Duke of Sussex after suffering from a heart attack.

I have been aware of the stroke since this morning and had agreed with both Thomas and his distraught daughter Samantha not to report the news while he underwent further tests to establish the severity of the stroke. But a high-profile American website has received information from within the hospital, meaning news of his stroke was about to break.

Samantha Markle told me: ‘My father is recovering in hospital. We ask for privacy for the family, for his health and wellbeing. He just needs peace and rest. Godspeed. We are praying. He just needs some rest. It’s a travesty how much he’s been tortured and how much he’s had to go through thanks to my sister’s disregard the past few years. That is unforgivable.’

[From The Daily Mail]

“It’s a travesty how much he’s been tortured and how much he’s had to go through thanks to my sister’s disregard the past few years.” He has sold out his daughter at every turn, from staging photos, lying constantly, selling Meghan’s childhood photos and giving interviews scripted by British tabloid journalists. Wootton goes on to blame “the so-called Sussex Squad of Twitter trolls” for Tom’s stroke because they… are appalled by Toxic Tom’s disgusting YouTube channel. Wootton also complains about how Thomas “has been left to fund his own medical treatment.” Surely Wootton will cut him another check then? Samantha has also made thousands of dollars from lying about Meghan, why doesn’t Samantha pay? Wootton also makes a point of writing this: “That emotional anguish has dominated Thomas’s thinking and his overwhelming wish is that he is able to meet his grandchildren, Archie, three, and Lilibet, 11 months, before it is too late.” F–king psychopath.

EXCLUSIVE Meghan’s father Thomas Markle has suffered a major stroke and is receiving emergency treatment in an American hospital, his daughter Samantha confirms to me in a searing and emotional statement criticising the Duchess of Sussex.https://t.co/a7MvRRfk17

— Dan Wootton (@danwootton) May 24, 2022

Photos courtesy of GB News and 60 Minutes Australia.

On May 14, an 18-year-old white supremacist traveled to Buffalo and murdered ten people at a supermarket frequented by Black folks. The next day, a Las Vegas murderer traveled to a church in Laguna Beach, California, where he targeted Taiwanese-Americans. One man was murdered and several were injured. On May 24, an 18-year-old man entered Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas and murdered nineteen little kids and their teacher. He also wounded several more children and the resource officer in the school. Before his rampage, he murdered his grandmother.

After Sandy Hook, nothing was done. After Parkland, nothing was done. After all of the mass shootings, nothing was done. The NRA has a f–king chokehold on American politics and the Republican Party specifically. It’s about everyday people too, people who choose not to vote for candidates who talk about gun control, who talk in real terms about children being safe in their homes and their schools. President Biden made a speech:

Here is Steve Kerr, coach of the Golden State Warriors.

Here is Connecticut Senator Chris Murphy, who has spent the past decade working with Sandy Hook parents.

Barack Obama released a statement too:

“Across the country, parents are putting their children to bed, reading stories, singing lullabies—and in the back of their minds, they’re worried about what might happen tomorrow after they drop their kids off at school, or take them to a grocery store or any other public space. Michelle and I grieve with the families in Uvalde, who are experiencing pain no one should have to bear. We’re also angry for them. Nearly ten years after Sandy Hook—and ten days after Buffalo—our country is paralyzed, not by fear, but by a gun lobby and a political party that have shown no willingness to act in any way that might help prevent these tragedies. It’s long past time for action, any kind of action. And it’s another tragedy—a quieter but no less tragic one—for families to wait another day. May God bless the memory of the victims, and in the words of Scripture, heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds.

[From Barack Obama]

Will something finally be done? Will common-sense gun control finally be legislated? I doubt it.

Photos courtesy of Backgrid.

What’s interesting about recent royal biographies is that even biographers who are with the palace’s keen embiggening program can’t really sugarcoat Kate Middleton’s stalking and single-minded pursuit of Prince William. Richard Lacey and Tina Brown both tried to make Kate and Carole Middleton’s behavior sound completely reasonable and wise, as both women plotted since Kate’s teenage years to ensnare William. Lacey even spelled out how much Kate stalked William, and Brown ended up emphasizing that Carole had to “coach” Kate through the entire courtship. I bring this up because Andrew Morton has a new book out about the Queen and he’s been giving dumb interviews all over the place. His latest comments are about how Kate loved William for himself, not his title. LOL.

The Queen is ‘impressed by Kate Middleton’ and spends time nurturing the relationship between The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge after ‘making mistakes with Charles and Diana’, a royal expert has claimed. Her Majesty, 96, is sees William, 39, and Kate, 40, ‘very much as the future’ and believes Charles will act as ‘interregnum’ with the ‘burden of monarchy’ falling on the Cambridges.

Speaking to OK! magazine, Princess Diana’s biographer Andrew Morton said: ‘The thing about Kate is the Queen was impressed she adored and loved William for himself, not for his title. She spends a lot more time supporting and nurturing the relationship between William and Catherine than she did with Charles and Diana. It’s pretty clear she wasn’t going to make that mistake again. Everything that happened in [Kate and William’s] relationship was quite strategic, quite thought through, after a period of time.’

He added: ‘In the beginning, nobody in the royal household expected for a second that the university romance with Catherine and William would continue for any time after they graduated, like most college romances which disintegrate under the intense scrutiny of jobs and geography.’

[From The Daily Mail]

Lmao. It’s hard to choose my favorite part! “…Disintegrate under the intense scrutiny of jobs and geography…” Kate solved that problem by holding one part-time job for a couple of months in 2007 and then not working at all for the rest of her entire adult life. “Nobody in the royal household expected for a second that the university romance with Catherine and William would continue…” It’s true, no one “expected” it. Because no one in the royal household really wanted William to marry Kate. Charles wanted William to marry someone aristocratic and well-connected. The Queen thought William could do better too (spoiler: he could not). Most people in the royal household saw the Middletons for what they were and are: tacky, manipulative social climbers who got their hooks into a dull, angry prince. Oh, and Kate and Carole would not have done any of this if William was Normal Untitled Bill Wales.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, WENN.

I’m still sad about the way Tina Brown has utterly exposed herself as a hack stenographer to royalty. I genuinely thought she was one of the better royal commentators, but not so much. While The Palace Papers is infuriating – and Brown is definitely shady towards many people in it – Brown’s interviews have been a study in anti-Sussex rhetoric and talking out of both sides of her mouth. Brown was interviewed by The Daily Star recently (a British paper), and she spent the entire interview trying to convince herself, the newspaper and the British people that Prince Harry would eventually come back to them, because he’s white and royal and he hates California.

Harry could be embraced again: “Harry was much more beloved than anyone except the Queen. I believe Harry will be embraced again if he shows a desire or interest in returning to England. There is a pathway back to monarchy. But I don’t know if he wants to. Right now he is absolutely embracing California, not only as a place to live but as a way of thinking. If it happens, it will probably be after the death of the Queen.”

Her palace sources say Harry doesn’t think: “He goes off like a complete sort of IED at any moment. I asked someone what he was thinking when he makes these comments and I was told, ‘He’s not thinking, he just sounds off.’”

William’s trust has been undermined: “It’s a very wounded relationship right now. William has fundamentally had his trust undermined by the Oprah interview and the news that Harry is writing a book. Harry feels hurt and rejected by William, believing that William didn’t embrace Meghan in the way that he thought he should have.”

[From The Star]

“I believe Harry will be embraced again if he shows a desire or interest in returning to England…” “If” is doing so much work, my God. And it’s not even true! IF Harry showed an interest in returning, Salt Island would be gleeful, of course. Gleeful about punishing him and making his life miserable and blaming him for everything. Speaking of, I assume that Brown’s sources are insisting that William is still distrustful of Harry because… Harry spoke about how he was treated and how his wife was treated. If everything went down the way we believe/know it went down, William was the one who largely orchestrated the smearing of Meghan and he was actively trying to exile his brother and sister-in-law. Imagine how little trust Harry has in William.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Backgrid and Instar.